The Performance Anxiety
by allanjay
Summary: Leonard and Penny face choices and opportunities that could change their lives – and those of their friends. Begins toward the end of season 9.
1. By the sea

1\. By the sea

Penny cringed as she entered the doctor's office and noted that the waiting room was packed – even worse than the normal Friday afternoon rush. She approached the receptionist, gave her name, and settled in for a long wait. But only a few minutes later, she heard her name called. She approached the receptionist's window.

"Mrs. Hofstadter, Dr. Grossman apologizes. As you can see, we're very busy. She promises to see you when she can, Or you can reschedule, if you prefer."

"No, no," Penny said quickly. "I've come all this way, I might as well stay. I don't get over to the West Side that often. Traffic, you know."

The receptionist smiled warmly. "I sure do. I come in from Simi Valley. Can I get you something while you wait?"

"No, thanks, I'm good." Penny sat down again and looked around the room at all the pregnant women. Some were barely showing, others were apparently long overdue; some were alone, others with anxious-looking husbands or boyfriends.

Much as she had come to dislike her job, she had to admit that these past two weeks on the Ob-Gyn circuit had been fun. She'd had some really nice conversations with the women while she waited. And yet, the circuit was having another effect on her. She was feeling a strange and unaccustomed yearning. She kept trying to push it down, or away, but she knew what it was: she wanted to have a baby. Bernadette's pregnancy was part of it, but there was also the fact that lately she had been feeling particularly good about Leonard, and about their marriage. Plus, with Amy and Sheldon finally getting into the sack, she felt it might be time to start thinking seriously about their moving in together – and, more important, moving out and into a larger place. Maybe even a house. With a yard. …

The door of the office opened and a couple entered. Penny looked up, then did a double take. It was Diane Green and her husband, George Stein. She had read in the tabloids that they were expecting – this was, maybe, their third child. But here was Hollywood's most famous power couple in the same room as her. And, she noted with panic, headed toward her.

Green stopped in front of Penny, glancing at the empty seats on either side of the young blonde. "I'm really sorry, but do you think you could move over so that my husband can sit next to me? "

"Of course," Penny said hastily, moving herself and her things. Green sat down next to her, with Stein to her left, and flashed her trademark smile at Penny.

"Thanks. So, how far along are you?" she asked, and Penny marveled at how friendly and colloquial was her tone.

Penny laughed. "Oh, I'm not expecting. I'm just a pharmaceutical sales rep."

"Oh, sorry," Green laughed. "That's a relief. I was already hating you for looking so good. I feel like a whale. And not a pretty one, either."

Penny blushed a little. "You look beautiful. You always look beautiful, Ms. Green."

Before the woman could answer, her husband leaned over, eyeing Penny with a penetrating stare, and broke in. "Weren't you in Serial Apist 2?"

Green's eyes lit up with recognition, even as Penny felt herself blushing beet red. "Oh, God. I can't believe you saw that, Mr. Stein. It's so bad."

"No, no," Stein objected immediately, and Stone similarly shook her head. "Well, yes, it was awful. But Diane and I have watched it, and you."

"Really?" Penny was wide-eyed. The thought of the Green-Stein juggernaut seeing her in anything was overwhelming.

"Funny story," he continued. "One of our interns is obsessed with the movie – you know, in a cult-classic kind of way. He insisted I see it, so I did. It was everything he had said it was, so bad it was funny. I especially loved seeing Will Wheaton in an orangutan suit – and a bikini. But you know that we're always on the lookout for talent, and I liked what I saw from you. Not really in the role – everything about that movie was absurd – but there was something in your fresh-faced perkiness that really appealed to me. Sort of a "new raw talent from the sticks" look. So I had Diane see your scenes, too."

Green shook her head. "George can be a little blunt. I think what he'd _like_ to say," she said, glaring at her husband, "is that we saw a new face in the film that we didn't know, and wanted to get to know. But there's only so much time in the day, so we haven't followed up. I'm glad we ran into you."

Penny was flabbergasted. "Oh, Ms. Green, Mr. Stein, I'm so flattered. You know, that film was the last straw for me; it was what led me to go into pharmaceutical sales. But I can't believe I made a positive impression on you. It's….it's overwhelming."

Green smiled kindly, as Stein shook his head. "Our job is to look for talent. Making it in this town involves a lot of luck. And I think maybe you and I being here today is one of those lucky coincidences." She looked quickly at Stein, who gave a nearly imperceptible nod.

"George and I are beginning work on a new project. Do you think you might want to read for us?"

Penny just stared at her, then came out of her daze with a start. "Of course! I'd be honored, Ms. Green. And Mr. Stein. Just tell me when and where."

"How about Monday afternoon, say 3?" Green said, looking at Stein. "Here's my card, the address is on the card. And it's Diane and George. And give me your coordinates," she added, pulling a pad from her purse. "It's not a cold read; we have a specific role in mind. We'll get you some scenes to work on for the reading."

"I'll be there!" Penny said, writing her data down quickly. "Thank you so much, Ms. – Diane; George. Oh, I can't wait to tell my husband," the young woman gushed, getting up.

Diane smiled warmly and stuck out her hand to shake. "Hope you don't mind if I don't get up," as George did rise to shake Penny's hand. "Until Monday," he said.

Penny walked quickly over to the receptionist and told her she'd see Dr. Grossman some other time, then waved to the couple as she left the doctor's office. Once out in the hallway, she leaned against the wall, breathless.

After she'd recovered, Penny took out her phone to call Leonard. She knew he was at work, but she had to talk to him. She started to dial, then stopped. She walked slowly out of the building, and toward her car, deep in thought. Once in her car, she drove the two miles to the Third Street Promenade and parked there. She sat in her car for a few minutes, then called Leonard.

"Hey, beautiful," Leonard answered cheerily. "This is a pleasant surprise! To what do I owe it?"

"Hi, honey," Penny began. She took a deep breath. "I'm over in Santa Monica, near the beach. Let's have a nice dinner over here. It's been a long time since we've done something like that."

"Wow, what a romantic idea!" Leonard responded. "Is something wrong with you? Am I dying?"

"Very funny. Seriously, can you make a reservation someplace nice? I have a couple of things I want to talk about with you."

"Uh, oh." Now Leonard sounded concerned.

"Will you relax? Just some ideas that I want to share with the love of my life," she said. With Leonard reassurance was always in order.

"Oh, OK. Maybe the Ivy? Let's see….it's now 4.30; I have to wind some things up here and go home to change, but I could be there by 7. Can you keep yourself busy until then? There are plenty of nice shoe stores in the area, as I recall."

"Ha, ha. I'll keep busy. Ivy at the Shore at 7 sounds perfect. See you then and there. Love you, sweetie."

"Love you, too."

Penny walked down from her car to the Promenade and ambled casually among the shops. She stopped for a cup of tea, checked the time, then walked down the block and toward the Santa Monica Pier. She stood on the pier for a while, watching the water, then walked down the stairs to the beach. Once at the beach, Penny slipped off her shoes and stockings, looked around quickly before hiding them behind a piling, and walked onto the beach. By now it was almost 6, and the sun was headed toward the horizon. She found a spot by the bike path and sat watching the sun go lower and lower, deep in thought. After a bit, she got up and wandered closer to the water. The sea was calm; the waves lapped quietly on the sand with a reassuring regularity. Penny stared at the beginnings of the sunset, lost in her imagination.

"Hello, sailor," she heard at her side, and came out of her trance with a start. Leonard was standing behind her and to the left, smiling broadly.

"Hey, you," Penny said shyly, caught in an unaccustomedly pensive mood. "How did you know where I was?"

"I checked the Shoe Palace first, but you weren't there," he kidded. "But I know how much you love the beach, and I saw you from up on the bluffs. You know, you looked like something out of a romantic movie from up there – looking out into the ocean and realizing that love was there all along….."

Penny laughed. "Well, something like that. Yeah, I love the beach. Not a lot of ocean in Nebraska." She noted that Leonard was barefoot, a bold move for him.

"Leonard, why do you hate the beach so much? Not much ocean in New Jersey?"

"Oh, your geography needs work. Actually, New Jersey has a lot of ocean, and wonderful beaches. Jersey Shore, remember?"

"So why do you hate it? It's so beautiful," she said, gesturing at the reddening sunset.

He shrugged. "I guess it brings up bad memories. My father liked the beach, my mother hated it. We spent a couple of vacations at the shore, in a beach house. They argued the whole time. My mother would hardly let us onto the beach without two layers of clothing; my father fought to get her to allow us to go into the water. It was a constant battle. I've just always associated the beach with terrible family fights. But this really is beautiful. And being here with you is special. It makes me want to just stand here with you until the sun goes down," he said, leaning in and hugging her.

"Oh, Leonard, you're so romantic. But don't we have to get to the restaurant?"

"I already checked in, they're running late. They said it would be 30 or 40 more minutes. I have a pager," Leonard said, pulling it out of his pocket.

They walked slowly along the beach, eventually coming to the spot where Penny had rested. They sat down, and Leonard looked at his wife curiously. She was uncharacteristically silent.

"Is everything all right?" Leonard asked quietly.

"Everything's fine. Just spent the last couple of hours thinking about things." Penny looked out to the sunset. "Leonard, how much do you love me?"

Leonard was taken aback, but recovered quickly. "I don't know if I can quantify it, Penny. But I can tell you how I feel when I think about you, about us." And he, too, peered out to sea, thinking about how to explain it.

"For much of my life I felt like there was a void, an emptiness. I realize now that it was because my parents never made me feel supported, or protected, or even wanted. I know that made me needy, and that's not so good. But it also made me appreciate kindness, and connection, and warmth. When I met you, I felt that void get smaller and smaller. Even when we were just friends. And then each step in our relationship filled it a little more. When you told me you loved me for the first time, that was big. When we got engaged; when we got married; every time, I felt more and more complete. As I said at our wedding, you make me whole. And now, when I'm with you, I think I feel truly happy for the first time in my life. I feel supported; protected; wanted; loved. And the most amazing thing as that the person who is supporting, protecting, wanting, loving me is the most wonderful woman in the world. It's overwhelming. It makes my heart beat faster just to think about. It's as if every dream I ever had was coming true, every day."

Leonard was speaking as if he were talking to himself. Halfway through this soliloquy, Penny turned from the sunset and looked at her husband. By the end of his answer she could feel herself tearing up.

"Leonard, you're amazing. I don't know what I've ever done to deserve you." And Penny stood up, walking slowly toward the water. She sensed Leonard following her as she looked out to the sunset again.

"Leonard?"

"Yes, Penny?"

"I want us to start a family." She knew she had to give him space; it was not fair to pressure him into something he wasn't ready for. They both had to feel the same way, and she couldn't rush things. So she waited for his response, not looking at him, just staring at the waves. A minute went by, though, and she was getting anxious. Finally she couldn't help herself.

"Well, don't you have anything to say?" she asked, and it sounded a lot harsher than she intended. She finally looked, frustrated, at Leonard standing next to and a little behind her.

Tears were streaming down his cheeks and he was trying hard not to sob. Penny rushed to hug him tightly.

"Shh, shh, it's all right. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I should have known better." And she kicked herself for forgetting how raw and open his emotions were. She could feel his sobs, and the beginnings of a telltale wheeze. She reached quickly into her purse for the inhaler she always carried and pressed it into his hand. He took two deep drags, and after a while his sobs subsided and his breathing returned to normal.

"I didn't mean to take you by surprise," Penny whispered. "And I'm so sorry I yelled at you. I just thought you weren't answering me on purpose."

Leonard took a deep breath, stepped back and looked into Penny's eyes. "You can't imagine how it makes me feel to know that you want to have children with me. What I said before about how I love you. Well, double that, triple it. I'm the luckiest man alive."

Penny shook her head. "I'm the lucky one. Such a brilliant scientist, such a kind, gentle, generous man, wants to have children with me. Me – a simple Nebraska farm girl; it's beyond anything I could have dreamed."

Leonard laughed. "You, simple? I beg to differ. But look at us. I think we just decided to have a baby."

Penny nodded and leaned back in for a tight hug. "I love you, Leonard."

Just then the pager went off. They jumped a bit, then headed back toward the pier and dinner.

 **A/N. Thanks especially to nibbler747 for encouragement, and for an idea used later in the story. All reviews, comments, and suggestions gratefully appreciated.**


	2. Ivy at the Shore

2\. Ivy at the Shore

Leonard and Penny sat down at a corner table, the ivy of the restaurant's name wrapping itself around the trellis that surrounded them. It felt cozy, almost secluded.

"Who'd you have to pay to get this table, Leonard?" Penny asked.

"Just luck, I guess," he shrugged.

They looked over the menu and ordered. A bottle of white wine arrived first and Leonard proposed a toast: "To our family. Soon may it grow."

As they settled in after ordering, Leonard looked at Penny a little more seriously. "You said there were two things you wanted to talk about. I take it a baby was one. What was the other?"

Penny swallowed hard, then told Leonard about the chance meeting in the doctor's office. Somewhat to her surprise, he was enthusiastic.

"That's fantastic! Congratulations! So now we have two things to celebrate! I should order a bottle of champagne," he said, picking up the wine list again. After an intent look, he put it back down. "I think we can probably do without the champagne at $150 a bottle. Jeez, I forgot how expensive this place was. After all, we have to start saving for college. Or maybe kindergarten."

Penny laughed, then became thoughtful. "Is that going to be an issue? I'll have to stop working, at least for a while. I've saved up a bunch, but do you think it will be enough? There's something else," and she told him about her idea of moving out, maybe to a house.

"A house makes sense," Leonard agreed. "It does raise the question of how we're going to work things out with Sheldon. It will be touchy. And this time I don't expect you to back down. But I don't think money is a big problem. My job is secure these days, and I have a couple of patents on the laser work that are starting to pay off. But that's in the future, and I'm sure we'll figure it out. Plus if your acting career takes off, we'll be rich!"

"Don't count your chickens, Leonard. A part is still a long shot, and even if I got it, I doubt it would pay that much. I think it's probably a relatively small part." Suddenly Penny bit her lip. "Oh, no."

"What's the matter? Is it the pregnancy? I'll be there with you every step of the way," Leonard said, concerned.

Penny shook her head. "I just realized something. Even if I _did_ get the part I couldn't take it. With any luck, I'll be pregnant soon."

Leonard smiled. "Who's counting chickens now? Or rather, eggs. We don't know how long it might take for us to get pregnant – it could be months or more. And you don't know when the shooting will be, or even what the role is. I doubt it will be a problem. And if it is, you can talk it over with Ms. Stone. You met her at an Ob-Gyn, after all, and from what you said she's very pregnant, so I'm sure she'll be sympathetic."

Penny looked dubious. "This is a business, Leonard. There's lots of money at stake. No production company can afford to risk a whole picture just because one girl gets pregnant."

Leonard nodded slowly. "Well, you know the industry better. I still think you can cross that bridge when you come to it. But I guess you're right - if they do offer you the role, I suppose you need to warn them about the possibility."

Penny nodded.

Leonard looked down at his plate and cleared his throat. "And, you know, we could always wait until after you're done with the film – I mean, if it comes through. We've waited a while, we can wait another year or whatever it is."

Penny shook her head vigorously. "Absolutely not. The family is more important to me than the film. I won't postpone anything. But I do think I have to tell them."

"Only if you get the part, Penny. Don't put yourself at a disadvantage from the start," Leonard cautioned.

They finished their dinner quietly, mulling over the decisions they had made, and would have to make. As dinner wound down, Leonard excused himself for a few minutes. Penny looked after him, then stared at the ivy and the trellis, thinking about the road ahead of them. It was exciting and frightening, all at the same time. But she knew that Leonard would, as he said, be with her every step of the way. He had always been her rock, and he always would be.

"Why the big smile?" Leonard asked, walking back toward the table.

"Nothing, just happy," Penny answered.

As they left the restaurant, Penny groaned.

"What is it?"

"After that beautiful sunset on the beach, and that wonderful romantic dinner, the last thing I want to do is get into my car and drive an hour back to Pasadena alone. Can we leave the car here and come back for it tomorrow? I really want to be with you."

Leonard smiled. "This is your lucky night! I just booked us a room at a little hotel down the road, right by the beach. I figured we could stay the night here. Maybe get started on our next project."

"What proj – oh, that one!" Penny said, her eyes widening. She hugged Leonard tight, yet again, and kissed him passionately. "My romance ninja strikes again. Let's go to an inn by the sea and make a baby."

They got their cars and Penny followed Leonard less than a mile down Ocean Avenue. They stopped at a modest hotel called the Tides Inn, right on the beach. They checked in, got some travel toiletries from the front desk, and walked up to their room. It was a comfortable king on the second floor with a balcony facing the water.

Leonard settled in and texted Sheldon to tell him they wouldn't be home – just so his roommate wouldn't worry that they'd been kidnapped. He explained that they were going to have a spur-of-the-moment romantic night alone. To his surprise, Sheldon texted back immediately wishing them a wonderful night. Perhaps, Leonard thought with a smile, their man-child had amorous plans of his own.

As Leonard texted, Penny walked out onto the balcony. She saw her husband put his phone away, and called to him to join her. The couple stood holding hands, looking out on the beach.

"You can hear the waves break," Penny noted. "It's so peaceful. It's hard to believe we're in the city."

"I know. We should come to the beach more often."

Penny looked at Leonard sharply. "I thought you had all those bad memories of the beach?"

Leonard raised his head and looked up at the moon. "They've all been erased by some new memories. Of walking on the beach with the woman I love. Of hearing her tell me she wants to have my children. Of the happiest moment of my life."

"Oh, Leonard," Penny sighed, "you always know what to say."

They stood on the balcony for a while longer, the moonlight shimmering on the sea, the palm trees waving slightly in the breeze.

"How about we get started on that project?" Leonard suggested. And they headed inside.


	3. Falling

3\. Falling

The couple climbed slowly up the stairs to the fourth floor, holding hands. They walked into Apartment 4A to find Sheldon and Amy sitting at the kitchen high-top, eating lunch.

"Hello, you two lovebirds," Amy said brightly. "Sheldon said you had an impromptu night of romance by the beach. What brought that on?"

Penny and Leonard looked at each other. Leonard saw the "no" in her eyes, and they turned to the other couple. "We just needed some alone time, and I happened to be over in Santa Monica for work. Last-minute thing," Penny said.

"Was it nice?" Amy asked.

"Very," the two responded, in unison, and all four laughed.

"We would offer you lunch," Sheldon said, "but I'm afraid there isn't much left."

"Thanks, buddy," Leonard said. "We had a big brunch on Venice Beach before we came home. I think we're full."

"Definitely," Penny agreed. "I could use some coffee, though." And she went over to the coffee maker and started to pull out the materials to get a pot going.

Sheldon and Amy looked at each other. Sheldon cleared his throat. "Nothing you want to tell us, then?"

Leonard and Penny looked at each other, nervously now. "Umm, no, not really. Why?" Leonard said.

"What about you, Penny?" Amy asked, with a sly look.

"Umm, no, can't think of anything," the young blonde answered with a quick glance at her husband.

"Well," Amy said, "a messenger delivered something for you this morning. I ran into him as he was leaving it at the door to your apartment. At least I think it used to be your apartment – you seem to be over here all the time now. Anyway, here it is." And she handed Penny a large manila envelope. The address label had, in big block letters, a return address for "Greenstein Productions." Amy was certain to know the implications, even if Sheldon wasn't.

"Want to tell us something now?" Amy asked with a grin.

Penny rolled her eyes. "Jeez, there are no secrets around here." Leonard shot her a glance, and she grinned back at him. "OK, I ran into Diane Green and George Stein by accident, and it turns out they'd like me to read for them. I'm sure it won't amount to anything, but I agreed to do it."

Sheldon looked shocked. "But Penny, you have a real job now. Why would you give that up?"

"Sheldon!" Amy said sharply. "Penny has a right to pursue more than one career option at a time. You have to respect that."

"Oh. OK." Sheldon said meekly, as Leonard and Penny looked on gleefully. Dr. Cooper seemed to have more than met his match in Dr. Farrah Fowler. Perhaps, Leonard thought, coitus had subtly changed the balance of power in the relationship, although he wasn't sure he wanted to think much about why. Was it really possible that Sheldon Cooper was complying with the demands of another human being in order to maintain access to her sexual favors?

"So what's the movie?" Amy asked excitedly. "Who's in it?"

Penny shook her head. "No idea. I guess I can tell something from whatever it is they sent me."

She tore open the envelope and looked at the twenty or so sheets inside. "After the Fall," she read. "I wonder what that's about?"

Leonard and Amy looked at each other, wide-eyed. Leonard spoke first. "That's an Arthur Miller play. A really important one. It's based on his marriage to Marilyn Monroe."

"Arthur Miller was married to Marilyn Monroe?! Arthur Miller, the guy who wrote _Death of a Salesman_?" Penny exclaimed, shocked. Leonard nodded. "Was that after, or before, Joe Dimaggio?"

"After," Amy said. "They were married for three or four years. I think they had just gotten divorced when she committed suicide. I've never seen it, but it's supposed to be a very powerful play."

"I saw an old movie of it once, with Faye Dunaway as the Marilyn character." He winced. "It's very dark. And not very flattering to Marilyn."

Penny was still in shock. She looked at the pages. "These are all scenes for Maggie. They want me to read for Maggie. That's Marilyn Monroe, right?"

"I think so," Leonard said. He looked at the first page. "Yes. See, the Arthur Miller character is called Quentin."

"So he wrote a play about his ex-wife after they were divorced and she was dead, making her look bad. That's cold. And nasty," Penny said with a shudder.

Amy was more thoughtful. "I don't know much about it, but I think it's more complicated than that. But I guess you'll see. And just think – Maggie is the female lead! It's a really important part."

Penny nodded thoughtfully. This was a script she didn't know, about a character based on a person everyone knew, apparently from the point of view of somebody who was hostile toward her. The reading would be quite a challenge. But it was certain to be a serious film - sort of the exact opposite of that horrible monkey movie. And, for the first time in a long time, she felt like she really wanted to do well at the audition – even, maybe, to get the part.

Leonard looked at Penny with concern. "Everything all right?"

Penny snapped out of her thoughts. "Yep. Just thinking that this is not going to be easy. And that I'm excited."

Leonard smiled. "There's a lot to be excited about. Wanna head over to your place and start working on the scenes? I can help."

Penny nodded, and they couple headed out the door. "See you later, you two," Amy called after them, and the couple waved good-bye.


	4. Becoming Maggie

4\. Becoming Maggie

Penny had been sitting on her couch, reading the scenes from Greenstein Productions in complete silence, for nearly two hours. Leonard wandered into the kitchen, looking at her with some concern. Finally he had to ask.

"Everything all right?"

Penny nodded. "But this is going to be hard. I'm really not sure how I'm going to do it."

"Want some coffee? You never did get around to making any across the way," Leonard offered.

Penny nodded again. "So much emotion. But where is it coming from? How do I get to it?"

Leonard finished getting the coffee maker ready and stood by the counter. "What do you mean? Isn't that what actors do, emotion?"

Penny smiled. "It's not like that, sweetie. We don't just "do" emotion. The emotion comes from the motivation."

Leonard looked confused. "How is that different?"

Penny looked up a bit. "Here, let me show you. Better yet, you can do it. Come over here and sit down. Now, first, think of something I do that makes you upset, and act like you're upset with me."

Leonard thought a bit, and then started, with an angry look on his face, "I can't stand when you make fun of me! It makes me crazy! It's not right for you to make fun of your own husband…" and he stopped, realizing how artificial it sounded.

Penny smiled. "OK, now this time think of the thing I do that makes you upset, and here's your goal, your motivation. You're trying to make me understand how and why this upsets you."

Leonard paused and thought for a minute, then started in. "You know, when you make fun of me, of something I say or do, it really hurts. It reminds me of all the times I got picked on as a kid, all the times my mother ridiculed me, all the bullying and hatred I had to put up with. I thought I was past that, and if there was one place I thought I'd never have to deal with it, I figured it would be from my wife. But you roll your eyes, and make nasty little comments, and I could just die all over again. It's like a dagger in my heart –" His eyes were starting to tear up, and Penny was sitting there with her mouth open.

"Stop, stop!" Penny cried, and grabbed Leonard in a tight hug, kissing his eyes. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Leonard, I had no idea!"

Leonard sniffled a little and caught his breath, then gave Penny a little smile. Penny kissed him tenderly and shook her head. "Well, I guess we each just learned something. I learned how thoughtless I can be; and you learned the difference between acting an emotion and acting with a motivation."

Leonard smiled at her and nodded. After he'd enjoyed a bit more of the consolation his acting had earned him, he asked, "So what's the problem with these scenes?"

Penny shook her head. "I can't really figure it out. Of course, these are only three scenes, and I guess I can see this as a really nasty attack on his ex-wife. But I'm not sure." She got up and began to pace.

"I would have to see the whole script, of course, but even in these scenes I get a different vibe. You could play her as an ignorant slut at first, and then as a whiny drug addict trying to nag him into coming back to her. I see that. But I don't think that's the only way of reading it. I think she's desperate for love at the beginning; and then, at the end, trying to get him to see why she's so damaged. I don't see her as pathetic or evil, so much, more as love-starved. Tortured or tormented, especially toward the end. Right, that's it, tormented."

Leonard knew to keep quiet. She wasn't really talking to him, she was working things out to herself.

"Tormented because nobody really ever loved her for herself, not even her own mother. Because guys were only after her because she was, you know, Marilyn. But she was more than that, she was smart and ambitious and talented. But so damaged. And he saw the intelligence and the talent, but he didn't see the damage, he thought she was just taking things out on him. She was trying to get him to understand. Understand why she was drugged up all the time, why she couldn't face the crowds, why she needed him to take care of her. Right. Right. Get him to take care of her. There are times a girl just wants to be taken care of, even a big girl, even Marilyn. Wow."

Leonard could see the excitement on her face as she walked back and forth, gesturing. Suddenly she stopped.

"OK, let's do this. Leonard, let's do this first scene." She sat down closer to him and put the first three or four pages on the coffee table where they could both see them. "You're Quentin. Now, this looks like it's where they first meet, at a bus stop." And they did the scene. Penny was a scatter-brained young woman, trying hard to impress an older professional man. Leonard could sense the desperation beneath her breathless banter, the craving to connect. He was completely absorbed in her rendition.

"Yeah, I think that's the way to go," she said abruptly, as they came to the end of the scene. It pulled Leonard out of his trance. He had almost forgotten she was acting. But Penny seemed to be able to turn it on and off at will.

Penny looked back over the scene, took a pencil and made a few marks on the page, biting her lip as she went through it. She rifled through to the next scene and studied it for a while, as Leonard busied himself in the kitchen. Then she called Leonard over and put the pages on the coffee table.

"This must be a few years later. She's made it. In the play she's a singer – that's why Miller threw the references to music in up front, to foreshadow – and Quentin has been following her career, but they haven't been in touch. It's the first time they meet again."

This time, Penny was much more self-assured. But there was still a palpable desire to impress Quentin, to pull him toward her. There was a mix of a successful star and a woman desperate to be with somebody. It was very touching. And again Penny brought the scene to an abrupt end even as Leonard was drowning in it. She marked up the pages a lot more this time, and sat deep in thought. Eventually Leonard couldn't help himself.

"What are you thinking about?"

Penny looked up and smiled. "I was thinking that I might draw a little bit on the times I've tried to get you guys to take me seriously, as something more than a dumb blonde."

Leonard looked stricken. "You don't really think we consider you a dumb blonde, do you?"

"No, of course not. But there is always a question mark. I'm the only one who's not a scientist, you know. And Maggie's there, you see. She's made it, she's a success, but Quentin is a big-shot lawyer and she has that nagging doubt that he doesn't take her seriously. And she's desperate for him to take her seriously."

Leonard nodded. He'd never been so deeply immersed in Penny's acting choices. It was quite amazing. He didn't want to interrupt, but he couldn't help it. He stood behind her and massaged her neck and upper back. She leaned back into the massage and smiled up at him.

"I'm so glad I'm getting to see the genius at work," Leonard said. Penny rolled her eyes. "I'm serious. This is incredible. I had no idea so much thought could go into one five-page scene. And you're so insightful, so intelligent," he gushed.

"Shush. Thanks, but shush. It's acting, honey. It's what I do. What I used to do. Maybe what I'll do again." She shook her head. She had forgotten how exciting a new part could be, especially a good new part. Maybe, just maybe, this could be it?

"This is the third scene, Leonard. This is the hardest. It's really heart-breaking. You see how she's attacking him and pleading with him at the same time. I think it's clear to me. But it's so raw." She scrunched up her face in a way Leonard thought was incredibly adorable, then motioned to him to sit down and start the scene.

This time Penny was a blubbering mess, slurring her words. Then lashing out at him – rather, at Quentin – with some of the nastiest invective imaginable. Then back to being a whimpering basket case. The remarkable thing, Leonard noted, was that it held together. You could see why a desperate woman, a woman desperate to get her man back, would shift back and forth between begging and berating. And how she tried so hard to get him to understand how miserable she was, how much she was suffering. It was painful to see how Quentin didn't get it.

The scene ended, and Penny leaned back on the couch, exhausted. Leonard looked at the clock. It was past 7; they'd spent the better part of six hours on the three scenes. He held her hand and rubbed her wrist gently.

"Maybe that's enough for today, Penny?"

She smiled at him and nodded. "Thanks for helping me, Leonard. You're so patient. Such a great husband." Her eyes lit up. "And you'll be such a great father."

Leonard's eyes immediately teared up, and Penny laughed. "You're such an easy cry, honey. But I love you for it. How about we go out for another nice dinner and then go another round on that project of ours?"


	5. Reading for Greenstein

5\. Reading for Greenstein

Penny was used to cattle calls where she'd walk into a room with thirty women all of whom looked like her, waiting for the wrangler to rustle her into the corral for inspection. This was different. She parked in the small lot next to the three-story Greenstein Productions building in West Los Angeles, and gave her name at the front desk. She was ushered immediately into the waiting area of an office within which she could hear voices. The receptionist left her there and said, "Ms. Green and Mr. Stein will be with you very shortly."

The waiting area was decorated with a dozen or more movie posters. Penny saw that some were of Diane Green's biggest parts; another couple Penny recognized to be of films either she or George Stein had directed. A few more seemed to be of George Stein productions. Diane Green had been a huge star for a dozen years, then cut back on her acting right around the time they had their first child. When she returned to work she was doing more directing than acting. George Stein had started as a director, then became a producer. In fact, Penny remembered reading that they had met on the set of one of his movies. She recalled a story about how they fought incessantly during shooting – both of them were known for their strong views and stubbornness – and then started dating immediately afterwards. The two now operated as a team: he directed and she acted, or he produced and she directed. They had a reputation for being business-like but fair and principled, and of only investing their time and energy in quality projects. They were quite young to be as powerful as they were – Penny guessed she was in her early forties, he in his late forties – but between them they had decades of experience in every aspect of the film industry.

The door opened and a young man emerged, looking chastened. Diane Green saw him out, then smiled at Penny and turned back toward the office. "George, Penny Hofstadter's here." She then turned to Penny and said, "Let's head down to the conference room. It's a better space for a reading."

As the three of them walked down the hallway, Diane tried to calm the young woman. "Listen, Penny, it's just the three of us. Do it like you're showing some friends how you'd play the part. The main thing we're interested in is your interpretation. There's no right or wrong; it's how you think the part should be performed."

Penny smiled and sat down, then stood up. "Can I stand? I think it works better standing."

"Sure," George said. "Whatever you like. Whenever you're ready. I'll be Quentin." And they were off.

Penny felt that she conveyed the vision she had of Maggie, the ideas she'd mulled over at home and explained to Leonard and worked on since then. But it was impossible to tell what Diane and George thought – they were too professional to give anything away. After the reading, they went back to the office and asked Penny to wait outside. After a few minutes, they ushered her in.

Diane began. "Penny, let me ask you something. What's your view of Maggie? I know this is just three scenes, but perhaps you know the play. Or not. But how do you think of her?"

Penny explained how she had been trying to conceptualize the character, more or less as she had laid it out for Leonard. Diane and George looked at each other.

George spoke next. "We're impressed. One of the reasons Diane and I have wanted to do _After the Fall_ for a long time is that we're not happy with the typical interpretation. It's usually done with Marilyn, Maggie, as a pathetic bitch, and Miller came in for a lot of criticism. He was adamant that that's not how he meant it, and we believe him. Our vision of Maggie is much closer to yours. And one of the reasons we thought of you was that you transmit the kind of fresh-faced enthusiasm that we think Maggie has to have, at least at the start."

Penny nodded, trying to control her excitement.

Diane picked up. "We have some work to do with casting for this project. But we're definitely interested in talking more with you. Can we be back in touch through your agent? Probably later this week or early next."

Penny started. She hadn't bothered to mention the reading to her agent. "Honestly, I haven't even told her about this. She'll be surprised to know I'm even being considered for a part in a movie. But I'll contact her right away and tell her that you might be calling."

George looked at Diane and cleared his throat. "Hmm. Well, there's something you should know, but you have to keep it to yourself."

"Of course," Penny agreed.

"Our plan is to put this on as a stage play, at the Playhouse in Westwood. Is that a problem? Do you have stage experience?"

Penny was a little taken aback. A stage play was hardly as prominent as a movie, even if it was in a pretty good medium-sized theater. On the other hand, if it was being produced and directed by these two, it would get plenty of attention.

"Oh, sure. Nothing big recently. But I've done Blanche in _Streetcar_ and some others; actually, Linda Loman in _Salesman_ and a girl in _The Crucible_. I know it's different from film, but I think I know the ropes well enough."

"Good," Diane said. "We'll be in touch. And thanks for coming in; you did a really good job. We're definitely intrigued."

Penny left, practically floating on air. She called Leonard immediately and passed along the news. She was still floating as she walked up the stairs to her apartment an hour later. She unlocked the door and walked in to find the room bathed in candlelight, a huge bouquet of roses on the coffee table, and a bottle of champagne on ice in a chiller next to the flowers. Her jaw dropped.

She heard the toilet flush from the back room, and Leonard came rushing out, practically tripping on the rug. "Damn it, my timing is so bad. I wanted to be here to see the look on your face," he said, disappointed.

Without a word, Penny turned around and walked back out, closing the door behind her. She reopened it and screamed in shock, dropping her purse; her hand flew to her mouth, and she began to cry.

Leonard stood there laughing. "That's my actor!"

Penny smiled at him. "Seriously, Leonard, it's beautiful. You're such a wonderful husband."

The couple kissed warmly. "I'm so proud of you," Leonard said, and Penny could feel the glow. "Let's go out to celebrate. I made reservations at Santorini."

"Dinner out again? We're going to burn through our savings before the baby is even conceived," Penny said. "That sounds nice, but I was thinking we could stay home tonight. I really feel like spending the evening here alone with you. Especially with all this," as she swept her hands across the array of romantic tokens.

"Of course!" Leonard said. "I'll cancel. And we can order in. Or I can cook. Pasta?"

"Sounds great. Let me go change into something more comfortable and we can start on the champagne."

As Leonard began laying out the flutes and getting ready to open the bottle, there was a familiar knocking at the door.

Knock-knock-knock, "Penny."

Knock-knock-knock, "Penny."

Knock-knock-knock, "Penny."

Leonard walked to the door and opened it. He was surprised to see both Sheldon and Amy at the door, grinning broadly.

"Where's Penny?" Amy said, walking right past Leonard. "How did it go?"

Leonard was taken aback. "She's changing. And, umm, we thought we'd spend the evening celebrating here," hoping they'd take the hint.

"That sounds great!" Amy said, as Penny walked in.

"Look, honey, Amy and Sheldon are here," Leonard said, his eyes pleading for help.

"How did it go, Bestie?"

"It was really interesting, Amy. Thanks for coming by. Look at what Leonard did for me!" she said, emphasizing the "me." But no luck.

"Look, Sheldon, champagne," Amy said, excitedly. Sheldon grimaced. Penny looked over at Leonard and shrugged.

"Let's all have some," Leonard said, giving in. "Sheldon, I think we have some ginger ale for you."

They sat and Penny filled them all in on the reading. When she got to the part about the stage play, Leonard looked very worried. Their eyes met and they both realized they'd have to talk once they were alone. If they were ever alone.

Fortunately, Sheldon gave them an opportunity. As conversation about the reading petered out, he cleared his throat.

"Leonard, you do realize that you've been in pretty serious violation of the Roommate Agreement this past week." His tone was stern, but hardly as angry as Leonard had expected.

"I know, I know, Sheldon, but there have been extenuating circumstances. I was helping Penny with her lines, and other things…" he trailed off, not sure how or whether to continue.

"What other things? Do we need to amend the agreement yet again?"

Penny and Leonard looked at each other. Somehow they agreed, silently, on how to move forward.

Penny took the lead. "Look, guys, we have something we want to tell you. But you have to promise to keep it a secret. Sheldon, that means you. You are hereby forewarned. You can't say we didn't tell you in advance. Can you keep a secret?"

Sheldon looked panicky. "I can't promise anything!" he said fearfully.

Amy poked him in the side. "Sheldon, I'll help you. This sounds important. If it's important to Leonard and Penny, it's important to us. And you remember what we talked about."

"Oh, all right," Sheldon sighed.

Penny looked over at Leonard, who gave a slight nod. "Well, we've decided we want to start a family. In fact, we've been trying already – we started that night at the beach last week."

Amy jumped up. "That's so exciting! I'm so happy for you! You have to tell us when, you know, when it happens!"

Sheldon looked confused. Amy looked down at him and said, "Don't you get it, Sheldon? They're trying to get pregnant."

"Well, that's certainly not going to work," Sheldon huffed.

"What?!" all three of them cried simultaneously. "Sheldon," Amy said, "we talked about things like this. What happened to being a good friend?"

"Good friend or not," Sheldon insisted, "you of all people should know that unless he has been hiding something from us, Leonard is incapable of getting pregnant. Indeed, if he _is_ capable of getting pregnant, I'd be willing to wager that he's not capable of impregnating Penny."

All three collapsed into laughter. Leonard was the first to respond. "Sheldon, it's an expression. We, as a couple, are trying to get Penny pregnant. Don't be so obtuse."

"Oh. Well, then, good luck with impregnating Penny. I think you two will be very good parents. Just don't expect me to do any babysitting."

"Don't worry, we won't. But here's the thing," Penny continued. "We've really decided to move forward with this. And that means we are going to want to make some progress toward living together. You do realize, Sheldon, that this sometimes sleeping here, sometimes sleeping there, was supposed to be temporary. We can continue it for a while, but if I do get pregnant we're really going to want to be in one place. It will be easier, especially after the baby comes."

Amy and Sheldon looked at each other, and Amy smiled. "Sheldon?"

Sheldon cleared his throat. "Well, that's an interesting turn of events," as Leonard and Penny looked surprised. "Over the past weekend Amy and I have been talking about our living arrangement. And I decided – I mean, we decided – that once it seemed appropriate, we'd ask if you would consider moving in together here so that Amy could move in with me. In Leonard's room, of course. At least for the time being."

Penny and Leonard were dumbstruck. Leonard recovered first. "That is fantastic news, buddy. I'm really happy to know how well you two are getting along. We can work out the details eventually, but it's a deal. I'll move in with Penny, and Amy can take my room. When did you want to do this?"

"Maybe in a month or two," Sheldon said. "No reason to shake things up for now. Perhaps once Penny is impregnated?"

"God, Sheldon, can you stop saying that?" Penny complained. "It's almost as bad as coitus. You make me sound like one of my father's cows."

Leonard continued the conversation. "That makes sense. We'll start to get things ready, and once Penny is expecting we'll make the move."

The four sipped on their drinks, contemplating the changes underway, and in store. Leonard cleared his throat.

"Umm, you know, I sort of planned this as a romantic evening for the two of us."

Amy jumped up. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Sheldon, we should be going."

Sheldon looked confused. "But why? I haven't finished my ginger ale."

Penny broke in. "Think of it this way, Sheldon. The sooner you leave, the sooner Amy might be able to move in with you."

Sheldon looked even more confused. Penny looked at him mysteriously. "Figure it out, genius."

Amy and Leonard laughed and shook their heads, as Amy led her boyfriend out the door, whispering to him as they went. As the door closed, the couple heard "Oh, I get it!" from out in the hallway.


	6. Stage one

6\. Stage one

Immediately after Sheldon and Amy left, Penny asked her husband why he'd looked so worried when she'd mentioned that this was for a stage play.

Leonard hesitated. "It's just that, for a movie, you film it and it's over. So I figured that even with a big part it would be a few weeks, maybe a month or two. But with a play…well, they can run for six months, a year. And if you do get pregnant, what then?"

Penny nodded. "I thought of that after I left the office. I know we talked about it at dinner, but you told me not to say anything before I had the part. So I figured I'd wait. But you're right, it could be a problem."

Leonard changed tone. "You put it well, though, at dinner. No use getting out in front of ourselves. Let's see what happens with the part. There's no reason why the timing couldn't work out."

Nonetheless, Penny was so nervous the rest of the week that she could barely concentrate on work. Bernadette asked her several times if everything was all right, but Penny felt she had to keep the acting possibility secret; she didn't want her friend to have to lie to Dan. If it came through, they'd tell the company. If….

Wednesday evening, Penny's agent called with good news. Green and Stein wanted to see her again, Friday afternoon at 4, if possible. Her agent briefed her first, on the general rules of the game, how much money she could expect and how much she could ask for, and other details.

"These two bargain hard, but don't let them lowball you. You get scale for a principal, at the very least, no matter what. Don't let them tell you about what a good stepping stone it might be, how good the exposure is. They might be right, but you still deserve scale, and then some. Got it?"

Penny agreed, even though she probably would have done the part for free. But her agent was right about the principle, even if the main principle from the agent's standpoint was to maximize her commission.

Later Thursday evening, as the couple got into bed, Penny touched Leonard on the arm.

"Leonard?" she said timidly.

"Don't worry, you will be fantastic," he told her. "And even if you don't get the part, now you're on their radar."

"I know. But I was wondering…would you be willing to come with me? I'm so nervous. I'm sorry, I know you have to work, but it would make me feel better to know you were there."

"Of course. Whatever you want."

They pulled into the parking lot the next afternoon a few minutes to 4. Leonard gave his wife a big hug and said, "Break a leg."

"You're not coming in?"

"I, uh, didn't think it was what you wanted. Do actors usually bring their husbands?"

"Oh. Well, OK, you can wait here. I hope I'm not too long."

Leonard sat in the car reading. But not ten minutes later, Penny came running back out.

"Leonard, come in. The receptionist said you can wait in their lounge. It's really nice, they have lots of drinks and snacks."

So Leonard waited in the lounge while Penny went to talk to the Greenstein conglomerate.

This time it was George who came out to greet Penny. Diane was still sitting next to the desk as Penny walked in. "Sorry if I don't get up. I can barely walk these days," she explained.

"No problem at all," Penny said, sitting down.

George smiled at her from behind the desk. "Well, we've talked about it, and we'd like to offer you the part."

Penny drew in her breath. "Thank you. Thank you so much. I am so, so honored."

Diane nodded. "There are some things you should know. We didn't want to go into too much detail before. The plan is for a three-month run at the Westwood Playhouse. That's sort of normal. But here's the kicker. We have high hopes for this production. It's the hundredth anniversary of Miller's birth, and revivals of his plays have been doing very well in New York. So we're thinking that if the reception is good, we will work on bringing it to Broadway."

Penny stared, unbelieving. Broadway. Not in her wildest dreams….

"Of course, that's far in the future and depends on lots of different things – including your performance. No pressure, right?" she smiled. "But we wanted to let you know."

Penny nodded excitedly. Then she remembered with a shock what she and Leonard had talked about.

"Everything all right?" Diane asked. "You just looked like you saw a ghost."

Penny stammered. "I…I have to tell you something. My husband and I are trying to get pregnant. I know it may seem stupid, but it means a lot to us. I would hate to pass up this chance, but I would have to talk to him about it before agreeing. He's very supportive, but both of us want children badly, and…."

Diane interrupted. "I certainly understand. We understand." She looked at George, who was writing some things down on a pad. "But it shouldn't be a problem. You're not pregnant yet, you said. At least you weren't last week in the doctor's office!"

"No, no, we just started trying," Penny answered.

"Well, do the math. We're into rehearsals in two weeks, we open six weeks later, it's a three month run. So even if you got pregnant this month, the show would close before you were five months pregnant. Believe me, that's doable - I should know. You'll barely be showing, and we can always costume around it."

"But what about New York?" Penny asked, dreading the answer.

George laughed. "Do you have any idea how long it can take to get backing for a Broadway play? It costs millions of dollars to guarantee a good run, and it's a lot riskier than a movie. And we don't have a track record in the legitimate theater. I'd be surprised if this play went to Broadway a year from now, and that's optimistic. Of course, if it's a success, we'll want you for Broadway. That will be in your contract, so you'd have to be willing to move to New York for at least six months. Do you think you can do that?"

Penny wrung her hands. "I don't know, I don't know. My husband is an experimental physicist at Caltech and he can't move." The couple looked at each other, surprised, but Penny continued. "And if there was a baby…."

Diane looked at her kindly. "Well, why don't you talk to your husband and get back to us. But it has to be quickly, by Monday. OK?"

Penny looked embarrassed. "Actually, I could talk to him now. He's waiting in the lounge. I was so nervous I asked him to come with me."

Diane and George both laughed. Diane said, "He sounds like a sweetheart. Why don't you go talk to him now, and then come back and let us know. And bring him with you! I don't think I've ever met a physicist."

Penny practically ran to the lounge and found Leonard surrounded by the remains of an array of soft drinks and snacks.

"Leonard, Leonard, they offered me the part but the pregnancy, it might have been an issue but they don't think so, but then they say they want it to go to Broadway and if that happened it wouldn't be a year from now and so that works but they want me to-"

"Whoa, whoa, all I got was that they offered you the part. Congratulations! What's all the rest? You completely lost me. Just calm down and tell me what's going on."

Penny explained about the timing of the local production, and that it shouldn't be a problem. He nodded. Then she told him about the possibility of moving the production to New York, and the commitment to at least a six-month stay. "So it would mean six months apart. Just six months, though."

"No way," Leonard said, very simply.

Penny was heartbroken. However, she wasn't too surprised. Leaving a baby for six months seemed nearly impossible – certainly undesirable. And she couldn't imagine taking the baby with her to New York alone. "I understand, Leonard. It's not the right time, what with trying to get pregnant and all. I'll go tell them thanks but no thanks."

"Don't you dare!" Leonard stood up. "What I meant was that there's no way I would let you go to New York alone. Especially with a baby. I'd go with you. Even if I have to take a leave of absence. Even if I have to quit. There are other jobs. This is much more important. Your career, and our family. Go tell them you're on board."

Penny threw her arms around Leonard and held him tight. "Thank you, thank you. You're the best husband ever."

"OK, OK. Just go tell them before they change their minds!"

"They're not going to change their minds in ten minutes, sweetie. Anyway, we can go tell them together. They want to meet you."

The couple walked back to the office, hand in hand, and knocked on the door. George opened it.

Penny walked in. "This is my husband, Leonard."

George shook his hand, and Leonard walked over to where Diane was sitting and shook hers. "It's an honor to meet you."

"Well?" Diane said, turning to Penny.

"Yes." Penny said. "We can work it all out, including New York if that comes to pass."

"Great!" Diane said. "We'll have the lawyers get in touch with your agent about terms. Welcome aboard. This is going to be a lot of fun."

Penny smiled, then stopped. "In all the excitement, I forgot to ask a couple of things. Who's directing the play? And who plays Quentin? Can you tell me or is it a secret?"

George glanced at Diane, who nodded. "It's a little bit of a secret," he said, "and we haven't finalized things. But Diane will be directing. And for Quentin we're in the final stages of negotiating with Leonardo DiCaprio. You never know, it might fall through, but it looks pretty good."

Penny's eyes were wider than Leonard had imagined was possible.

George saw her look and laughed a little. "I know, awfully big star for a medium-size playhouse. But I think he likes the challenge. It's a very difficult role. And Penny, one of the reasons we like you for Maggie is that you're new talent. That works well as a foil to Quentin, who's meant to be a self-assured, established professional, 10 or 15 years older than Maggie."

Penny nodded, still in shock. George and Diane looked at the couple in a way that told Leonard that their business was done. Leonard touched Penny's shoulder, "I think we can leave, honey."

George laughed again. "Go ahead. We'll be back in touch. Rehearsals start in two weeks. We'll want to stay in contact in the meantime – work with costume, maybe have you meet a few of the other cast members, consult with Diane or me. OK?"

Penny nodded again, and Leonard took her by the hand. "Thank you so much," he said, squeezing her hand hard.

"Oh! Yes, thank you, thank you. I can't tell you how excited I am. Just call or text whenever you want to be in touch. Thank you again," Penny babbled as Leonard led her out of the office.

The couple walked slowly out to the parking lot and sat quietly in the car, Penny staring straight ahead, Leonard watching her closely. He was pretty sure he knew what she was thinking, and he had no intention of disturbing her.

But after a few minutes, Leonard put his hand on Penny's. "You did it," he whispered.

Penny nodded, and continued to stare out the window. Leonard let a few minutes go by, then turned toward Penny again. "What?" Penny asked.

"I've never been more proud of anyone in my life," Leonard said softly.

"Thank you," Penny said quietly, turning back to look out the window. After a few more minutes, Leonard once more put his hand lightly on Penny's. Once again, he said, "You did it, Penny."

This time Penny shook her head and clasped her husband's hand tightly. "No, sweetie. We did it."

Leonard scoffed, "You mean because of all the times I had doubts, and raised questions and objections, and tried to hold you back?"

Penny shook her head. "You were just being cautious, and looking out for me. Leonard, you have to know how important it was to me that I always knew you would be there for me, no matter what. You just wanted me to be realistic."

"Well, who's the realist now?" Leonard insisted. Penny just shook her head.

After another pause, Leonard laughed to himself. "I guess two out of three isn't bad."

In response to Penny's confused look, Leonard explained. "The day we met, you told us you wanted to be a famous actress. That's one. That day, I told myself I wanted to spend my life with you. That's two. And that day, I told Sheldon that our babies would be smart and beautiful."

"You didn't! What did Sheldon say?"

"He said they'd be imaginary."

"That does sound like him," Penny laughed. "Well, maybe we should get started on number three. Just to prove him wrong."

As Leonard started the car and they headed for home, Penny took out her phone. "I guess I have some people to contact. Text my agent first. And Amy and Sheldon. Oh, Bernadette. Hey Leonard, is it all right if I invite her over tonight? Did you have another celebration planned?"

"My only plan was to work on number three."

"Oh, we can fit that in after Bernie leaves."

"Why do you need to see Bernadette in person?" Leonard asked. "Can't you just text her, too?"

"Remember, I didn't tell her anything. But I have to give notice Monday and I don't want her to hear it from Dan."

"Got it," Leonard recalled. "Are you going to mention the baby thing?"

"Absolutely not. I don't want to take any of the attention away from Howard and her. Once we're pregnant, sure, but not now."

Leonard nodded.

"Do you understand?" she asked, more insistently. "Not one word to anyone except Sheldon and Amy. I know how much you want to tell your friends, you big blabbermouth. But just hold off."

"Look who's calling who a blabbermouth! But all right, all right," Leonard agreed. "Maybe I'll go over and hang with Sheldon. He's been looking sort of down lately."

"He's probably just missing his buddy. You know how much he needs you."

"I know, I know. Do you think that's going to be a problem?"

"Why should it?" Penny was puzzled. "I'm the one who'll be in rehearsals, not you."

"Well, I just thought…" Leonard started, and then broke off. Penny could hear the hurt in his voice.

"What is it now?" she asked, rolling her eyes and unable to keep the frustration out of her tone. Then pinching herself internally for falling into bad habits.

"I was just thinking I could help you run lines. Maybe come to some rehearsals. Maybe drive you to and from the theater. Go see the performances. Just, you know, participate?"

Penny sighed. "Of course you will. You'll be involved every step of the way…..Only, I'm not sure how I feel about rehearsals. I'll be nervous enough without you there."

"Oh. Then of course not. Whatever helps you out. I just want to be able to support you, any way I can."

Penny got to work with her phone, while Leonard mulled over the events of the day. When she was done he looked over at her.

"I was thinking. You'll be really busy, and going back and forth between apartments is complicated. How would you feel about pushing things up a little, and our moving over to your place now, rather than waiting? I'm not trying to pressure you, I just thought it might be easier for you to be in one place."

Penny thought. "I think you're right. The going back and forth is getting old. But will Sheldon freak out?"

"He seemed a lot calmer about it this time. With Amy moving in with him, maybe it won't be such a big deal. And anyway, wherever we're living, the play is going to affect group activities. He's going to need to get used to it."

Penny thought. "True. But let's break it to him gently. The last thing I want is for this opportunity to pull me away from him. From any of our friends. That's important."

And they continued the drive home, deep in thought.

* * *

 **A/N: For those who believe the DiCaprio idea is absurd: He has talked recently about trying the stage; the age difference between him and Penny/Cuoco is ideal for the play in question; he has specialized in characters who are flawed but human, like Quentin; the Westwood Playhouse (actually now the Geffen, but I didn't think he needed any more publicity) is a perfect venue for an experiment of this sort – much closer to his home than the larger downtown theaters, and often used (for example by Steve Martin) for trial runs; and there continues to be very strong interest in all Miller plays. So there.**


	7. And so it begins

7\. And so it begins

"I knew it, Leonard. I knew this was the beginning of the end."

"Come on, Sheldon, don't be so dramatic. We're still going to be living on the same floor, and doing just about everything together. It only means that schedules will be a little more difficult, a little less coordinated," After an hour of going around in circles, Leonard was frustrated.

"Sure. First you move across the hall. Then no dinners together while Penny is off every evening cavorting with her theater buddies. Then Penny is impregnated and you spend all your time taking care of her. Then she has a baby, and you don't have time for anything else. And before you know it, it's all over." Sheldon was even more morose than usual.

"Buddy, I know you hate change. But we're all getting older; things have to change. Look, just the other day you were talking about Amy moving in here with you. How huge a change is that?"

Sheldon shook his head. "But I wanted it to be the four of us, all on this floor, like one big suite of apartments."

"And it will be, only Penny won't be around quite as much, and I'll probably be spending more time with her. You'll have Amy; and the rest of the gang will still come over."

Sheldon looked even more pained. "No, they won't. It's already been tested; you're the social center of our group. If you and Penny aren't around, Raj and Howard won't come over as much. It will just be me and Amy, and that…." He trailed off.

"That what, buddy?" Leonard thought he knew what was on his friend's mind. He walked over to where Sheldon was sitting, and sat down next to him.

"That scares you a little, doesn't it?" Leonard asked gently.

Sheldon nodded his head and looked even more lost.

"Sheldon, that's natural. This is your first relationship with a woman, and you've been taking giant steps lately. It's all right to be scared. It would be strange if you weren't. I know you're worried about losing your space, your privacy. And it's fine to tell Amy about that. I'm sure she'll understand. Amy will respect that. She knows you as well as I do – maybe better. And she loves you. I'm sure you two will be very happy here."

"How do you know, though? What if I'm not? Then what do I do?"

"You talk it over with Amy. You work it out. And if you're upset or confused and want to talk, Penny and I will be right across the hall. You know you can come to us with anything that's bothering you."

Sheldon shook his head.

Leonard tried again. "Sheldon, Penny and I care about you and want you to be in our lives. We're not going to desert you. But you have to understand how big an opportunity this is for Penny. It would be like you going to work with Stephen Hawking. She's going to be in this play, and it will change our lives. I can't deny that. But it won't change the fact that you're my best friend, and that Penny is like a sister to you."

Sheldon looked at Leonard gratefully. "Thanks, Leonard. You know I don't like change. But you're right, this is really good for Penny and I'm happy for her. I'm just not sure how I'm going to get along with so many things changing, so fast."

Leonard put his hand on Sheldon's shoulder, and for once Sheldon didn't wince or pull away. "We'll be here for you, buddy. We'll try to make it easy."

Across the way, Bernadette was still trying to process how fast Penny's life seemed to be taking a completely new direction.

"So it's really a big deal, this play? And it might go to Broadway?"

"That's a long shot. But even here in Los Angeles, this is a pretty prominent theater. And the director and producer are big shots."

"But it's only three months, you said. Then what?"

"Then we'll see. If I'm lucky it will give me other opportunities. If not, I can always go crawling back to Dan."

Bernadette laughed. "He'd take you back in a heartbeat, you're his top seller. So tell me about the play."

Penny smiled mysteriously at Bernadette. "Never mind about the play. Guess who my opposite number is?"

"Come on, I don't know any theater actors."

"OK, hint. He's not a theater actor. He's only my favorite movie actor of all time."

Bernadette eyes opened wide. "Not Leonardo DiCaprio?"

"Yes Leonardo DiCaprio."

A shrill shriek pierced the air, and went on for quite some time. A few seconds later, Leonard ran into the apartment.

"What happened, is everything all right?" Bernadette was still staring at Penny in a state of shock.

Penny laughed. "Everything's fine. Bernie just got Leo'd."

Leonard chuckled. "Have fun, you two." And he headed back to 4A.

Bernadette had finally come down from the clouds. "Penny, that's amazing. Wait until I tell Howard! That's all right, isn't it?"

"It's actually not confirmed, so just Howard, OK? I'm telling everyone about my part, but not about Leo. Oh, that reminds me, I have to call or text Raj and Stuart. And I have to call my parents."

The two young woman stayed talking for another few minutes, then Bernadette left to give Howard the exciting news.

The script arrived by messenger early Saturday morning. Penny spent the weekend going over it, and devouring everything she could find about Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller. Monday morning she bit the bullet and talked with Dan. To her surprise, he was congratulatory and supportive. He even suggested that she could film some advertisements for the company. Penny pointed out that it might not be such a great idea to have commercials for pharmaceuticals by an actor whose character famously overdosed on prescription drugs, and Dan had to agree. Nonetheless, although she owed the firm two final weeks, Dan told her just to make sure to visit all her major customers, and to brief her replacement. Penny was done with this by the end of the first week, in time for Bernadette to throw her a nice going-away party at work on Friday.

Leonard was trying to spend as much time as possible with Sheldon, to make up for the fact that he and Penny were now definitively living in apartment 4B – and that they were extremely busy. He would continue to pay his share of rent on 4A until Amy moved in, but – as Sheldon never let him forget – it was not the same. It pained both Leonard and Penny to see Sheldon so sad and lonely, but they were engulfed in such a whirlwind of activity that they barely had time to think about it

Saturday morning, the day after Penny's last as a sales rep, they were on the couch running lines. Leonard had gotten quite good at reading with Penny, although he had quickly learned not to try to give advice. Penny was close to having memorized all her lines, which she said was only the first step.

"First you make them second nature so you don't have to think about the words; then you start layering in the motivation, the nuances," she was explaining, when they heard the familiar Sheldonian knock.

Knock-knock-knock, "Penny and Leonard."

Knock-knock-knock, "Penny and Leonard."

Knock-knock-knock, "Penny and Leonard."

"Come in," Penny called.

Sheldon stood with his now-familiar hang-dog look. "It's Saturday. Does anybody want to make me oatmeal?"

"Of course, sweetie," Penny said, as Leonard got up and they walked across the way to have a second breakfast with Sheldon.

The tall physicist was very quiet as they prepared the food.

"Everything all right, buddy?" Leonard asked, although he knew the answer.

"Of course not. I barely see you, except on the drive to and from work. You're always busy with something. No comic book store, no Halo night, no Thursday Thai. I knew it was going to come to an end, but I had no idea it would happen so quickly. You'd might as well move to a nice suburban house in the Valley with 2.6 children already."

The couple looked at each other, helplessly.

"Haven't you been seeing Amy?" Penny asked. "And what happened with her moving in here?"

"She says she's busy. I think she's avoiding me. I'm going to be all alone…." And it seemed as though he was going to start crying.

Penny and Leonard knew they had to do something; after all, Sheldon's misery was in large part their responsibility.

"Hey, buddy, how about we go to the comic book store today after breakfast?" Leonard asked. "And after that, maybe the train store?"

"Really?" Sheldon perked up. "That would be great."

They ate and Leonard promised to be back to pick up Sheldon in a bit. When they were back in their apartment, he said, "You should probably call Amy and see what's going on. Sheldon needs more care and feeding than he's been getting. And you know things are only going to get worse."

Penny nodded. "But can you come back before too long? I need to run lines a bunch more. I have an appointment to see Diane this week and I want to be comfortable with the part before we meet."

"Sure," Leonard agreed. "But let me spend at least part of today with Sheldon. And you talk to Amy."

The boys had a pleasant afternoon at the various stores, while Penny went to visit Amy.

"What's up, Ames? We haven't seen you around. We thought you'd be half moved in by now," Penny kidded her friend.

Amy looked away. "It got a little too real, a little too fast. You know that Sheldon can be a little demanding."

"A little?!"

"Whatever. Anyway, we spent a couple of days together and I really started to wonder if I could take it full time. I mean, I love him, but it's tiring. I'm just not sure…."

"Amy, you need to talk to Sheldon. He's really miserable, and he thinks you don't want to see him. You guys need to work it out. I'm sure he'd be willing to compromise. In fact, at this point I'm willing to bet that he'd make all sorts of compromises if you agreed to move in. I don't think he realized how lonely he'd be. And, between us, it's going to be a lot worse from now on, once rehearsals start, then performances. I'll be lucky to see you guys once or twice a week, and Leonard will be almost as out of contact. It's not my business, but I think you really should think about taking the next step. Isn't it what you always wanted? I mean, other than sex," she said slyly.

Amy nodded slowly. "I guess. I suppose we have to work it out. It's what both of us want, after all. We both know that. We both know the destination; we just have to figure out how to get there."

"On a train, I'd guess," Penny kidded, and Amy smiled for the first time.

Over the following week, Amy gradually started spending more time in apartment 4A. By the end of the week, she confided to Penny that she was gradually moving her things in. She figured that the move would be accomplished within a month. And that she was loving it.

"And, you know, I never realized how big Leonard's bed was. It's more than big enough for two. But I guess you knew that already," she told Penny with a grin.

"You dog! High five!"


	8. Hiatus

8\. Hiatus

Penny – and, by extension, Leonard too – now focused all attention on the play. Rehearsals were scheduled to start in a week, and Penny had lots of questions. She was scheduled to see Diane on Wednesday, at the theater, where crews were beginning to set up and she had directorial responsibilities.

Penny walked into the darkened theater and stopped at the entrance. "This is it," she said to herself. Diane was onstage, sitting in a wheelchair, looking about ten months pregnant. Penny waved and Diane gestured for her to come onstage.

"Are you all right, Diane?"

"You mean the wheelchair? It's just a precaution; there's so much going on, I don't want to take a chance tripping and falling in my state. But you look great, Penny. Now I really do hate you; I can barely move. But let's go to the office where we can talk."

Penny helped the woman up and they walked slowly backstage.

"So, Penny, how does it feel?"

"I'm still pinching myself every few hours, Diane. But I _love_ the play. It's so gripping, and awful, and thrilling all at the same time. But I have a lot of questions."

"Well, let's hear them."

Penny sat back. "I've been reading a lot about Marilyn, and about Arthur Miller. And what people write about the play. And I really wonder about things. I'm just not sure Maggie really is meant to be Marilyn. Miller always denied it, and some of the critics seem to agree."

"Go on," Diane nodded.

"So Maggie is clueless about the music industry. She barely knows what a will is, and what her agent does. But Marilyn was really shrewd; she had her own production company, she challenged the studio, and won, at least some of the time. Miller helped her on the business side, he had connections, but nobody ever thought she was really the ditzy blonde she played in the movies. So if Maggie's not Marilyn, why did Miller write her the way he did? And if she is Marilyn, why did Miller make her out to be something she wasn't? I just can't believe he did it out of spite."

Diane sat back. "Well. I think we all have some of the same questions, and I don't know that we'll ever know the answer. But why does it matter? Why not forget about what Miller wanted Maggie to be, or who he wanted her to represent, and play her like you think she is?"

Penny looked dubious. "I suppose. But I feel like I want to understand how Miller saw the character, too. Sure, I want it to be my own, but I guess I'm just curious."

Diane thought a bit. "Well, the character is yours, and you have to make the serious choices. We'll keep working through it as we get started. We'll be doing read-throughs almost all of next week. That should help give us something to think about." Penny nodded. "Let's see how it goes. Sometimes our ideas evolve as we work through the piece. And remember, this is my first stage play, so we're all learning together."

"OK, Diane. I really appreciate your talking to me. I'm a little nervous…."

"We're all a little nervous. And we'll be a lot nervous before we're through. But we'll get it done."

Penny nodded. They walked back out toward the house. As Penny headed for the door, Diane held her arm and guided her to a corner.

"Are you ready for this?" she asked.

Penny was startled. "I think so. I've been working really hard. Do you think I'm not prepared enough?"

Diane smiled. "That's not what I meant. Are you ready for _this?_ " she repeated, gesturing at the theater.

"I…I don't really understand."

"Let's sit," Diane said, gingerly easing into a first-row seat. "I can only stand for so long."

Penny sat.

"This play is going to be a big deal. I know it's a medium-sized house in a regional market. But it's Leo. We'll sell out the first month as soon as the cast is announced. Maybe the whole run. That's why we're holding off on the announcement. A lot of it will be tourists who want to see DiCaprio in the flesh. But everybody in the industry will want to see it. And that means they'll see you, too. And they'll be beating down your door within a week. Your agent will have dozens of screenplays pitched, and you'll have to make a lot of decisions. You'll start appearing in the trades. People will recognize you. And then you'll be off to the races. Movies, television, all the parties and the paparazzi and that nonsense. Are you ready for that?"

Penny sat in stunned silence. "How do you know, Diane? I mean about me? I'm an unknown, and my character would be secondary to Quentin even it weren't Leonardo DiCaprio."

Diane smiled. "George and I asked you to read for us on a whim. What we saw in that horrible monkey movie was intriguing, nothing more. But when you read for us, we were blown away. You have real talent. Trust me, I've been in this business for 25 years. I still have questions in my mind, like are you just perfect for this role, or can you be more versatile? Time will tell. But industry people will see you here, and the phone won't stop ringing."

Penny was nodding, trying to recover. "I appreciate your confidence, even if I'm not sure I share it. But let's say it's true. What should I be doing?"

"Penny, I like you a lot. I feel sort of motherly toward you, even if I'm only older than you by ten years," Diane said kindly.

More like fifteen, Penny said to herself. But she nodded.

"So I hope you don't mind if I give you some advice. Take things a step at a time. The first thing is to make sure you can work through the run without too many distractions. You need to protect yourself, and your husband. Make sure your phone, address, email, and the like aren't too publically accessible. Don't take on any obligations that aren't important. Do you have a publicist?"

"Are you kidding? Why would I? Two weeks ago I was selling drugs to doctors," Penny said, by now feeling a small panic rising.

"I understand. Here's one that I think would be good for you," Diane said, writing down a name on a scrap of paper and handing it to Penny. "Tell him I suggested that you talk to him. Make sure you like him, and that he understands your priorities. And what are your priorities?"

"Um, I guess, to do a good job in this role. And to keep my sanity. And to make sure nothing interferes with my marriage, and our plans."

"Those are the right priorities," Diane nodded. "But you need to put some more detailed thinking into them. Talk to your agent about what you want to say as the offers come in. There's no harm in asking people to wait. But you don't want to give up something that could be important."

Penny nodded.

"You mentioned your marriage. That's _really_ important. Leonard seems like a great guy, but you two have no experience with this. First sit down and tell him what the schedule looks like for the next five months – and figure out how you two will arrange to keep some semblance of a relationship going while you work crazy hours. And you're still planning on trying to get pregnant, right?"

Penny nodded again.

"As I've told you, that's doable - I did it - but it will not be easy. It won't be easy to find time to, you know, conceive; and if you are successful, it may not be easy to power through all of the ups and downs of a pregnancy. You know that morning sickness comes early in the pregnancy, right?"

"I do," Penny confirmed. "One of my best friends is a few months pregnant, and she's gone through it."

"OK, good. You can get some pointers from her. Or from me, of course. You'll probably need them. Leaving pregnancy aside, in the case of this production you might prepare yourself and your husband for some nastiness. You're playing a sex symbol opposite the hottest leading man in the world. There are bound to be ridiculous stories in the gossip columns. You, and Leonard, need to be ready for that." Diane could see that this was already a bit more than Penny could take in. She slowed down.

"George and I will be here for you whenever you need to talk. We like you and we want you to succeed. And to be happy. If things come up that you don't know how to handle, just let me or George know. Promise?"

Penny nodded again. She shook herself a little, thanked Diane, and walked out of the theater in something of a daze. All she could think was that she had to talk to Leonard. She drove home and waited anxiously for him to arrive.

When her husband walked in the door, Penny nearly jumped out of the couch. "Leonard! Thank God you're home."

"Why? What's wrong?" Leonard asked with concern.

"Nothing, nothing. Just, I had a long conversation with Diane today, and we need to talk about what this play is going to mean to us."

"All right…." Leonard said tentatively. "What do you mean?"

"Diane says that things are going to move very fast. Like that as soon as people know Leonardo DiCaprio is in the play, the press will be all over it. Maybe even all over me. And that the schedule can be crazy."

"I was thinking about that today myself," Leonard said. "I'm not sure I know exactly what to expect about your schedule."

"Right, that's a good place to start. So, we start rehearsals next Monday. Normally they're during the day, usually about ten to five – the union contract limits them to eight hours a day. But in this case we're going to have a few afternoon and evening rehearsals during the first couple of weeks, because DiCaprio has some pick-ups and re-shoots from his last film."

"What does that mean?"

"Oh, it means that although they finished shooting there are some scenes they need to do over, and some small parts that need to be done to add to the film during editing. It's always in the contract that the actor has to be available for them. So DiCaprio has to do that during the day, and we'll need to rehearse afterwards. But it will only be a few times, at the start. We'll have rehearsals for four weeks, then two weeks of previews, then a three-month run."

Penny looked at Leonard seriously. "The performance schedule gets intense once previews begin. We have shows five nights a week, plus matinees on Wednesdays and Saturdays. We're off Sundays and Mondays."

"I guess I knew that," Leonard said, "but it still seems like a lot of time."

"And it'll be from noon or 1 until 10 or 11 every day, earlier when there are matinees."

Leonard exhaled sharply. "What happened to the union contract, and eight hours?"

Penny shook her head. "For performances it goes up from eight hours to twelve. But there's overtime."

Leonard was still trying to process it. "That would mean I'd never see you, except Sundays. I'd be off to work before you wake up, and by the time you're back I'd be in bed, or almost. Wow."

Penny nodded. It hadn't really hit her until just now how difficult this might be. And just at a time when they were supposed to be trying to get pregnant.

Leonard was obviously thinking along similar lines. "Sorta hard to have a baby if we're never in the same place." But his mind was working hard. Penny waited; she knew the signs that her husband was coming up with a plan.

"That's not going to work. Here's what we'll do, once performances start. I can stay here with you in the mornings, then go in at lunchtime and work until the evening. I'll work Saturdays, and take Mondays off. That will at least give us most mornings together, and Sundays and Mondays."

"Can you really do that? What about your work?" Penny asked haltingly.

"It's research, Penny. The lasers aren't going anywhere. I can do it when I want. The grad students and post-docs can cover anything that comes up when I'm gone, but it's not going to be an issue. I can make my own hours, so long as I get the work done. I only kept that rigid schedule because Sheldon insisted on it, and now with Amy driving him to work, there's no need."

Penny sighed deeply. "Oh, sweetie, that would be amazing. It's such a relief. And it means we could keep up the baby-making. Morning delight, anyone?"

Leonard laughed. "Always one of my favorites."

Penny looked serious again. "But Diane also said that there are things that could get nasty."

"Like what?"

"Like gossip columns, like rumors, like all sorts of dirt. And lots of pressure from people who might want me to consider other acting jobs."

"Hey, I can take the gossip," Leonard said. "I don't read those things anyway. And what's so bad about job offers? I thought that was sort of the idea."

"Yes," Penny agreed, "but we want it to be on our terms. In ways that will enhance my career, and also not interfere with our lives. Diane said she'd give me advice if I need it. And she said I should talk with my agent, and get a publicist. It might be a good idea if you were involved in at least some of those conversations, too. After all, it's our future, not just mine."

Leonard beamed. "I'd love to, so long as you don't expect me to understand too much."

"Oh, you understand plenty. You took that contract apart like a pro."

"Sure," Leonard agreed, "but that was some real money. You're making a lot for this play, and I wanted to make sure you didn't get cheated."

Penny sat back, exhausted. "I feel a lot more relaxed now. I've been stressed out all afternoon, worried that we'd never see each other, that things would change more than we could handle. Not to sound like Sheldon, but everything has moved so fast…."

Leonard nodded. "And I hate to say it, but the way things look now, he might not have been so far wrong when he said that this was the beginning of the end."

Penny sighed. "I guess. But I'd like to think we can keep our friendships alive. Different, sure, but alive."


	9. Takeoff

9\. Takeoff

Rehearsals started that Monday. Diane had a light touch, waiting to see what emerged from the players' interactions. The first week was mostly read-throughs, with some stopping and starting to do and re-do scenes. Diane took copious notes as they went through the piece very slowly, stopping to ask questions frequently. Diane never lost her temper, and rarely stated her own opinion, mostly asking the actors to explain themselves. Penny was terrifically impressed with how patient she was – especially for a woman on the verge of giving birth.

Penny was initially terrified of being unprepared, but it turned out she was as on top of the script as anyone in the company. DiCaprio, on the other hand, was far behind and was constantly reading directly from the script, often – it appeared – for the first time. He apologized profusely, blaming it on having to juggle rehearsals with the film. He had particular difficulty when he had to work on the film during the day, and the rehearsals were in the evening, which was several days the first week.

Nonetheless, Penny could sense the intensity with which DiCaprio was trying to find a way to present Quentin. You could almost see the wheels turning in his mind, even as he went through his scenes.

Wednesday evening was an especially tough read-through, and it ended late. Penny was drained, and exhausted. Which made it that much more irritating when Leonard woke her up with noise and bright lights early the next morning.

"Can you turn the light off? Jesus!" Penny said in irritation as Leonard rustled around the closet. "What time is it, anyway?"

"6.45. And I need the light because I have to see my clothes to get dressed. I'm still on the day schedule, you know. I thought we weren't going to switch until performances started."

"Well, at least close the door so the light isn't in my eyes. I didn't get in until 1 last night and I have to be in at 11 today. I want to get at least another couple hours' sleep!"

"OK, OK," Leonard said, exasperated. "Why did you get in so late anyway? You can't have been working that late."

"I told you yesterday. We had an evening rehearsal because Leo was shooting during the day. Then some of us went to dinner. And it's an hour drive, you know. I practically fell asleep on the freeway. I have to get some sleep. Just keep it down, all right?"

Leonard rolled his eyes and headed out to the kitchen for a quick breakfast. He went back to the bathroom to brush his teeth, but tripped on his way across the bedroom, falling heavily onto the bed.

"What the hell, Leonard!? Are you _trying_ to wake me up?"

That was enough for Leonard. "Well, maybe if you didn't leave your clothes all over the floor I wouldn't trip on them!"

"It was 1 AM and I was _trying_ not to wake you up. Which is more than I can say about you. Don't you understand, I'm under a lot of pressure and you're not helping things by not letting me sleep. And by everything else. It's like you don't care!"

Leonard stopped short. "What?! Where did that come from? I've been doing everything around here, _and_ trying to watch out for Sheldon. What do you mean, I don't care?"

Penny sat up in bed. "All right, I can see I'm never going to get any more sleep. You want to know what I mean? Look at this." And she stomped out of the bed into the bathroom, flinging open the medicine cabinet.

"Look what you did to all my things," she said bitterly.

"What are you talking about? I just moved them a little to make room for mine. There are two of us here now, you know."

"These were organized very carefully. Regular on the left, work in the middle, fancy on the right. And they were all in the order I use them in. You moved them all around so that I can't find the mascara or the blush, can't find the nail polish remover, can't find anything. It took me an extra half hour to get ready yesterday. And look at this," she said, stomping even more angrily over to the closet.

"My clothes are all out of order!"

Leonard rolled his eyes. "What do you mean, out of order? I just put them on the other side to make some space. I have things to hang too, you know."

"They're _in order_ , Leonard. This blouse goes with this skirt, and you put them on opposite sides of the closet. You have all the colors mixed up. I hardly know where anything is anymore! Just because you have no fashion sense doesn't mean I have to dress like a slob. Show some respect!"

"You want to talk about respect? Where are my notebooks? I put them on the bookshelf, and I still can't find them."

"Because that bookshelf is for _my_ materials, for the play. Find your own damn spot."

"You want to be that way, fine," Leonard sputtered, walking away. "I'll just go over to my –" and he stopped short. "Damn it. Well, have a nice day," he spat out, slamming the apartment door behind him.

Penny sat on the bed, stunned. What had just happened? They had been living together in apartment 4B for less than three weeks. And in that time they'd had a string of fights over trivial things, like closet space. They'd gotten more and more heated, but this was the worst. How could she have accused him of not caring about her when he was so supportive? Even worse, how could they be fighting like this when they should be gloriously happy, what with the play, and the plans for a baby?

A baby? How could they even think of having a baby when they couldn't stand to be with each other? Penny collapsed, sobbing, on the bed.

Leonard stewed in his lab all day. He felt terrible about how he'd talked to Penny, and got almost no work done. At 4 in the afternoon he got a text from Penny.

 _Can you come home soon? I left the theater early, I'm home, and we need to talk._

 _Sure. I agree. And I love you._

 _I love you too. See you soon._

An hour later, Leonard walked into apartment 4B with a huge bouquet of flowers. Penny was on the couch and jumped up as he entered.

"Oh, Leonard, they're beautiful." She took them and gave her husband a big kiss, then walked over to the kitchen to put them in a vase.

Leonard stood watching, uneasily. Penny looked at him, just as uneasily. She finished with the flowers and took him by the hand.

"Look what I did," she said, leading Leonard into the bedroom. She opened the closet, to reveal a set of Container Store specials that expanded the shelving and the vertical space substantially. She turned to the bathroom and showed Leonard a new hutch that hung over the toilet, just about doubling the cabinet space.

"This should help, I think. And I'm sorry I yelled at you, honey."

Leonard hugged Penny tightly. "I'm the one who should apologize. You're under so much pressure, and I'm complaining about closet space. I can't believe I did that."

Penny shook her head. "You weren't wrong. Neither of us was wrong. Let's go out to the living room and talk."

They sat on the couch. Penny sighed and began. "After you left this morning, I cried for an hour."

Leonard was horrified. "Oh my God, Penny. I am _so_ sorry! I was such an idiot."

"No, Leonard," Penny continued. "You weren't an idiot, and I wasn't crying about you. I was crying about myself. I was frustrated that I had lost my temper over such a stupid thing. All I could think about was how I was going to be a terrible mother if I couldn't control my temper over such a little problem. I never want to yell at our child the way I yelled at you this morning."

"And I'm sure you won't," Leonard assured her. "It's different with us. We've been together so long, sometimes we get on each other's nerves. And now, really living together for the first time, disagreements were bound to come up."

"Sure. But we're not handling them well. And our life is going to get more tense as I get busier. I'm already so nervous about the play, and then this; I'm worried about us."

Leonard looked distraught. "So what are you saying? That I should move back across the way? Because I think that ship has sailed – Amy's practically all moved in."

"No, never! But I do want to figure out why we're fighting so much, and how to make it better."

"Me too," Leonard said, relieved. "Any ideas?"

"I hope you won't be mad at me, but I called Bernadette and asked if we could go over and talk to her and Howard after dinner tonight. They have more experience as a married couple than we do, and I thought they might give us some insights."

"That's fine with me. Although the idea of asking Howard for advice with women is a little bizarre."

Penny laughed. "Too true. But he's changed. And they really seem to have worked things out."

Later that evening, the two couples sat in the Wolowitz living room.

"Penny said you two had some questions?" Bernadette started.

Penny looked at Leonard. "We've been arguing a lot lately. And the arguments seem to be getting worse, even about really stupid things. I think we're both under a lot of pressure and I guess maybe we're taking it out on each other. But we want to handle it better, and we thought you might have some ideas."

Howard looked smug. "Coming to us for relationship advice, huh?"

Bernadette shot him a dirty look. "Howard!"

"Sorry, sorry."

Penny laughed. "So the secret is that Bernie keeps Howard in line. Is that your advice to us?"

"I'm leaving," Leonard said, making as if to go, and all laughed.

Bernadette settled in. "It's not an easy thing. We went through a phase like that: bickering over little things. Sometimes it seemed like the smaller the issue, the bigger the fight."

Howard nodded. "At some point we just said to each other that we wanted to make things work better – like you guys are now. And when we sat down and talked about it, I guess the answer was pretty simple: communicate."

Bernadette nodded. "I always thought that complaining about something trivial that Howie did would be petty. So if he left dirty dishes in the sink, or left the toilet seat up, I'd just grin and bear it. But I was just getting more and more irritated, and eventually I'd explode."

"I think that's exactly what's happening with us," Leonard said. "We don't say anything about the little things until there's a trigger, like a nasty comment, and then it comes up and escalates into a huge fight."

Penny nodded. "So what do you do?"

Howard smiled. "Like I said, it's not complicated: just talk more. If you are annoyed, tell the other person. Calmly, before things get out of control."

Bernadette concurred. "You know that old saying, about never going to sleep angry. That always seemed stupid: why stay up late arguing? But what would happen, at least to me, was that if I was angry at Howie and tried to ignore it, I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway, and the next day I'd be even angrier, and things would get worse and worse."

"So we started checking in with each other every evening," Howard said. "Made it a habit. And if Bernadette said that it bothered her that I didn't do the laundry – "

"Which was about every day," Bernadette noted.

"– I know, I know. Anyway, if she told me that, I'd acknowledge it and tell her I'd try better."

"That worked?" Penny asked, a little incredulous.

Bernadette smiled. "Actually, it did. Even though Howie didn't really change much at first, I think it had an impact. Two impacts. One was that eventually he did get the point. I guess he got tired of hearing about it every evening."

"True dat!" Howard said, emphatically.

"And the other," Bernadette continued, patiently, "was that just telling him that it bothered me somehow made me less irritated. Especially when he seemed to be listening."

"The books all say it a million different ways: talk to each other," Howard concluded.

"What books?" Leonard asked.

Howard looked at Bernadette. "You know, the relationship books."

"You read those?" Penny asked, surprised.

Howard got up and walked over to the cabinet and opened it with a flourish. "Here's our collection." There were a dozen or more books on a shelf, with titles like _Marriage for Dummies_ and _How to Save your Marriage_.

Leonard and Penny looked at each other. "I don't think I ever thought of reading a book about marriage," Leonard said.

Bernadette smiled again. "You two have known each other for so long that it probably didn't seem like it was necessary. But everyone needs help. All the books have another message, besides the one about talking to each other. Marriage takes work. Even yours."

"What do you mean, even ours?" Penny asked, a little testily.

Howard looked at Bernadette, then at the other couple. "I think Bernie means that you two seem to go together so well, that people might think that you wouldn't have any problems. You might even think that."

Bernadette nodded. "But every couple is going to run into rough patches. Even a couple that's gone through as much together as you have. It's only natural. You spend enough time with another person, you're bound to find things that irritate you."

Leonard had gotten up and was standing next to Howard, looking at the books. "Can we borrow one of these?"

"Sure," Howard said. "Try this one, it's a quick read and it's pretty good," he said, pulling _Marriage for Dummies_ off the shelf.

Penny glanced at the title. "OK, that one's for Leonard. What about me?" And they all laughed.

On the way home, Leonard raised something with Penny that had been bothering him. "Do you think you could see if they'd pay for a taxi or an Uber home on the days you have to stay late?"

"Why?"

"You said you almost fell asleep driving home last night. That's dangerous. And if they make you stay late they should pay for transportation. Especially after previews start. You'll be leaving the theater after 10, even 11, every night. I hate the idea of your having to drive all that way, especially if you're tired."

"I don't know, Leonard. I can't really ask for special treatment. But I'll see if we can work something out – maybe we can split the cost with them."

At home later, as Penny and Leonard got into bed, Penny turned to her husband. "Are you angry at me?"

Leonard thought for a minute. "Sorry, no. You?"

"I'm trying, but no," she said, with mock disappointment.

"Damn. I really wanted to work things out."

"Well, come up with something, then," Penny said.

"All right. I get angry when you leave your clothes all over the floor of the bedroom."

"Aw, honey," Penny said apologetically, with a wicked smile. "It's just that when I think about getting into bed with you I just can't get my clothes off fast enough, and I don't want to stop to hang them up. From now on, I guess I'll just have to spend a lot more time putting things away. I might not even make it into bed before you fall asleep."

"Don't you dare!" Leonard protested, as they both laughed, hugging each other.

Penny look at her husband, more seriously now. "Does it really bother you that I leave my clothes around? Be honest now."

Leonard looked embarrassed. "Little bit. But it's not a big deal."

"I think maybe it is. It's the first thing you said this morning when that fight started. It must be on your mind. I'm going to try to be more careful about that."

"And I'm going to be careful about moving your things around. Plus maybe I'll just have to take your clothes off for you, so you won't be tempted to throw them on the ground."

"Great idea! You can start now…."


	10. Leo on the deck

10\. Leo on the deck

The next morning, Penny sought out the stage manager. She was hesitant to ask, but Leonard did have a point.

"Seth, can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure, Penny. What's up?"

"I live in Pasadena, and I'm worried about the drive, especially after performances start. I can't see driving 45 minutes to an hour after every performance, late at night. I don't think I have enough stamina. And I can't afford a taxi every night."

Seth looked at her curiously. "You're driving here?" Penny nodded.

He shook his head. "Penny, transportation's in your contract. You can use it when there's a late rehearsal, or a late show. We have an arrangement with a car service. They'll send a car to your house and bring you here, and pick you up here to take you home. I can't believe nobody told you that. They've got an app you can use; it's sort of like a private Uber."

Penny was deeply embarrassed about her ignorance, but happy to know there was an easy answer. From the next day on, whenever they were expected to go late, she was driven to and from the theater in an impressively comfortable Lincoln Town Car. She was starting to feel a little like an actor. And Leonard was overjoyed.

Rehearsals were now going much more smoothly. Diane and the actors were starting to work on the logistics of what was a complicated play. The action took place entirely in Quentin's mind, and the different characters rotated on and off stage in a sometimes dizzying fashion. They were still figuring it all out by the end of the week.

But the following Monday, the cast and crew arrived to find George on stage, looking somewhat haggard. He had them all gather around.

"Diane had the baby last night; this morning, really. A girl, Miriam, very healthy."

Everyone applauded, and George thanked them.

"We knew this was coming, of course, and the plan is for me to stand in for Diane for a few days. She'll be back early next week. I've encouraged her to take more time, but you know her: she's stubborn, and she's done this before. The baby, I mean, not the play. Meanwhile, you're stuck with me. I don't intend to do much more than coordinate, because I know Diane has her own ideas. But we don't want to delay things, so I would ask you to carry on. Diane gave me some instructions, and I plan to follow them: I know the consequences if I don't. The crew's on dry tech for the rest of the week. So cast, you're in the rehearsal rooms downstairs. I have a breakdown of scenes Diane wants worked on; I'll be down in a bit to get you started."

As the cast milled around in the rehearsal areas, Penny sat in a corner looking over her lines and trying to think through her approach. She looked up to see DiCaprio standing a few feet away. "Sorry, Penny, I didn't mean to disturb you."

"No problem, Leo." Penny still couldn't quite believe she was calling her idol by his first name, but of course anything else would have been ridiculous. "What's up?"

"I was wondering if we could talk a little about the whole Quentin-Maggie relationship. It's so central, but so…enigmatic, I suppose I would say. How do you see it?"

Penny thought. "I don't think of it in terms of a relationship. It's not one at first, after all. So I think of the individuals. And then, I guess, of what draws them together. And what drives them apart. Maggie's starved for love, of course."

"What about Quentin? How do you see him?"

Penny hesitated. She had some ideas, but this was not her part. Maybe not her place. Especially to suggest some pretty unsavory things about the character. "Um, not sure that's something Maggie has figured out. Or ever does figure out."

"Clever," DiCaprio said, with a little laugh. "All right, let me try and tell you what I'm working on. I believe Quentin has something like a savior complex, if that's a thing. He wants to save her; he thinks he can save her. After all, in his mind he's superior to her, in every way, except musically. So it's his job to make her a better person."

Penny nodded. This was, in fact, very close to her view. Not very flattering to Miller, certainly, but it seemed true to the dynamics between Quentin and Maggie – and between Quentin and his other two wives, who duck in and out of the action as the play jumps back and forth in time. "That makes sense," she said simply.

"You're not going to take the bait, are you?" DiCaprio scoffed, laughing a little, again.

Penny smiled. "It's your part, Leo. You can't expect me to do my job and yours, too."

DiCaprio laughed. "Well, for the record, I really like the way you have Maggie. It's both Marilyn and not Marilyn. My main reservation about doing _After the Fall_ was that it would be seen as a bio-pic. But it's not, at least I don't think so. And the way you have her fits with the way I'm thinking about Quentin. Rather than a damaged woman and a reasonable man, it's two damaged people who just can't figure out how to help each other."

Penny nodded, trying to hide her excitement. DiCaprio had fully understood what she was trying to capture with her portrayal of Maggie.

DiCaprio continued, "Anyway, I really like what you're doing. So keep it up. And if you have any ideas about Quentin, I want to hear them. It's a pleasure to be working with such a thoughtful partner."

Penny came home that evening even more exhilarated and excited than usual: she was having real conversations with the world's leading actor. She gushed to Leonard about the progress they were making and the thrill of acting in a major production. And Leonard was, as always, supportive and encouraging.

Penny wondered sometimes about what Diane had told her. Sure, there had been that tension and the fights, but Howard and Bernadette's suggestions, and just being conscious of the problem, seemed to have helped them through that particular bump in the road. Overall, the couple was probably happier than they'd ever been. And with the rehearsals mostly during the day, that left time for them to hang out with their friends, and even time to work on their joint pregnancy project. Diligently.

The Friday afternoon after Diane and George's baby was born, George called the cast together. "I just spoke to Diane, who for some reason misses you all. She wants to invite you all over to the house to meet the baby, and so she can tell you all what you're doing wrong. Seriously, come on over after dinner, say around 7.30. Just for drinks, and just for a short while; we have _three_ kids in the house, now. Seth will give you directions to the house."

Penny had come to rely on Seth as her go-to person for embarrassing and ignorant questions. And now she had another one. "Seth, do you think George and Diane would mind if I invited my husband? He hasn't met anyone in the cast yet."

"Not sure, Penny. I'll ask." Ten minutes later, he sought Penny out. "George says he'll be deeply offended if Leonard doesn't show up. I take it that's your husband? Or maybe George knows something I don't know…."

Penny laughed, "That's my husband. Thanks, Seth." And she got on the phone immediately, catching Leonard just as he was leaving work.

"Leonard, there's a little get-together for drinks and to meet George and Diane's baby tonight at their house. Can you make it? Great, I'll text you the directions, it's up in one of the canyons and they say it's a little tricky."

Leonard stopped at the apartment, changed, and drove into the Hollywood Hills in the darkness. He parked, walked up to a striking modern home, and rang the doorbell. George Stein answered. "Leonard, right?" Leonard nodded.

"Thanks for having me. This is a beautiful location." He walked in and looked around. "Wow! The inside is even more beautiful."

George smiled. "Let's get you a drink and show you around." He led Leonard into a large living room area. It seemed most of the cast had not yet arrived, but there was a cluster of women around Diane, oohing and aahing over the baby.

"There's the makings for mixed drinks here, and beer in the ice chest," George said, bringing Leonard to a wet-bar area in the corner. The doorbell rang, and George looked over.

"I have to get the door, Leonard. Make yourself at home."

Leonard got a beer and looked around. Across the room was an enormous bank of glass sliding doors, partially open, with the lights of the city visible through them. He walked out the doors into the yard. There was a fenced and locked swimming pool to the right, and a large play structure to the left; Leonard remembered that the couple had two small children – now three. He saw another guest standing by the exterior fence overlooking the canyon, and walked over.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Leonard said.

"It is. You can see the whole basin from here. I think you can even see the Mt. Wilson Observatory off in the distance, on the left. When I was a kid growing up I used to look up there and wonder what you could see from it."

"It's pretty amazing. I have a friend who works up there all the time," Leonard said.

"Really? It must be awesome."

"It is, definitely," Leonard said, realizing he hadn't introduced himself. "Leonard Hofstadter."

"Oh, you must be Penny's husband." Leonard nodded. "Well, you're a very lucky man. She's amazing. Beautiful, and talented. And really nice, too."

"Agreed, on all fronts."

"And I remember she said you were a physicist. I didn't know you were an astronomer like your friend, though."

"Actually, he's an astrophysicist; that's the term we'd prefer," Leonard said. "Sorry, I'm being pedantic, as Penny would say. Anyway, I'm not one. I'm an experimental physicist."

"Nothing to be sorry about, glad to know the right word. So what do you do?"

"I work with lasers, mostly."

"Oh. Weapons?" he said a little warily.

"No, not now. I did some military-related work at one point, but it didn't go anywhere. Now I mostly work on imaging."

"What does that mean?"

"Lasers have a lot of applications to the graphical representation of objects. Like holographs. So a bunch of us are trying to push the boundaries of that, focusing on dynamic uses – such as representing the movement of an object through a bounded space. But I guess this must be pretty dull."

"Not at all," he said. "Tell me more about it…."

Penny entered the room, greeting George and looking around to see if her husband had arrived. She spotted him outside, caught her breath, and walked quickly over to where he was engaged in an animated conversation.

"I see you two have met already," Penny said.

"Hi, honey," Leonard said, giving Penny a peck on the cheek. "But I think I was just being boring."

"No!" the other man protested, and Penny began to comment. But just then George called from the living room.

"Penny, Leonard, come see the baby!"

Penny led her husband away quickly, as he waved so long to his new friend. She looked at him with a bemused smile. "You have no idea who that is, do you?"

"Well, no, not really."

Penny laughed. "Sweetie, that's Leonardo DiCaprio."

"Really? He seemed so nice. And not at all stuck-up or famous."

"He is really nice. And not at all stuck-up, as you put it."

"He really likes you, too," Leonard said proudly.

"Really?!" Penny's eyes opened wide. "What did he say, what did he say about me?"

"Just that you were amazing, and talented, and beautiful, and very nice."

"Oh my God, I can die now," Penny gasped.

Leonard looked at her sideways. "Should I be worried?"

"What? No, why? Of course not," Penny said, but it didn't sound very convincing. "Anyway, he's not available. He's seeing someone."

Leonard continued staring at Penny. "Well, if he were available, would I have something to worry about?"

"Come on, Leonard, it's _Leonardo DiCaprio,"_ Penny pleaded.

"So?"

"Didn't you read the DiCaprio exception to the Relationship Agreement?" Penny asked, doing her best Sheldon Cooper imitation.

"Hey, you know I never read the fine print."

Penny laughed. "Just you, baby. Just you. You have nothing to worry about. Although….."

Leonard hit her lightly on the arm as they approached Diane and the baby. Diane smiled warmly at Penny. "Penny, meet Miriam Stein. Finally, a girl! Now I guess we can stop."

"She's beautiful, Diane," Penny gushed, as Leonard nodded along. Diane lifted the infant up to Penny.

"Do you want to hold her?" And she whispered, "You can be in training."

Penny smiled broadly and took the baby in her arms, rocking her gently back and forth. Miriam shifted slightly but didn't wake up. Leonard looked on, beaming. Diane looked at Penny, then at Leonard, with a tenderness that only Leonard noticed.

Diane said to Penny, "Why don't you give your husband a chance?" And, again in a whisper, "He'll need the practice, too."

Penny handed the baby to Leonard, who held her with a very soft touch, humming softly to the infant. Penny looked at Leonard, a little startled. She'd never seen him hold a baby, and she didn't expect how natural he would be – and with somebody else's baby. She looked over at Diane, who was also watching Leonard. Diane and Penny locked eyes, and Diane shook her head admiringly, gesturing for Penny to get closer so she could say something to her in confidence.

"Never let this guy go, Penny."

"Trust me," Penny said, "I never will."

Leonard handed the baby back, remarking on how calm she was, and the couple started to walk away, with Leonard still glowing and Penny watching him with a little smile. But Diane called Penny back, asking how the rehearsals were going. Leonard went to get himself another beer.

Leonard found himself by the cooler, standing next to Leonardo DiCaprio, and feeling the need to explain himself. "I'm really sorry, Mr. DiCaprio," he said, embarrassed. "I didn't recognize you. I'm afraid I'm really bad at these things."

"Oh, so it's Mr. DiCaprio now? Leo, please. And no problem – it was sort of great not to be recognized. Anyway, you never got to finish telling me about your work."

"Well, if you really want…OK, here's something that's sort of interesting, at least to me. We have been developing a holographic display that we can manipulate with laser-based finger tracking. It uses lasers to make a three-dimensional map of an object, and then create a holographic image of the object. So you can pick up a cup, for example, and turn it around, and the image will turn around as you move the cup."

"That sounds amazing," said Leo.

"It is pretty neat. There are people who think it's the future of entertainment. That eventually you'll sit in your living room and there will be a completely accurate three-dimensional projection of whatever action is being transmitted."

"That's incredible. How far in the future is it?"

"Oh, at least 20 years. At this point it's embryonic, and incredibly expensive. But that's usually how these things start."

Penny wandered over to the two again.

Leo turned to her. "I had no idea your husband did such interesting work, Penny."

Penny glowed, linking arms with Leonard. "Oh, it's amazing. You should see his lab at Caltech. There are things there you wouldn't believe. Incredible. And beautiful, too. And did you know he spent three months at the North Pole? And four months on a ship in the North Sea, working with Stephen Hawking? He's so brilliant. And sexy, too," she said, nuzzling up to Leonard's neck.

George walked by, shouting "Get a room, you two!" and the three laughed.

An hour later the new parents shooed their guests home, saying they'd see everyone Monday. Leonard and Penny walked out together. As they headed out, Leonard asked, "Where's your car?"

"Oh, I left it at the theater and took an Uber. I wanted to be able to drink," she said, entwining herself around her husband and kissing his neck. "Between the alcohol and seeing Miriam, I can't wait to work on making one of our own…."

"Well, let's get home first," Leonard said, as they got into his car, and started the drive back to Pasadena. Leonard was quieter than usual.

"Everything all right?" Penny asked.

"Oh, I had a really good time. But I was sort of surprised about what you said to Leonardo DiCaprio."

"What did I say?"

"You know, about my work and about me."

"Did I say something wrong?" Penny furrowed her brow, trying to remember exactly what she had said.

"No, no, but it was like you were really proud of me. I guess I just never heard you talk about me that way," Leonard explained.

There was a sharp intake of breath from Penny. "Leonard, pull over."

Leonard pulled the car over to the side of the canyon road. "Why, what did I do now?"

"Leonard, do you seriously not think I'm proud of you?"

Leonard stammered. "Uh, well, I guess I never really…um…I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it, Penny," he said apologetically.

Penny buried her head in her hands. "Oh my God. What is wrong with me?"

Leonard gazed at Penny with concern. "Penny?"

The young woman straightened up. "Leonard, look at me." He turned sideways and she took both his hands in both of hers. "I am so proud of you. Of everything about you. I'm proud of the work you do, of how smart you are. I'm proud of what a wonderful friend you are, of how kind and generous you are. And I'm proud of you as the best husband ever. I talk about you all the time to my friends, to my parents, to people at the theater. I can't believe you don't know that. And that's on me. That's my fault. You should be the first person I tell."

"It's all right, Penny, I don't mind. I know you love me," Leonard reassured her.

"But that's not it, that's not enough, Leonard. I _know_ how proud you are of me. But I don't give you the same support. No wonder you feel insecure sometimes. I always blamed you, your childhood. Maybe it's my fault."

"No it's not," Leonard protested. "Some things don't have to be said. I know how you feel about me. And you're with me, anyway. That's enough."

Penny held his hands even tighter. "It's not enough. This is what Bernadette was talking about. We don't communicate right. It took me six years for me to tell you I loved you. Four years later and you still don't know how I feel about you. Not really."

"Let's go home," she concluded with a sigh. "I need to think about this."

Leonard started driving again, a worried look on his face. Penny sat looking out the window and thinking. They got home and walked up to the apartment, still silent. Inside, Penny gestured for Leonard to sit on the couch and brought them each a water bottle.

"Sweetie, we've gotten into some bad habits. We've known each other so long, and we know each other so well, that we take too much for granted."

"I do not take you for granted," Leonard protested. "And I don't think you take me for granted, either."

"But we don't talk enough about how we're feeling. About each other, about things. I think that's why we're having those fights. We have to do something about it."

"What do you suggest?" Leonard asked quietly. "If you think it would help us be better partners, and better parents, I want to do it."

"Why don't we see Dr. Gallo together and see what she says?" Penny suggested.

Leonard nodded. "Howard says he and Bernadette see a couples therapist every once in a while, just to make sure things stay good. I think we could do the same thing."

"Done and done," Penny concluded. "I'll leave a message and see if she can see us tomorrow."

Leonard smiled at her. "I guess you're right. But I have to tell you that when you were talking about me back there, it felt really good."

"Sweetie, let me say it again," and she once again took both of Leonard's hands in her. "I couldn't be more proud of you. Of everything you are and everything you do. I'm sorry you didn't know that."

"I know, honey. You told me in the car."

"Yes," said Penny with a sly smile, "but now I can _show_ you, too." And she led him toward the bedroom.


	11. Tech week

11\. Tech week

"Thanks for seeing us on such short notice, doctor," Leonard began. "Penny's in rehearsals for a play, and our schedule is really difficult, so getting to see you Saturday afternoon like this is great."

"Glad to be able to fit you in," Dr. Gallo nodded. "What can I help you with?"

Penny described the series of blow-ups they'd had over the past weeks.

Dr. Gallo smiled. "Would it surprise you to know that these kinds of small disagreements are one of the most common sources of marital tension?"

"I guess it would," Leonard said. "I would have thought it would have been big issues. So why is that?"

"When couples consider a major decision – whether to move, or buy a car – they tend to take for granted that they'll have to talk about it, and maybe compromise. But things are different with small issues. People have a tendency to read meaning into them, because they don't talk about them. Let's take an example. Penny, you say the latest one was about Leonard moving around your things in the closet. What did that mean to you?"

Penny thought. "I think it meant that he didn't really care about how I had my clothes arranged; that it didn't matter to him that I might have a system that made my life easier. Like that my concerns weren't important to him."

"OK, Leonard, tell us what it meant to you."

"Um, it meant that I needed a place to hang my pants," Leonard said, a little sheepishly.

Dr. Gallo nodded and looked over to Penny. "Did you know that was the reason Leonard rearranged your clothes?"

"I guess," Penny admitted.

"I guess so, too," Dr. Gallo said, "because afterwards, your solution was to figure out how to give him more space to hang his pants. Right?"

"I guess," Penny admitted, again.

"So you didn't _really_ think it meant that he didn't care about you, did you?"

"Well…at the time, really I did. It was only afterwards that I realized I was being stupid."

"You were just overcome with the emotion of the moment. What do you think you forgot at that moment?"

Penny looked uneasily at Leonard. "I know what I forgot. Because as soon as Leonard was out the door, I felt terrible about yelling at him, and about saying that he didn't care about me, because I knew that was wrong. I hated that we were fighting when we should have been celebrating. And I felt like an awful person for losing my temper."

Dr. Gallo turned to Leonard. "What about you? What do you think you forgot as your anger mounted?"

Leonard looked down. "How much pressure Penny was under, and how important it was for me to try to help her, how she would try to help me if the roles were reversed. How unfair I was being to her."

"So would it be fair to say that each of you forgot, just for a moment, how much you cared for the other person, and how much the other person cared for you?"

Penny and Leonard looked at each other, smiled and nodded.

"So what do we do?" Leonard asked. "Our friends said talk more, communicate more. That seems right."

"That's very important – not to let things build up. But you will still have disagreements, and they will still have a tendency to escalate. How do you think you might handle them better?"

Penny said, "I guess counting to ten could help – trying to avoid jumping into an angry fight right away."

Dr. Gallo nodded. "That can work. But that puts the burden on the person who's getting angry. That's hard. Something that can help is to have the target make the move to conciliate."

"What does that mean?" Penny asked.

"Say you see that Leonard is getting irritated or angry. You can go to him and give him a kiss, or rub his back, or just hold his hand. Something to remind him that you're on his side, with him and not against him. If you can, tell him you understand; even tell him that you love him. This helps remind you that you care for him - which reminds him that he cares for you. It's like disarming an armed man. It sounds corny, but in my experience it's pretty effective."

The couple nodded along.

"Was there anything else?" Dr. Gallo asked. Penny shifted uneasily on the couch. "Penny?"

"Well…." She glanced at Leonard. "There have been a couple of incidents lately." She stopped. "Why do you think it's so hard for me to tell Leonard how I feel about him?"

Dr. Gallo shifted in her armchair. "I think that's a very important question, but I'm afraid that we're about out of time. However, before we finish I think you two need to decide what you'd like to do. If you are interested, we can schedule regular meetings to continue to explore these issues – including your question, Penny. Would you be interested in that?"

"Yes," both Leonard and Penny said simultaneously.

"Good. I have your emails; I'll be in touch to see if we can find times that works. Meanwhile, keep in mind what we said about how to handle the smaller disagreements. Remind each other that you're in it together. And I especially want you two to remember that you do love each other. I do this for a living, you know, and I don't say this to all the couples. However, in your case I can honestly say that I don't doubt that your marriage is strong. But you need some help figuring out how to move forward to the next stage in your life together."

The couple nodded seriously, thanked the doctor, and left. They walked in silence back to the car.

* * *

Back in Westwood, Diane returned to work quickly, as George had feared she would insist on doing. The rehearsals got more intense, and the process seemed much more real to Penny as costumes, sets, and props began to appear. Diane's absence had set them back a bit, and some extra rehearsals had to be scheduled. This cut into the couple's time together – and they had to cancel their second appointment with Dr. Gallo. But they were exceedingly happy nonetheless.

Sunday morning before the last week of rehearsals, Leonard opened his eyes to see Penny already awake and sitting up in bed. She looked at Leonard.

"Leonard, I'm late."

"What!" He jumped up and looked at his phone. "Wait, it's Sunday. Do you have a rehearsal today?"

Penny smiled. "Not that kind of late."

Leonard rubbed his eyes, still sleepy. "What do you – oh….. How late?"

"Only a week. But you know how regular I am."

"Do you want to take a test?"

Penny held up the box. "Right here. I wanted to wait until you woke up to take it."

Leonard took her hand. "Well, I'm definitely awake now."

"Right. I'll be out in a minute."

When Penny emerged from the bathroom, Leonard was sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting expectantly. Penny sat next to him, and they watched the test stick on the sink as if it might try to escape. Leonard set his phone timer for two minutes. It went off, and they looked at each other.

"Let's look at it together," Penny suggested. They locked hands and walked into the bathroom. The blue plus sign was clearly evident.

Leonard and Penny looked at each other, then collapsed into each other's arms, laughing. "I can't believe I'm going to be a father!" Leonard whispered.

"You're going to be such an amazing one," Penny whispered back.

They stood in the bathroom hugging each other for a good ten minutes.

"Let's go to the beach," Leonard suggested. "Back to the scene of the crime."

"Right!" and they dressed and headed across town to Santa Monica.

They had a big Mexican brunch at El Cholo, then went for a walk on the bluffs overlooking the beach. For several hours they walked up and back, then down to the pier, then onto the beach, animatedly discussing all their plans: rearranging the bedroom for a crib, buying all the equipment, looking for a bigger place. Finally the excitement started to wear off, and they sat on a bench on the pier.

"I should see my Ob-Gyn soon. I'll make an appointment."

"I want to go with you," Leonard said emphatically. "To all the appointments."

Penny nodded. "When do you want to tell people?"

"I think we should wait the usual three months, don't you?"

Penny thought. "In general, yes. But I think I have to tell Diane. I might get morning sickness, or not feel right, and I don't want it to be a surprise. I have a really good understudy, just in case."

"OK. That makes sense."

"And this is tech week," she remarked. "There are liable to be a lot of long days. I don't want to overdo it, but I don't want to seem like I'm slacking off. I think Diane will understand."

"I'm sure. But what's tech week?"

"It's the last week before we go into previews. We work our way up to the final dress rehearsal. That should be Friday."

Leonard looked away for a moment. "I know you haven't wanted me at the rehearsals. Can I go to the previews?"

"Of course!" Penny replied. "In fact, if you want, you can come to the dress. It will almost be like a preview. I'd really like to have you see the show now. So I'll talk to Seth about your coming to the dress."

Leonard smiled happily.

Wednesday afternoon was the second to last technical rehearsal. George was there to watch in addition to Diane. As the cast was breaking up, a security guard stopped Penny. "There's a guy at the box office who says he's your husband. What should I do?"

Penny accompanied the guard out front, and after sorting things out walked her husband back through the theater.

"Leonard, you need to use the stage door. I should get you a backstage pass. I'll talk to Seth."

As they wended their way down the aisle, Leonard stood admiring the stage and set, which was almost ready for the first preview.

"Wow," he said softly.

"What?"

"This makes it real. Up until now I was just imagining things." He looked at Penny. "That costume doesn't leave much to the imagination, though," he grinned, looked at the scanty negligée Penny had on.

"It's for my last scene, she's in bed and falling apart."

"Well, the audience will be able to see every part fall…"

"Hey, are you jealous?"

"Not at all. At least not yet. Mostly it's really sexy," and he put his arms around Penny. She went in for a kiss, which became a lot hotter than they had planned.

"Get a room, you two!" they heard from the stage. They looked up to see George, Diane, and a half-dozen members of the cast looking at them and laughing. Leonard turned bright red, while Penny just laughed along.

"OK, back to the dressing room," she whispered to Leonard.

As they walked across the stage, Penny took Diane aside. "Diane, is it all right if I leave now? I have a doctor's appointment."

Diane eyed Penny. "And Leonard's here to take you? Is this what I think it is?" she said with a wink.

Penny nodded. "If it's confirmed, I'll let you know tomorrow. I hope it won't change anything."

"Oh," said Diane, "it will change _everything._ But not about the show. Good luck, you two," she said softly.

Penny dressed quickly and they drove to the doctor's office – ironically, the same one Penny had met Diane in. Her regular Ob-Gyn didn't deliver babies, and the list of doctors she recommended included Dr. Grossman. Penny thought it would be good luck; plus if Dr. Grossman was good enough for Diane, she was good enough for them.

The doctor confirmed the pregnancy, ordered a series of blood tests, and gave the couple a sheath of brochures to take home and study. Penny asked if there was anything special to know or do given her participation in the play, and the doctor only indicated that she should take the normal precautions. On the way out, the couple set up a series of monthly visits, and headed home to celebrate.

"We can't say anything to Amy and Sheldon," Penny warned in the car. They may have been able to keep a secret about our trying to get pregnant, but they'll never keep this to themselves."

"OK," Leonard said. "But are you really sure you want to wait another two months to tell everyone? I'm thinking that maybe sharing the news, and the experience, with Bernadette might be fun. And even useful – after all, she's four or five months ahead of you and maybe she can give you some advice."

Penny pondered the possibility. "But if we tell Bernadette, I can't imagine keeping it from the others. And I'm not sure I want to do that. What if something goes wrong? Do we really want everyone to know?"

"Don't think like that! You're young and healthy, nothing is likely to go wrong. And if it does, then maybe it would be good to have the support of our friends."

"Let's think about it," Penny concluded. "We don't have to make a decision right now."


	12. Dress

12\. Dress

Friday was the dress rehearsal. Penny told Leonard to arrive before 3 PM, when they were scheduled to start. He checked in with Seth backstage, then went out into the house and found a seat in the center Orchestra. George was sitting a few rows in front. He came over to Leonard and whispered congratulations, then went back toward the front and sat down.

Leonard found the performance extraordinary. DiCaprio was entirely convincing as a deeply flawed, not particularly likable Quentin. All three of the women were equally compelling. But he was, of course, especially focused on Penny's performance. And he was completely blown away. As with the scenes they'd read together, she started out as a naïve young woman and ended up a tragic, heartbreaking, mess. He realized he was biased, but to him her performance seemed spectacular.

Once the rehearsal ended, the actors gathered with Diane on stage. Leonard noted with some surprise that Diane did not seem her usual contented self. But he turned away and walked over to where George was sitting, deep in thought.

"George," he said softly, "I don't mean to interrupt you."

"Not interrupting," George said. "Just thinking."

"I was wondering about your opinion of the production. I'm new to all this, you know, so I have no way of evaluating it. What did you think?

George looked pensive. "There are some issues. But I'm sure Diane and the players will be able to deal with them before we open."

Leonard was concerned. "Was Penny's performance all right?"

George smiled broadly. "Leonard, none of the issues have to do with Penny. She was fantastic. She's going to blow audiences away. Seriously, if you couldn't tell that, I have to wonder about you."

"I just wanted to make sure," Leonard said defensively. "Like I said, I don't know much about the theater."

George laughed. "Leonard, your wife is doing a wonderful job." He thought a bit. "Actually, do you have a few minutes? I'd like to talk to you."

"Sure? What about?"

"About this," George said, gesturing with his hands at the stage. "Do you think you're ready for what's going to happen two weeks from now?"

"Umm, I'm not sure. What do you mean?" Leonard wondered.

"This play is going to be a big deal. Sure, it's a limited run in a mid-range theater. But DiCaprio is in it. So it will be widely reviewed, and seen by everyone in the business. And they'll see Penny, too. And once they see Penny, your lives will never be the same. I can't guarantee you that she'll be a star – although in my opinion she will – but I _can_ guarantee you that she's going to have a whole set of career options available to her. Stage, film, television, you name it. And your wife won't be just yours anymore; she'll belong to directors, other actors, audiences. It's a lot to handle. Believe me, I know. One of the reasons Diane and I started working together exclusively is that when we were off on our own career paths, we felt like we were drifting apart. Penny's not going to be a scientist, and you're not going to be an actor, so you'd better figure out how you want your marriage to evolve as things change."

Leonard nodded. "We've talked about the stresses and strains. I think Diane had a conversation with Penny that raised a lot of these issues. But I'm at a little of a disadvantage here, because I really don't know what to expect. How do you suggest we try to prepare?"

"That's a good question, I guess I'll have to think about it, consult with Diane." He stopped. "Hold on, let me talk to her for a moment." And her walked up to the stage, pulled Diane aside and had a brief conversation with her, then walked back down to where Leonard was sitting.

"Why don't you two come over to the house for dinner tonight? You'll have to put up with three pretty noisy kids, but we'll have a chance to go over some ideas with you."

"That sounds great," Leonard enthused. "I'm sure Penny will be interested." And they worked out the details just as Penny came off the stage to greet Leonard. George left the two alone and walked back onstage where he and Diane began an animated discussion.

"You were incredible," Leonard whispered to Penny. "Even George said so. That was amazing!"

Penny shook her head. "Thanks. But there are a lot of problems. We're going to have to add in some extra rehearsal time before we start previews Tuesday."

"Really?" Leonard was surprised. "George did say there were issues, but I thought it looked great. What's the problem?"

Penny looked around. "Later. For now, I have to go change, then we can leave."

"OK," Leonard said, puzzled. "By the way, George invited us to dinner over at their house tonight. He wants to give us some advice about how to handle your new-found fame, I think."

Penny laughed. "Jumping the gun, is he? But that's very nice of them. Let's go now, though."

Once Penny was dressed and they were out in Leonard's car, Penny explained to her husband. "The dress rehearsal was a mess. Diane was pretty upset."

"Why? It looked great to me."

Penny smiled. "I can tell you, but you can't say anything to anyone. Agreed?"

Leonard nodded. "Very cloak and dagger."

"More like embarrassing. DiCaprio is a fantastic actor, I'm sure you saw that. He really nailed the part. But he's a film guy, and he makes a lot of mistakes on stage that we have to correct."

"Like what?"

"Well, did you notice that in his last scene with me I kept grabbing his arm?"

"Sure. It was pretty pathetic. I mean in a good way."

Penny laughed. "I know. But it's not in the staging. I was doing that to try to keep him from walking upstage."

"Upstage means away from the audience, right? That much I think I learned. Anyway, what's the problem?"

"If Leo walks upstage, I have to turn my back to the audience to talk to him. Get it? If I'm talking to him, I need to be facing him – otherwise it doesn't look right. But if he's upstage, for me to face him my back is to the audience. We spend a lot of time blocking scenes to make sure that you get the right combination: the action has to look natural, but it has to be visible to the audience, and the audience has to hear the actors."

"And DiCaprio doesn't get that?"

"I'm sure he does, in theory," Penny explained. "But all his experience is in film. He says that he's trying to keep the action more natural. You can do that in film where the cameras track you. But the stage is fixed and so is the audience, so you always have to keep the audience in mind. Leo keeps apologizing, but he keeps missing his marks. I think they're going to put spike tape down for him, which we'd never normally do this close to opening."

"What's spike tape?"

"Spikes are the marks where the actor's supposed to stand. We used them early in rehearsals, but we don't need them anymore. Now Diane is so concerned about Leo wandering around onstage that she was talking about putting them down for him again, at least for the next few performances."

"Oh. That sounds pretty bad. But at least it doesn't affect you," Leonard said.

"It does, a little. We're going to have to rehearse Sunday and Monday. Sorry, I know I told you we'd be off. But we want to get things right before the first preview."

"I understand. But you're free tomorrow, right? We have another appointment with Dr. Gallo, and then Sheldon and Amy's housewarming party."

Penny nodded. "Don't worry, tomorrow's free. So tell me now why we're invited to dinner with Diane and George?"

That evening, after sharing a simple dinner and helping Diane and George get their children ready for bed, Penny and Leonard sat on the living room couch waiting for their hosts. The older couple emerged after a few minutes and George poured everyone drinks – seltzer for Penny.

George began. "Look, we really like you two. You're bright and talented. But we worry about how your lives are going to change when _Fall_ opens. I've spoken with Leonard, and I know Diane talked to Penny, but we thought we'd try to bring some of the ideas together."

Penny asked, "Why all the fuss, though? The show hasn't opened, Leo's the big draw, and it's a stage play. Not exactly the kind of thing that gets you on the Walk of Fame."

Diane smiled. "We're pretty confident the response to your performance is going to be tremendous. So even if it isn't, what's the harm in being prepared?"

"Prepared for what?" Leonard asked.

"Prepared," George continued, "for example, Leonard, for your co-workers to ask you how you feel about your wife sleeping with Leonardo DiCaprio. I mean, they're a couple onstage, and they're pretty chummy offstage, and people notice. So that rumor will get around. And then people will start wondering who the father of the baby really is. Because that's what they'll be reading about in the tabloids. Prepared for you to come out of the hospital with your baby and be surrounded by a dozen photographers trying to get a picture. Prepared for going out to a quiet dinner and being mobbed by two dozen autograph seekers."

Penny took Leonard's hand. "So what should we do?"

"Protect yourselves. Protect your privacy. Make sure your phones, emails, addresses, are as secret as you can make them. If that means changing your phone and email, do it. Where do you live?"

"In an apartment in Pasadena," Leonard answered.

"Good, not a home, so no public records with your address. Well, check to make sure your address isn't on any public records. Marriage certificate, maybe? And you need to move to someplace easier to protect."

"Why?" Leonard asked with alarm.

"Because Penny will be stalked. It's not if, it's when. She's beautiful, and charming; once she has a couple of movies or TV shows under her belt it will start."

Penny gripped Leonard's hand very tightly. Diane put her hand on George's arm.

"George is probably exaggerating. It's not really that scary. But you do need to protect yourselves. You especially need to safeguard your personal lives. You're young, recently married, with a baby on the way. That's a wonderful time. You can try to make it as normal as possible. Make sure to keep your current friends – don't get drawn into the Hollywood party circuit. Take trips out of town, where you're less likely to be recognized. Be friendly to the press, but turn down just about everything that isn't strictly necessary. At least until you feel more settled and know the ropes better."

Penny and Leonard looked at each other.

"I know we're making things seem frightening," Diane continued, kindly. "We just want you to be ready for some shocks. And let's not forget about all the good things coming your way. Penny will be a great success. You'll make new friends in the industry. You'll have wonderful new experiences."

"And you'll have a lot more money!" George broke in.

Diane rolled her eyes. "True. But more important, you'll have a new baby! Life will be good. Just make sure it's _your_ life, not something that belongs to the press. Your publicist will help take care of that. Penny, you did contact him, didn't you?"

"Yes, and we're supposed to meet this week. Leonard," she turned to her husband, "can you please come along? I really want to make sure we do this right."

"Of course. And," he turned to George and Diane, "is there anything else we should know?"

Diane smiled. "I think we've terrified you enough for one evening. Enough shop talk. Come on, let's go outside and look at the city and the stars."

As they walked back to the car, Leonard remarked, "It was really nice of them to have that talk with us."

Penny nodded. "I like both of them. And they sure know a lot. I have a feeling we might need to get more advice from them as things happen. If they happen."

"They will, Penny. They will."

* * *

Leonard was quiet in the car as they headed for Pasadena. Penny looked at him, a little concerned. "All right?"

"Sure," he said, a little coldly. "But let's talk when we get home."

Penny was nervous for the remainder of the drive, and as soon as they arrived at the apartment she asked Leonard, "What's the matter?"

"I was just thinking about what George said about you and DiCaprio. He said you were chummy offstage, and people notice. What's that all about?" Leonard was clearly upset. He was pacing nervously by the door.

"Hey, he's my co-star!" Penny said defensively. "We talk about the play, we consult on our interpretation."

"I get that, but if the producer is talking about rumors flying because of how you're acting with DiCaprio, it seems to me maybe it's more than that. Like maybe you're flirting with him, or something. After all, he is your idol," Leonard said, a little gloomily.

"Jeez, Leonard, give it a rest. We're professionals. Don't you trust me?"

"Sure," Leonard said. But now he was getting angry. "But don't you think I should have heard it from you, I mean that you were spending a lot of time with him?"

Penny was surprised. "I thought you liked him! I can't believe you're jealous of him, anyway. He and I are playing major scenes –"

Leonard interrupted, furious now. "Sure I liked him. This isn't about him, it's about you. And what do you mean you can't believe I'm jealous of him?! It's Leonardo frigging DiCaprio! I know how you feel about him. And how you used to flirt with doctors just to make a sale. What's to say you wouldn't flirt with DiCaprio, or worse, to get ahead?"

Penny looked at her husband, stunned and getting angry. But she remembered Dr. Gallo's advice. Leonard was nearly out of control. She didn't want a repeat of previous arguments. Think, think, what did Gallo say? And she remembered. She walked over to where he was standing. The poor man was shaking with rage and hurt. He looked at her angrily, and she reached for his hand.

"Leonard, I understand. I love you and I wouldn't do anything to hurt you." She released his hand and ran her fingers through his hair, resting her hand gently on his shoulder. She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. Magically, she noticed, Leonard seemed to calm down.

"But you should have told me something about this," Leonard said, still upset.

"You're probably right. I'm sorry. I'll try to warn you in the future." Penny put her arms around her husband and kissed him on the lips. "Maybe I shouldn't have kidded about the DiCaprio exception to the Relationship Agreement."

Leonard laughed, "No, that was pretty funny. I guess I just didn't like hearing about it from George. Or from anybody else. If you told me you were attracted to him, I'd accept it – of course you are, every woman in the world is. But hearing it from somebody else, that bothered me a lot."

"I get that. And I'll try to remember to keep you in the loop. Thanks for understanding, honey," Penny purred. They kissed, and she shook her head. "Wow."

"Wow, what?"

"It really worked," she replied.

Leonard looked confused, then opened his eyes wide. "You just Gallified me."

"What?!"

He laughed. "You just used what Dr. Gallo was talking about on me."

"Yeah," she said, apologetically. "Was that wrong?"

"No, it was great! It worked, like you said. You cut the fight off almost before it began."

"I know," Penny smiled. "But what did you call it?"

"Oh, I've been calling it Gallification in my mind. I was waiting to try it myself, but you beat me to the punch."

"Oooh, I like that. Gallification."

"Actually, you know, I think that might be a real word, having to do with making something French."

"Pedantic, Leonard, pedantic. And I like your meaning better. I Gallified you tonight. So no fight."

"OK. I have an idea, though. If we're going to be avoiding fights, we have to find some way of compensating for the loss of make-up sex. How about a performance bonus for successful Gallification?"

"Oooh, I like that too. Can I collect my bonus?" she asked, batting her eyelashes.

"Certainly," he said, as they headed off to bed.


	13. Warming the house

13\. Warming the house

The couple slept in the next day, Saturday, but early that afternoon they finally were able to have their second appointment with Dr. Gallo. They reported on the success of her suggestion, and she smiled appreciatively. Then the doctor picked up where they had left off two weeks earlier. "Penny, when we last met you mentioned that there had been some issues you wanted to talk about."

"Yes," she said, looking at Leonard. "I've been thinking about it, and it seems to me that we need to deal better with the fact that we are very different kinds of people."

"In what way?"

"Well, Leonard is really 'out there' with his feelings, but I'm a lot less interested in sharing my emotions. Sometimes this causes tension. I think we have to learn to accept each other's differences."

Leonard looked uneasily at Penny, and Dr. Gallo turned to him. "Leonard?"

"I guess I expected something different. I thought the issue was that Penny had trouble expressing her feelings about me, I mean positive feelings. And the incident she mentioned was a time where she seemed pretty guilty about that, and wanted to do something about it. My impression was that that was what we were going to talk about."

Penny broke in, "Well, that's right. I did feel guilty. But I've thought about it and I believe the real point is that Leonard's a pretty emotional person, and I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I like that about him. But we're different, and we have to accept that."

"I see," Dr. Gallo continued. She turned to Leonard. "What do you think of this?"

"I, um, I guess it's true. But sometimes it's hard."

"Hard how?"

"I know I can be needy. And I'm not saying I want to be showered with compliments. But I tell Penny all the time how much she means to me, how much I admire her, how proud I am of her. Getting that kind of support from her is pretty rare. In fact, I only remember one time recently, and it was when she had had a lot to drink. Otherwise, I don't feel like she really pays much attention to what I'm doing, or any of my accomplishments."

"What's that like for you?"

"It hurts," Leonard said bluntly. "It hurts a lot."

"Come on, Leonard," Penny said, surprised, "you know how much I care for you. I'm just not as expressive about my feelings as you are."

"You don't seem to have any trouble being expressive when you're angry at me," Leonard said, clenching his teeth.

"Leonard, you know I love you," Penny said, exasperation creeping into her tone. "I just don't feel a need to put my emotions on display all the time."

Leonard looked at her. "Right. That's what you say," and his voice began to tremble. "But then you're ready to go up on stage in front of 500 people and pour out every emotion known to mankind. And you can't tell your own husband that you appreciate him, or that you're proud of him? Why does an audience deserve more than your husband? You can put all your emotions on display to a theater full of strangers, but you can't make an effort to have your own husband feel like he's important to you? What's that all about?" He could not hide his bitterness as he stared at the far wall, his fists clenched.

Penny looked down, distraught.

"Leonard, I know you're upset. But please look at your wife."

Despite himself, Leonard made the effort to look at Penny. His affect softened a little. "Maybe I'm being unfair, but it's the way I feel. There are two of us in this marriage, and sometimes it seems like I'm the only one who is grateful for it. It would be nice to hear it from you, sometimes."

Penny nodded, unable to speak. Dr. Gallo allowed the silence to last for a minute, then addressed herself to Leonard.

"Would it surprise you to know that many actors stutter, or once did? James Earl Jones, Julia Roberts, Nicole Kidman, Marilyn Monroe…."

"I didn't know that," he said. "But I'm not sure I see the relevance."

"Having somebody else's words given to them made it easier for them to overcome whatever it was that caused the stutter. See a parallel?"

"Oh." Leonard nodded. "So you think that somebody who has trouble expressing emotions finds acting a way to do that?"

Dr. Gallo nodded. "It's a possibility. Penny?"

"I guess," she said, still not raising her head.

"Do you have any idea why you find it hard to express your feelings to Leonard?"

"I don't know."

The doctor let the silence sit.

Leonard muttered, "Weakness."

Dr. Gallo looked at him. "Go on?"

"Penny sees too much emotion as a sign of weakness."

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, she grew up on a farm in Nebraska. I don't know much about that, but I'm guessing it was tough. Certainly tougher than growing up in the New Jersey suburbs. Her father is a nice guy, but he's tough too. So I'm thinking that's the way she was raised. And then," his voice softening a bit, "she came out here to try to make it. Everybody knows the industry is brutal, and I suppose she felt that had to be strong and independent. Which she is. So I imagine she didn't want anybody to think she wasn't tough enough to make it on her own. She has a lot of defenses built up. And being too emotional might make her feel like she's being weak."

Penny had raised her head and was staring at Leonard. She reached out and touched his arm. "You understand me so well. So why does it make you so angry?"

Leonard looked at Penny, shaking his head. "Understanding it doesn't make it any easier to take."

"Leonard, I never mean to hurt you. You have to believe me." She shook her head sadly, "I should know better."

The doctor was curious. "Why should you know better?"

Penny explained, "His mother never gave him any love or affection. It's so awful, it makes me furious just to think about it. So of course it means a lot to him to hear it from me. I should have realized that…sometimes I wonder about myself. But it's not only my fault," she said, glancing at Leonard.

"How do you mean?" Dr. Gallo asked, as Leonard looked on, curious.

"Well, he's an emotional guy, it's true. But a lot of the time he doesn't tell me about things I do that upset him. Like, a few weeks ago I found out that it really bothered him when I made fun of some of his behavior, but I only found out because we were doing an acting drill. Ten years, and he'd never mentioned it to me. And this other thing, about my being proud of him; he never mentioned that to me until it came up at a party. It's almost like he's afraid to tell me when I do things that bother him. I'm not a mind reader, I need him to tell me. I mean, I felt terrible when I found out about both those problems. But it was the first I'd heard about them."

Leonard looked unhappy about the turn of the conversation. "I don't think it takes much to figure out that it's not very nice to make fun of somebody, and that people like to be praised. Why do I have to tell you something that you already know?"

Dr. Gallo broke in. "Well. Let's try to address this, on both sides of the coin. I want to give you two some homework. Penny, once a day I want you to tell Leonard how you feel about him. And Leonard, I want you to respond by telling Penny how what she tells you makes you feel. That should at least get things going. And Leonard, you can use this as practice for being a little more direct when you talk to Penny. All right?"

Both nodded, as the session ended and they left the office.

"That was intense. But I think Dr. Gallo will be great for us," Leonard said, as the couple left the doctor's office and headed out to the parking lot.

Penny nodded. "Me too. But it's draining."

As they got into the car, she turned to him. "Leonard, I want you to know that I have never loved anyone like I love you. It's scary to me. But it's true."

Leonard was quiet for a moment, blinking. Then he shook it off. "What, trying to get a head start on your homework?" he quipped.

"I'm serious. And you're flunking yours."

"Oh. Right. Well, when you told me that I felt…wonderful. Warm. Like I wanted to kiss you."

She gave him a sultry look. "Well?" she said, closing her eyes. He went in for a very soft, very tender kiss, which lasted a long while.

As he pulled away, she opened her eyes. "That was nice."

"It was," Leonard agreed. He looked at the clock in the dashboard. "We have a few hours before the party at Sheldon and Amy's. Should we go over to the Huntington Gardens to walk around? You used to like that."

Penny smiled. "We haven't done that in so long. I'd love that."

* * *

That evening the whole gang gathered in Apartment 4A for Sheldon and Amy's inaugural dinner party together. They were calling it a housewarming, in honor of their definitively living together – if not always in one bedroom.

All the members of the group arrived, bearing gifts. Sheldon was reluctant to accept them, until Amy informed him that social convention did not require a gift exchange in the case of house gifts – unless the gift-giver also had a new home. At that, Sheldon began opening the presents.

Leonard and Penny had two. One, which Sheldon opened first, was a set of His and Hers towels. Sheldon tried to seem enthusiastic, but couldn't quite pull it off.

Penny waited just long enough to truly embarrass Sheldon, then broke the news: ""It's a joke, Sheldon! We know you'd never use them. We'll take them if you don't want them. The other present is the real one."

Sheldon breathed a sigh of relief and opened the second present. "Oh, look, it's an electric kettle! And a whole set of exotic teas!"

Leonard explained, "We figured with you two living together, Amy would need a lot of hot beverages for when she's upset."

Sheldon frowned at Leonard, but the general laughter overshadowed it. He and Amy moved on to the other housewarming gifts with appreciation.

Once the gift portion of the evening was over, Amy stepped out in front of Sheldon.

"This is a party in honor of a change. In this case, the change is Sheldon and I living together. But there have been some other changes lately, and we wanted to honor them, too. Bernadette and Howard are expecting, and I know I speak for all of us when I say that we are sooo excited to be aunts and uncles."

Everyone cheered. Amy went on. "And another big change is that Penny will be opening in a major stage play."

Further cheers. But Amy wasn't done. "And there's another change that Sheldon and I wanted to announce." She pulled Sheldon forward and linked arms with him. "Last night, Sheldon proposed to me, and I accepted."

The shocked silence lasted a good five seconds, before the loudest cheers of the evening broke the sound barrier. The girls gathered around Amy, who took her engagement ring out of the pocket she'd been hiding it in and put it on. The boys congratulated Sheldon warmly, embarrassing him deeply. Penny and Leonard looked at each other across the room. Leonard winked at his wife, and Penny gave him the thumbs-up.

After dinner, Penny announced that, considering the circumstances, the ladies would be heading across the hall to carry on in private. The boys were free to speak amongst themselves.

Once they were alone, Sheldon suggested a game of Halo. Or Settlers of Catan. Or anything to remind him of the old times. The others agreed on Catan, and they broke out the game board. As they set up, Leonard spoke up.

"A lot of things are changing around here, I know, and that can be hard for some people" and he looked at Sheldon. "But I just wanted to say that no matter what changes, we'll always be friends. Friends in different ways than ten years ago, maybe. But friends."

The other three nodded assent, although Leonard could not help but note that Sheldon's nod was a sad one. He made a note to himself to find some time to talk to his friend in private. With Sheldon, everything always took longer, and was harder.

The game went on for an hour and more, until Sheldon inevitably claimed victory to general agreement. As they sat around chatting, the three young women came into the room.

"OK," Penny yelled, "Couples Truth or Dare!"

As they laughed and kidded each other for the next hour, Leonard couldn't help but think that, what with the play about to begin and Bernadette almost six months pregnant, this might be the last time they would all be together in quite this way.

Later on, as Leonard and Penny helped Sheldon and Amy clean up, Penny turned to the newly engaged couple. "We're so happy for the two of you!"

"Well, we have you to thank, at least in part," Amy said, smiling.

"How so?" Penny asked.

"Leonard moving out sort of gave Sheldon the push he needed for us to get to the next level, I think," Amy replied.

Sheldon looked up sharply. "I don't need Leonard to tell me what to do," he said angrily.

"No, no, I didn't mean that," Amy backed off quickly. "I just meant that it gave us an opportunity to, you know, explore new options." But Sheldon did not look happy.

Penny and Leonard exchanged looks. As the cleaning wound up, Penny said to Amy, "Hey, why don't you come over to our place for a bit. I could use some help with my lines."

As the young women left to go across the hall, Leonard said to Sheldon, "Let's sit down and rest a little." They moved to the living room area, Sheldon in his spot, Leonard in the armchair.

"Is everything all right, Sheldon?"

Sheldon shook his head. "It's all happening so fast. I told you this was the way it was going to be. I feel as though I'm losing all of my friends. Especially you two."

Leonard nodded. "I can see that. It's a lot of change to try to take in. But there's nothing like being with a woman who loves you, and who you love. You can make fun of romantic love all you want, but I know you're happy with Amy. And you will only get happier as you get to know each other better."

"Maybe. But it's still hard." And the two friends continued to talk through Sheldon's very mixed feelings.

Across the hall, Penny was looking quizzically at Amy. "What's up, Amy?"

"I don't know, Penny. I mean, I'm really happy. And Sheldon's happy, most of the time. But he also seems sad sometimes. I think maybe all these changes are too much for him. And I don't know what to do."

"Well, we all know how he hates change. But these changes now are all good!"

"I don't think he sees it that way. There are ways I think you and Leonard are closer to Sheldon than I am, that you know him better than I do. Except carnally, of course," Amy added.

"What does that mean?"

"You know, in bed."

"Oh well, yeah. It is true, we've known him longer than you. But he loves you, Amy, and he wants to be with you. Maybe it will take time to get used to it, but it will come. And he has you now. That will make all the difference, especially over time. We're eventually going to move out, once the baby comes."

Amy looked at Penny sharply, then narrowed her eyes. " _Once_ the baby comes? Is there something I should know?"

Penny grimaced. "Oh, damn. I wasn't supposed to say anything. We were going to wait until three months. But yes, I'm pregnant."

Amy jumped up and hugged Penny. "That's so wonderful! So exciting!"

Penny sighed. "Oh, Leonard is going to kill me. You'll tell Sheldon, and then everyone will know. Well, I guess it had to come out eventually. But forget about that for a minute. I want to know more about Sheldon being sad. He should be happy now. What's going on with him?"

"I'm just not sure. There are times he mopes around for hours, just staring out the window. As I say, I know he's happy to be with me, but something is really eating at him and I don't know how to reach him."

"OK, that settles it," Penny said firmly. "Leonard's working this out with Sheldon now. But you two need to talk to each other. So we're going across the way and work this through, the four of us. "

"How do you know they're talking about this, instead of some stupid video game?"

"We just looked at each other. Some things don't have to be said," Penny shrugged.

The two women walked into Apartment 4A where Leonard and Sheldon were still deep in conversation. They stopped talking, and Penny walked over and sat by Leonard on the arm of his chair; Amy on the couch next to Sheldon.

Penny started with her characteristic bluntness. "OK, guys, we have to talk. Sheldon, I know how much you love homeostasis. But in life there are lots of changes. And you two are going to be married. So what's eating you?"

Sheldon looked at Leonard and Penny, then at Amy. "I feel like I'm losing my best friends. I mean," he hastened to add apologetically, "Amy is my best friend. But you're barely around, Penny, and Leonard's only a little better, and I know it's only going to get worse. And then with a baby…." He trailed off sadly.

Penny nodded. "We understand, sweetie. Leonard is like a brother to you, and I'm like a sister. But even brothers and sisters have to go their separate ways. That doesn't mean they stop being brothers and sisters. It just means they have to make sure to check in on each other. And make more of the time they spend together."

Leonard added, "It's like I was saying before, Sheldon. Change is part of life. You and Amy will be married soon. And eventually you'll have children, and raise a family. And those will be changes, but they'll be changes for the better. You have to learn to embrace the changes and understand that they can make your life better. Trust me. There's nothing like being with a woman who loves you, trusts you, has no secrets from you." And he looked at Penny and took her hand.

Amy glanced at Penny with a reproving look. Penny cleared her throat.

"About that, Leonard…."

He looked at her quizzically.

"I guess I sort of let our little secret slip out a few minutes ago."

Leonard shook his head. "I knew it. Well, it's all right. Go ahead, tell Sheldon."

"Tell me what?"

"We're pregnant!" Penny said excitedly. "Well, I mean, before you do all that again: I'm pregnant, to be precise."

Sheldon nodded slowly. Amy nudged him, "Sheldon, this is wonderful news. You should congratulate them."

"Oh, all right. Congratulations on impregnating Penny, Leonard. And congratulations on being impregnated, Penny."

Amy looked at him. "Sheldon, I know you must be happy for your friends. What's wrong?"

Sheldon shook his head sadly. "It's not just that it's change. It's that my two oldest friends in the world are not going to be around. That's hard to accept. Amy," he said, looking at his fiancée, "I don't mean this to diminish our relationship, but I'm not sure what I'll do without Leonard and Penny."

"I understand, Sheldon. I can't replace them. I wouldn't want to. But we can work it out together. I can try to help you through this. And I can also help make sure that we all stay in each other's lives. Because I don't want to lose my best friend, either."

Penny and Leonard looked at each other; Leonard spoke first. "Nobody's going to lose anyone. We're all moving on, maybe on different tracks, Sheldon, but we're going to stay close. We all want that."

Sheldon nodded. "I guess. But I still miss you, Leonard. And you too, Penny."

Leonard patted Sheldon on the shoulder. Penny hesitated, then leaned over to give him a hug, which Sheldon did not resist.

"I think we all need some sleep." Amy said. "You look tired, Sheldon. Let's go to bed," she said softly. Penny and Leonard smiled at each other at the unaccustomed intimacy, said good night, and left.

Later that evening, as Leonard crawled into bed, he asked – in line with what they had started after their conversation with Howard and Bernadette – how she was doing, whether there was anything she wanted to talk about. Penny shook her head no, but remained seated against the wall. Leonard could tell she was thinking. He waited a bit, then prodded her: "Everything all right?"

Penny nodded. "Just thinking about that session with Dr. Gallo. And about the play. You know how in _After the Fall_ some people have it that Quentin is strong and reasonable while Maggie is damaged? Some people might think that about us."

"Gee, thanks."

"I mean just that I'm the tough one and you're the one who needs work. But it's not right. Just like that version's not right. The way we play it is right. They're both damaged. And the tragedy is that they can't get through to each other. They can't see how they could help each other."

Leonard knew better than to interrupt her when she was thinking out loud.

"We're like that. We're both damaged."

"You're not damaged, Penny. You're perfect."

"Pfft. I'm not perfect. You know that."

"OK, nobody's perfect," Leonard agreed. "But you're perfect for me. What I mean is that I wouldn't change anything about you. Even if I could, I wouldn't change anything about you."

Penny looked at him. "Me neither. I wouldn't change anything about you."

"Really?"

"Well, maybe asthma, and lactose intolerance. But nothing about you as a person. You're just what I need."

She was silent again. "We're both damaged, but we found each other, and we help each other, and we understand each other. I'm sorry I don't tell you how I feel about you more often. That's wrong, I'll work on that. But I was thinking about us, and about how we support each other, how we sort of…fit together. For ten years we've always been there for each other. When we were together, when we weren't together, you were always there for me. You know, I can't even imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't met you. You're such a part of it. Of me."

Leonard nodded. "I feel the same way. I can't imagine life without you."

She looked at him again. "You know that I love you more than anything."

"What are you, trying for extra credit? Because it's working…."

"I'm serious, Leonard. Talking with Dr. Gallo, and reading the book, helps me get a clearer picture of how I feel, what I feel, what I should do about it."

Leonard was surprised. "You've been reading the book?"

"Sure," Penny answered. "Haven't you?"

"Well, yes. But I didn't know you were."

She looked at him and shook her head. "Still doubting me?"

Leonard looked a little ashamed. "Sorry, sorry."

"So isn't there usually a reward for extra credit?" Penny hinted.

"Absolutely," Leonard said, taking off his glasses and slipping in closer to his wife.


	14. Filling the house

14\. Filling the house

The company went into previews on Tuesday. Monday afternoon Leonard handed a schedule to Penny. "I guess Sheldon has infected me. But I thought it would be good to get the timing worked out, since this will be our life for three and a half months. And I think it will help us figure out how to spend time together."

Penny nodded, looking at the sheet, which read:

 _Tuesdays. Morning free. Leave home noon. 1 PM call. 7 PM show._

 _Wednesdays. Leave home 10 AM. 11 AM call. 3 PM matinee, 7 PM evening show._

 _Thursdays. Morning free. Leave home noon. 1 PM call. 7 PM show._

 _Fridays. Morning free. Leave home noon. 1 PM call. 7 PM show._

 _Saturdays. Leave home 10 AM. 11 AM call. 3 PM matinee, 7 PM evening show._

 _Sundays. Free_

 _Mondays. Free_

"So we have three mornings free together, plus two days. That seems like pretty much. Plus I think after we open and things are more settled, the call is closer to show time," she said, approvingly.

"All right. But remember, we have to fit in doctor's visits, and errands, and trying to keep up with our friends. It's likely to be a little tight."

Penny nodded. "Maybe we can make a Sunday dinner with everyone a thing?"

Leonard agreed. "Great idea. And as for the errands and chores, that's my job."

"Sweetie, if you do everything, you're going to start to hate me. You need to get your own work done. You can't let this play disrupt your life, too."

Leonard shook his head. "In general, fine. But this is different. This is your big break, and you're pregnant. My work can wait. And our priority is the play, and the baby – not necessarily in that order."

"All right," she sighed. "But if you feel like it's too much for you, let me know. We're in this together."

"Fine. And maybe we can get some help from our friends. Anyway, how about we have our first Sunday dinner with everyone next Sunday?"

Tuesday morning, the couple left the apartment together at noon. Penny headed for her 1 PM call, Leonard to work. He would, of course, attend the first preview.

"I'll see you after the show," Penny said, as she got into the car waiting in front for her. Leonard nodded, waved, and headed back to the apartment parking lot. He quickly ran back to knock on the window of the car.

"What did you forget?" Penny asked.

"Two things. Three. One, break a leg. Two, I love you. Three, I want to come to all the previews. Is that all right?"

Penny smiled. "It's more than all right. But can you afford to miss that much work?"

"Well, maybe I'll skip the matinees. But otherwise I think I can keep up."

Leonard found the two weeks of previews fascinating. He could see the bugs being worked out – for one thing, DiCaprio always seemed to be in the right place. The scene changes were more seamless, the emotions were deeper, the actors seemed more in tune with one another. Penny confirmed, when they were alone together, that the production was moving very smoothly.

Meanwhile, Penny and Leonard cleared the Sunday-party idea with Sheldon and Amy, since it would naturally be at their place. It was fine with them, and the group gathered the Sunday evening before the week of the opening performance of _After the Fall_. There was generalized excitement as Leonard passed around advance copies of the playbill to everyone, along with tickets.

Bernadette was the first to notice. "They call you Penelope. I don't think I've ever heard anyone call you that!"

"I know," Penny said, rolling her eyes. "The PR people said Penny was too informal. I sorta hate that name, though."

Leonard objected. "I like it. It reminds me of how we got married."

Penny looked at him quizzically.

Sheldon explained. "You eloped, remember?"

"Ah!" Penny exclaimed. "Pen eloped. Got it. Cute. But I still don't really like the name."

"But your name is right next to Leonardo DiCaprio's," enthused Raj, dreamily. "What's he like, really?"

"He's very nice," Penny said patiently. "But listen, guard these tickets with your lives. I really had to plead with the stage manager for this many. Thursday, 7 PM. And there's a big party afterwards near the theater. So dress up. And if you're good, Raj, maybe I'll introduce you to Leonardo DiCaprio."

Raj swooned.

Leonard had another announcement, one he and Penny had discussed the day before. "There's something else. This is even more important," as Penny nodded along and the rest of the crew looked confused.

"This is something we are only telling you, our closest friends. And we are counting on you to keep it to yourselves. But we wanted you to know that Penny is pregnant," Leonard said simply. There was a shocked silence, then applause as everyone jumped up to congratulate the couple. The guys clustered around Leonard, with Howard giving confident advice to Leonard.

Bernadette and Amy cornered Penny. Bernadette was particularly excited. "Oh, Penny, this is so great! We'll be able to raise our kids together!"

"You're right, I didn't even think of that! Mostly I was hoping to get some advice from you on what to expect over the next few months."

"That too!" Bernadette said excitedly. "I have some things that help with morning sickness. Although I don't really know why they call it morning sickness, I was sick all the time. But it passed."

"I remember," Penny said, recalling. "There were a couple of weeks when I couldn't go into the bathroom at work without hearing you puking your brains out in a stall. Yuck. Maybe I'll be lucky?"

"Maybe," Bernadette said, as she started to whisper. "There's something they don't tell you."

"What's that?" Penny whispered, as she and Amy leaned in. "And why are we whispering?"

Bernadette smiled and looked over at the men. "It makes you a lot more, you know…romantic."

Penny laughed, "You mean horny? Well, I look forward to that. Wait until I tell Leonard."

Amy smiled, a little wanly. "I wonder if I'll ever get there with Sheldon."

"What, horny?" Penny said, and they all laughed.

"Already there," Amy whispered. "I meant, I wonder if he'll ever want to have children."

Bernadette got serious. "I'm sure he will. Maybe when he sees us with ours he'll change his mind and want to join the club."

"Knowing him," Penny added, "he'll want to have five, just to outdo the rest of us."

Amy grimaced. "Well, I hope you're right. Not about the five, though. I'm not sure my body could take that."

Later that evening, Howard was talking seriously with Leonard. "You know, a year from now we'll both have kids. And Penny will probably be famous. And Sheldon and Amy will be married. What do you think our lives will be like?"

Leonard shook his head. "It's hard to figure. But I do know one thing: I don't want to lose touch with you guys. Penny just mentioned to me that our kids will be pretty close in age. Maybe same grade in school. That will be so cool, don't you think?"

Howard nodded and shot a nervous glance across the room. "Do you think I can be a good father? I didn't have much of a role model."

Leonard reassured him. "Howard, I think you'll be great. You've been wanting this forever. And look at me. At least you had a mother that loved you. You might not have had much of a male role model, but all I had was negative examples."

"You're right. Maybe because we know so well what not to do, we'll be better parents for it."

"I think so," Leonard agreed. "And we'll always have the girls to keep us honest. And each other."

"Deal," Howard said warmly, grasping Leonard's arm.

"What are you two plotting about?" Penny asked, as she and Bernadette walked over.

Leonard looked at Howard. "Well, to be honest, we were wondering what kinds of fathers we'd be. Since neither of us exactly have good examples to follow."

Penny kissed Leonard on the cheek, as Bernadette did the same to Howard. Bernadette spoke first. "I think you'll both be fantastic. You're two of the warmest men I know. And if you ever screw up, well, you know what will happen to you," she said threateningly.

Leonard laughed. "That was _exactly_ what we were saying!"

The party went on for another couple of hours, as Penny and Leonard tried hard to make up for all the time they had missed with their friends.

* * *

Penny woke up late Thursday morning and reached for Leonard. But the bed was empty, and not even warm. She was puzzled: ever since performances had started, Leonard had stayed in with her every morning until she was ready to leave the apartment. But now, on perhaps the biggest day of her performing life, he seemed to have left early. She wandered out into the living room.

Leonard was working busily in the kitchenette, and spun around as he heard Penny come in.

"Damn, I was trying to get things ready before you woke up. Oh well, come sit down. I'm not done making pancakes, but I have something for you."

Penny sat, and Leonard set a large album in front of her. "I thought you might want to see these. I know you've been way too busy to read the papers or the trades, but the show is getting a lot of press."

Penny thumbed through the album. Leonard had printed out dozens of articles from the local and industry press, and highlighted every mention of Penny.

"It's the beginnings of the _After the Fall_ scrapbook," he said proudly. "You'd better save it. A museum will want it someday."

Penny smiled. "I doubt that. But it's lovely, Leonard. Thank you." She read through the articles as he finished making breakfast. The stories all featured DiCaprio, but most of them mentioned the rest of the cast, including her. Pretty much all of them called her some variant of "newcomer" or "little-known." But most of them also commented extensively on the role she was playing. After all, the play was best known for appearing to document the rise and fall of Marilyn Monroe, so it was natural that there would be curiosity about the character. Her publicist had done a good job of feeding the journalists just enough of the right kind of information that the mentions were largely positive, if vague.

"Oof, this is making me nervous" Penny said finally, closing the book, "I think I'd rather look at this afterwards. Now, pancakes, please."

"Coming right up!" Leonard said, serving them both.

They spent the rest of the morning relaxing at home. At noon, Leonard walked Penny out to the arranged car. "Is it all right if I come backstage before the performance?" he asked. "Is there some superstition, like with weddings?"

"Not at all. But you know I'll probably be nervous as hell. Hey, aren't you going to work?"

"Eventually. I have some errands to run, though," Leonard said. He kissed his wife and turned away, smiling to himself.

* * *

Leonard knew what a movie premiere was like; he'd seen them in Hollywood and Westwood, with the red carpet and the spotlights and the stars arriving in limousines as crowds of fans lined the sidewalk. But, it turned out, the opening of a play was much more subdued. For one thing, all of the stars were in the theater preparing. The only celebrities were those who happened to be in the audience, and Leonard wouldn't have recognized them even if they were there. He went backstage to tell Penny to break a leg, then went outside the theater for a few minutes, waiting for his friends. When they arrived, they took their seats, together in tenth row center Orchestra, and waited.

The performance seemed letter perfect to Leonard. Somehow the actors had upped their game from the last preview he'd seen – perhaps the nervous tension of the opening night gave them some extra drive. At intermission their friends all agreed that the play was riveting, and that Penny was wonderful in it. Of course, their views were strongly biased, but Leonard preferred to believe them.

At the end of the performance, the audience response was terrific. DiCaprio got a standing ovation, and Leonard thought that when each of the three principal female actors took their individual bows, the applause for Penny was loudest of all. At least that's what his ears told him. Their friends confirmed his impression, though – unreliable as that may have been. Penny had warned Leonard that they couldn't all come backstage, so he gave them the location of the cast party and said he'd see them in about half an hour there.

As Leonard went backstage, he got the sense that everyone was enthusiastic and excited about the opening. Penny was in her dressing room with a huge bouquet of roses. Guiltily, Leonard asked "Who are those from?" and silently kicked himself for not thinking of it himself.

"From Diane and George. Isn't that nice?"

"It sure is. I'm sorry you have such a stupid husband. I didn't bring you anything."

"Sweetie, you didn't need to. You've been doing everything for two months and I can't begin to thank you enough." She paused. "Well?"

Leonard shrugged his shoulders. "Oh, I've seen better."

Penny's eyes opened wide, and Leonard laughed.

"I'm kidding. I can't believe how good it was – how good you were. It was spectacular. Amazing. Remarkable. _You_ were spectacular, amazing, remarkable. Seriously, Penny, it was an incredible performance. I've seen, what, a dozen performances up to now and this was the best. By far."

"I hope so," Penny said nervously. "You know, it will probably all depend on the _LA Times_ review."

"What about the other papers?" Leonard asked. "After all, there are plenty of other dailies in Southern California. And what about the weeklies?"

"Sure, those might help. But the _Times_ is the big one. That's the one with national exposure. It's the one that will probably determine whether we have any chance of going to New York."

After Penny dressed, they walked down the block to the Hammer Museum, where the cast party was just getting started in the atrium. As soon as she entered, Penny was mobbed by their friends, who had been waiting for her. Leonard saw with some relief that Howard and Bernadette had thought to bring a beautiful bouquet of flowers. But he searched the room anxiously until he saw the people he was looking for, and motioned for them to come over.

"Mom! Dad! How did you get here?" Penny said, in shock.

"Leonard arranged it all," Wyatt explained. "But we wanted it to be a surprise."

Leonard added, "And I didn't think it was a great idea for you to know they'd be in the audience before the show."

"Probably true," Penny admitted. "Where are you staying? How long are you here for?"

"We're here through the weekend, at a cute little place Leonard got us, over by the beach," her mother said. "It's pretty close to the theater so we can come to all the performances. And he said it was a special place for you two."

"It is…." Penny said, smiling. "So, what did you think?"

"Oh, honey, you were wonderful," her mother said, as her father nodded his head. "The whole play was wonderful. So sad, though."

Wyatt concurred. "But," he added hesitantly, "don't you get cold at the end? Don't you think you should put on some more clothes?"

Penny laughed. "Oh, Daddy, don't be such a prude. It's important; it shows how desperate Maggie is, how close she is to the edge."

The atrium was filling up, and other members of the cast came up to Penny to share their congratulations. Penny introduced her friends to other cast members, to Seth, and to Diane and George once they entered. DiCaprio finally made an entrance, but he was mobbed, and Penny doubted she'd be able to follow through for Raj.

However, Leonard saw a little break in the action around DiCaprio and pulled Raj over. Raj was stiff as a board with nervousness as Leonard waved to DiCaprio and walked up to him, Raj by his side.

"Hi, Leo," Leonard said casually. "That was a fantastic performance. You were wonderful."

"Thanks, Leonard," Leo said, sincerely.

"Leo, I wanted to introduce you to my friend the astrophysicist – the one we were talking about a few weeks ago. He's the guy who sometimes works up in the Mt. Wilson Observatory. Leonardo DiCaprio, Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali."

"A pleasure," DiCaprio said, shaking Raj's hand. "I've always been fascinated by astronomy. I envy you, it must be incredibly interesting."

Raj stammered a bit, but eventually said, "It is. And I agree with Leonard, your performance was awesome." But before conversation could continue, Diane pulled DiCaprio away to talk to some of the media people present.

"I am never washing this hand," Raj said, shaking his head in wonderment as they walked back to the group.

There was an air of nervous tension throughout the next couple of hours, as everyone waited for the _Times_ review to go live. Normally, with the show ending before 10, it would be up by 1 AM, and dozens of those present had their phones at the ready.

A few minutes after 1 AM, Seth clapped his hands and shouted: "It's up and it's a rave!" The crowd roared, as everybody in the room pulled out their phones to read the _Times_ review:

 _DiCaprio stars in After the Fall_

 _New production of controversial Arthur Miller play premieres_

 _By Christopher McMillan_

 _Risk-taking abounded last night at the Westwood Playhouse. Staging Arthur Miller's "After the Fall" is a major risk: the play is often scorned as one of his least impressive offerings. It appears to be – and is usually presented as – a thinly veiled account of Miller's own life, especially his relationships with women. At the center is his stormy marriage to Marilyn Monroe, whom he divorced shortly before her suicide. To be sure, the playwright himself denied it, but most critics and audiences have cringed at Miller's depiction of a helpless, whining, spiteful Monroe._

 _Diane Green took on the risk of staging this controversial play – and the added risk of making this her directorial debut. The accomplished actor has directed several films, but legitimate theater is legitimately different, and not many film directors have made the transition to the stage._

 _An equally risky, and comparable, move was that by the play's leading man, playing Quentin, the Arthur Miller role. The part was taken by Leonardo DiCaprio, who so far as we know last performed live on stage while he was in high school. As with directing, the transition from film to stage is a difficult one, and DiCaprio hardly seems to be in a position in which he needs to take unnecessary risks._

 _The evening's performance all but silenced any doubts about all this risk-taking. The production is a revelation, breathing new and entirely different meaning into the play. The performances, starting with DiCaprio, are outstanding. Overall, what is going on at the Westwood Playhouse will force many of us to reassess our opinion both of Arthur Miller, and of "After the Fall."_

 _Green's direction diverges fundamentally from the usual reading of the play. The typical production depicts Quentin as a competent, confident, success who is beset by women at least two of whom importune, misunderstand, and mistreat him. Here, however, Green and DiCaprio make him a disturbing mixture of arrogance and indifference. He shows an almost complete lack of empathy for the troubled people around him, countering their attempts to reach out to him with remote and even callous appeals to logic and reason._

 _DiCaprio's performance is utterly convincing, and completely believable. Quentin is not evil; he is simply a plodding professional who is oblivious to the suffering his coldness causes. But both the production, and the performance, are so at odds with my memory of the play that I admit to going back to the original script to make sure it hadn't been altered. It hasn't. Green and DiCaprio have simply done what only great directors, and great actors, can do: change completely the way we think about a play._

 _The other performers are excellent. Audrey Briscoe as Louise, Quentin/Miller's first wife, and Sarah Lucas, as Holga, his third, nicely bracket the central focus of the play, Quentin's relationship with Maggie (the Marilyn Monroe character). But one of the great revelations of the evening is the performance of Penelope Hofstadter, a newcomer who invests the part of Maggie with extraordinary depth and breadth._

 _Hofstadter somehow makes Maggie's journey from breathless ingénue to insecure celebrity, and then on to suicidal wreck, seem totally believable – indeed almost inevitable. Her interactions with Quentin at every turn are striking and heartbreaking. The climactic scene of the play, in which Quentin and Maggie square off in their final quarrel, is one of the more emotionally devastating experiences in recent theatrical memory. Hofstadter's Maggie is absolutely riveting, as we watch with horror her desperate attempts to get through to Quentin, and – having failed – her ultimate descent into utter despair and hopelessness. It is a scene that will leave theatergoers emotionally drained._

 _So risk-taking pays off, or at least it has this time. Diane Green had never directed a play; she took on one of the more difficult pieces in modern American theater; she chose Leonardo DiCaprio as the lead, despite the fact that he had never acted professionally on stage; she selected Penelope Hofstadter, a complete unknown, to play the most emotionally and theatrically electric role. And the result of all this risk-taking was what has to be one of the most exciting evenings in Los Angeles theater of the past decade._

The Hammer Museum atrium was completely silent for nearly five minutes, as some 150 people read the review on their phones. There was the occasional gasp or whistle, until finally people started finishing their reading. At which applause began, slowly at first but eventually, as person after person got to the remarkable last paragraph, a thunderous recognition of the director's, and the cast's, achievement. The applause lasted a good five minutes.

Finally it died down, and Diane walked up a half-dozen stairs in the atrium to be able to address the crowd.

"Well, it's just one review," she started. "Let's see what the serious critics have to say."

Amid general laughter, she continued. "I want to thank every member of the cast and crew. This has been a difficult, often harrowing experience. It is, as McMillan says, a tough play. But you are the toughest group of true professionals I've ever worked with. I'm immensely proud of all of you, and I am especially proud that my name is associated with this production. Now go home and get some rest. We have a performance tomorrow night!"

More applause, and after a few more minutes people started to disperse. The little group from Pasadena headed out.

Leonard steered Penny toward a corner of the atrium, away from the crowd.

"How are you feeling?" he asked quietly.

"Numb. Stunned, I guess."

"I knew you were great, Penny. I can't say I was sure that other people would see it, but I knew it. You're such a talent. Such an incredible person. I know I keep saying it, but I've never been so proud of anyone in my life."

Penny's eyes were wet with tears as she hugged Leonard tight. "Sweetie, you've been so great. You've been such an amazing support these past two months. I'm so happy. So happy about the play. And so happy that you're here with me." And she pulled him to her in a passionate kiss that lasted at least a minute.

"Get a room, you two!" boomed out from six feet away, as the couple jumped in shock. George Stein was standing there, laughing at them. But he turned serious quickly.

"Congratulations, Penny. You are a major talent; and now everyone will know it. But you see now that we were right, young lady. And you too, young man. Your lives will never be the same. You'd better start thinking about that. And remember what we told you: we are always available to help out if you ever need it. I'm serious."

Penny and Leonard nodded, and thanked George, as they headed toward the door, in something of a daze. Their friends clustered around them hugging and kissing each other, as they left the museum for their cars. Leonard pulled Penny's parents aside and made plans to pick them up for brunch the next morning, and they headed home.


	15. Reflecting and Expecting

15\. Reflecting and expecting

They picked Penny's parents up the next morning and walked down to Venice Beach, enjoying the sunny day. At Muscle Beach, Penny and her mother watched the body-builders, wide-eyed, as Wyatt and Leonard looked on, a little uneasily. Penny noticed, and laughed. "Don't worry, Leonard. These guys are impressive, but frankly they're a little grotesque. I love you just the way you are."

Eventually they sat at a café outdoors for a late breakfast. Penny's parents were still gushing about the play. "Your mother bought ten copies of the _LA Times_ to bring home," her father said. "We want to show everybody back there how our little girl has taken the big city by storm."

Penny laughed. "You know, they've got this thing called the Internet. You didn't need to buy all those papers."

Leonard interrupted. "Don't listen to her. We just bought three copies of the paper ourselves. There's something different about seeing it in print."

Penny went on. "Mom, Dad, this has been an incredible couple of months. But Leonard and I have something pretty exciting to tell you."

"More exciting than the play?" her mother asked. But Leonard could tell from her tone that she already had her suspicions.

"Absolutely," Penny said. "I'm expecting!"

Her parents clapped their hands and congratulated the couple profusely. But Leonard noted that her father was more subdued than usual, looking down at his plate. He was confused.

Penny wasn't. "Daddy, are you crying?" she said gently. Wyatt shook his head, but her mother broke in.

"Sure he is. He tries to be a tough guy, but he's really just a softie. And you know, he hasn't stopped talking about you two since he got back from LA that time."

"You mean the time I made Leonard pretend to be my boyfriend?" Penny said, as she felt a pang of guilt.

Wyatt finally looked up and nodded. "Yep. I was so worried about you, darling. I felt like you'd found the right guy for you, and I was terrified that you were going to let him get away."

"Well, I didn't," Penny said. "But why were you so big on Leonard? I mean, not that I disagree, I'm just curious."

Her father thought a bit. "I guess because I felt that he was what you needed. That he could do for you what your mother did for me."

"What was that?" Penny asked. This was a side of her parents she had never seen.

"Get me to settle down. To take life seriously. To know what it means to be an adult, to be a father, to be responsible. And to be happy – happy and grown up, not happy like a teenager. I wanted you to get there, and Leonard seemed like the kind of guy to get there with you. So I was really upset that you weren't together. But I figured there wasn't much I could do about it."

Penny was quiet, but Leonard spoke softly. "You did plenty, sir. You told me not to give up on her. And that was important to me. That Penny's own father believed we should be together. It gave me hope."

Penny looked back and forth at her father and her husband. "You told Leonard not to give up on me?" she asked.

Wyatt looked guilty. "Sorry, Slugger. I was just trying to look out for you."

Penny turned to Leonard. "And you. What did you mean when you said it was important to you?"

Leonard looked like a deer in the headlights. "I, uh…."

Penny smiled and put her hand on his. "I'm not angry, sweetie, I'm just curious. This is the first I've heard of this."

"Well," Leonard started, looking at Penny's parents, "I was pretty devastated when you broke up with me. It sort of did a number on my self-confidence, I guess. Like that I wasn't good enough for you. But the fact that your father liked me…well, that meant a lot to me."

Penny looked at her husband and squeezed his hand harder. She shook her head, a little sadly. "The more we talk about things like this, the more I realize how I've screwed up."

Penny's mother leaned across the table. "They like to think they're tough as nails, dear, but really they're big babies. They need lots of loving, lots of compliments, lots of pampering, else they get sad. It's a chore, sometimes. But in the long run, it's worth it," she finished, patting her husband on the arm.

Leonard and Wyatt looked at each other, embarrassed. Penny laughed delightedly. Her father cleared his throat and changed the subject.

"You aren't thinking of staying in that little apartment, are you? It's way too small for three people."

Leonard and Penny looked at each other. "You're right, Daddy," Penny said. "We've been thinking about getting a bigger place. Maybe even a house. But real estate prices are crazy out here. And things are good for me now, but we can't know how my career will develop. So we're not really sure what we can afford."

Now it was time for the parents to eye each other. Wyatt spoke first. "Why don't you let us help you out? We're doing just fine, and we've got plenty saved up. Your sister's all set, and your brother seems to have finally straightened his life out, steady job and all. So let us help you with a down payment. You know, the bigger the down payment, the smaller the mortgage payments."

"That's amazing of you, guys." Penny said, choking up a little. "We hope we won't need help, but if we do I promise we'll tell you."

Penny's parents stayed through the weekend, seeing the Friday and Saturday evening shows, and the Saturday matinée, too. Leonard spent a fair amount of time with them, showing them bits and pieces of Los Angeles between performances. All too soon they were headed back to Nebraska.

Leonard waited until they had left Sunday afternoon to bring up something. He sat Penny down on the couch. "There's something I want to tell you."

"Yes?" She looked at him, between curiosity and concern.

"That conversation with your parents at that cafe on the beach brought up some pretty bitter memories."

Penny gritted her teeth. She thought she knew what was coming.

"When you broke up with me, it really hurt. Like, more than I've ever been hurt, I think. And I understand that you weren't ready for that kind of a relationship, maybe. But I still think the way you dealt with it was wrong. You never explained yourself to me. You never even tried. I spent weeks, maybe months, agonizing over what happened. I'm still not entirely sure. Did you love me then but not know it? Did you not love me? Did you ever regret what happened?"

Penny looked at him, miserable. "Sweetie, you're right, I know. I realized it when we were talking with my parents. And I should have said something afterwards. I know how much I hurt you now. I guess I knew it then, too. But I couldn't bring myself to try to explain, it was too painful. Plus, I was confused, myself. You know, though, this is an example of what I was saying to Dr. Gallo. Why didn't you bring this up then? Or anytime since then? That was, what, seven years ago? Why do you have to keep things like this simmering inside? It only makes matters worse."

Leonard shook his head. "Well, better late than never. And we've been talking about things like this with Dr. Gallo, so I thought it was time to raise it with you directly." He paused. "I don't know why I didn't say anything until now. Some things are easy for me to talk about. But others are maybe just too dangerous." He thought for a bit. "I think I was afraid to ask you more about why you broke up with me because I might have heard something I didn't want to hear, like that you didn't love me. I guess I still worry about that."

Penny was startled. "Really? I figured you knew."

Leonard looked askance at her. "How could I possibly have known?"

Penny sighed. "Exhibit number 243 in Dr. Gallo's court. You didn't tell me that this worried you; I didn't tell you how I really felt. Well, I'm telling you now. I loved you then. I knew I loved you. And it scared the hell out of me. Maybe I loved you _too_ much, more than I ever had anyone. And I didn't know how to figure out whether I was ready for what it implied."

"What did it imply?"

"A lifetime, Leonard, a lifetime. What I felt for you was that I never wanted to be apart from you. Couldn't you tell? After we broke up, I hung around all the time. I was furious when Priya tried to keep you away from me. But at least that helped me understand my feelings a little."

"If you understood them so well, why did _I_ have to ask _you_ out after Priya and I broke up?"

Penny looked at him. "Boy, we have a lot of talking we haven't done, don't we? Leonard, if there's somebody across the hall that you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you break up with him and break his heart because you're afraid, and he moves on to other women, you don't just go and throw yourself at him when he's between girlfriends."

"Why not?" Leonard asked, sincerely.

"Because," Penny said softly, "he might turn you down. He might decide that being hurt once was enough. And then you'd know that the terrible mistake you made was forever, and that there was no going back. At least if I waited for you to make a move, I could be sure that you wanted me. And we could get a re-do, and do it right this time."

Leonard nodded, thoughtfully. "Wow. You're right. We have a lot of talking we haven't done."

She leaned over and kissed him. "But now we have a lifetime to do it."

As Penny settled into the routine of seven shows a week, reviews from the other California press rolled in. They were uniformly positive. Admiration for DiCaprio was universal, with most observers remarking on his ability to humanize a disagreeable character, and make him entirely believable. Virtually every review mentioned Penny, always favorably. Some were positively glowing. And Leonard saw her performance deepen as the run went on. She was growing and maturing as an actor. And it even seemed that her success was making her more serious and mature as a person, too.

The couple continued to see Dr. Gallo when they could. They tried to keep up what they now called the Wolowitz Ritual, of checking in with each other every evening, and it truly seemed to help. And they worked diligently on their homework, with Penny telling Leonard how she felt about him and Leonard responding. Penny sometimes wondered at how well things were going.

* * *

One Sunday evening, a couple of weeks after the play had opened, the group was gathered together, chatting animatedly. Leonard was across the room, and happened to look up at Penny. He immediately saw that something was wrong. He walked quickly to her side.

"What's the matter? You look pale."

"I don't know," Penny said helplessly. "I feel faint. I think I should go back to the apartment." The group fell silent as Leonard quickly led Penny across the hall.

They had barely gotten into their apartment when Penny turned to Leonard. "I'm going to be sick."

They rushed to the bathroom just in time for Penny to throw up in the sink. Leonard held her as she retched repeatedly. Finally she sat, exhausted, on the bathroom floor while Leonard cleaned up. He got her into bed just as they heard a knock on the door.

Leonard went to answer it, finding Bernadette standing there. "Let me guess," she said. "Morning sickness, my ass. Like I told her, I was sick just about any time of day."

Leonard smiled and let her in. He called back "Honey, Bernadette's here. Up to seeing her?"

Penny assented weakly, and Bernadette walked back to the bedroom. She sat on the bed and spent a half hour giving Penny some hints about how to minimize the damage.

"I hope I can keep it under control," Penny said later to Leonard, worried. "Especially since it doesn't seem like my morning sickness knows what time it is. I was hoping it _would_ be in the morning; that way it wouldn't interfere with the show. But if I'm going to be like this in the evening, I can't imagine going on."

It turned out that most of Penny's upset was in fact in the morning, and Bernadette's tips helped control the nausea. Meanwhile, the doctor confirmed that all was on track with the pregnancy. The couple agreed that they didn't want to know the sex of the baby, so that remained a secret both to them and their friends. And Penny decided she didn't want the other members of the cast to know about the pregnancy until after the first trimester, so she asked Diane and George to keep it to themselves.

About ten days after the first episode, as the cast prepared for the Wednesday matinee, Penny suddenly felt the telltale signs coming on. She rushed to the bathroom and was there for at least twenty minutes, holding tight to the toilet and feeling very weak. Eventually she heard the door open, and she tried to get up so that she could at least pretend to be using the stall for its normal intended purpose. She saw two feet standing in front of the stall.

"Be out in a minute!" she said, with as much strength as she could muster.

"Penny," the two feet's owner said with a warning tone – warning, in a sort of motherly way. Penny sighed, recognizing Diane's voice. "You're sick. And I know why. Open the door."

Penny opened the stall door and looked down guiltily. "I'm sorry, Diane. How long until curtain?"

"A bit under an hour. I already told Jenny to get ready. I walked in here ten minutes ago; you were too busy throwing up to notice."

Penny felt like she was going to cry. Diane walked into the stall and put her hand on Penny's head.

"Dear, it's normal. It's part of being pregnant. It will pass! I'm sure you'll be fine to go on tonight."

"But up until now it's been predictable," Penny said through the beginning of tears. "Only in the morning. If I'm going to get sick at any time, how can I keep this up?"

Diane patted her on the head. "Look, we'll figure it out. It's more important for you to get some rest so you feel better. I have to go, but why don't you lie down in your dressing room and regain your strength?"

Penny walked dejectedly to her dressing room. She heard the sounds of the play starting and the tears began to flow. It felt as though all she had been working for, something she wanted so much, was in danger. In danger because of something else she had been working for, something else she wanted so much. She resisted for a half hour, but then had to call Leonard.

"Hey, what's up?" came the cheerful voice. "Intermission?"

"No, Leonard, I couldn't go on."

"Oh my God, are you all right?" The concern in his voice was palpable; it made Penny smile just to know how worried he was.

"I'm fine, it's just morning sickness. In the afternoon. Leonard, what am I going to do? They can't keep me in the cast if I spend the next month not knowing if I can go on or not. And what if I get sick in the middle of a performance?"

"Penny, stay right there, I'll be there as soon as I can. We're going to find a way to deal with this."

"OK, Leonard. Thank you for coming. I really need somebody to hold me now."

"Just hang in there. We're going to work it out."

Leonard hung up the phone, grabbed his jacket and sprinted to his car. As he started the drive to Westwood, he racked his brain for ideas. Bernadette might have some, he thought. He called her cell.

"Bernadette, it's Leonard."

"Leonard, is everything all right? Is Howie all right?"

"Yes, yes, everything's fine. Well, not everything, but it's Penny, not Howie. Her morning sickness is starting to interfere with the show, and we're really worried. Things were going so well, but if she's going to be sick a lot they may not be able to keep her in the cast."

There was a long pause. "Leonard, let me look into some things. The company has been working on a drug for morning sickness. They say it's very effective. It's been up for FDA approval but I don't know if that's come through. Even if it hasn't, I might be able to get a trial dosage. Let me call you back when I find something out."

"Thank you so much, Bernadette. Penny is really upset and I don't know what else to do."

When Leonard arrived backstage at the Playhouse, the matinee was nearly over. He rushed to Penny's dressing room and let himself in. She was sleeping on the small couch there, looking small and weak. He sat in the chair, waiting for her to wake up.

She must have sensed his presence, because her eyes opened just a minute later. "Leonard, you're here," she said, and smiled broadly. He went to her and held her tight while she cried softly into his chest.

"What am I going to do? This was supposed to be my big break. So now one great thing is ruining another great thing." She looked stricken. "Oh my God, I can't believe I even said that the baby was ruining something, I'm a terrible mother," and she began crying more seriously.

Leonard held her tightly, assuring her that it would work out. "Listen, I spoke to Bernadette. She says there might be a new drug that works really well against morning sickness. She's checking it out for you."

Penny looked up, hopeful. "That would be great."

Just then there was a knock on the door. "Penny?" came the voice. Penny whispered to Leonard, "Diane."

"Come in, Diane."

Diane walked in, looking unsurprised to see Leonard there. "How are you feeling?" she said, with genuine sympathy.

"Much better, Diane. At least physically. Mentally, I'm pretty upset. I really didn't want this pregnancy to interfere with the show in any way. And I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen."

Diane pursed her lips. "I understand. But, you know, I've gone through this three times, and it can be really debilitating. You said it's been predictable, in the morning, up until now. But have you been sick a lot?"

Penny shrugged. "I don't know, what's a lot? Maybe what, two or three times a week? Right, Leonard?"

Leonard nodded. "And except for today it's always been in the morning. Usually right when she wakes up. Actually, it's usually what wakes her up. Maybe," he said, with a look that Penny recognized as what she called his "scientist face," "maybe we should see what was different about yesterday and today. Diet, exercise, something else."

Diane nodded. "Can you go on tonight, Penny?"

"Oh, sure!" Penny said. "I feel fine now. I've been upset, but physically I feel normal."

"All right," Diane said, thinking. "But we're going to have to see how your condition develops. You understand, I'm sure, Penny."

Penny nodded, but Leonard could see the fear in her eyes. "I do. I guess all I can do is hope for the best."

Diane left, and Penny again went into Leonard's arms, looking for comfort. Leonard tried his best, but he realized there was little he could say to reassure his wife – little that she would believe, anyway.

Penny went on that evening, and the next. On Friday, Bernadette called Leonard at work.

"Leonard, I have great news. The drug I was telling you about, Diclegis, got FDA approval last month. And the guys in the lab say it's really effective. I'll bring by a supply tonight."

Diclegis proved to reduce Penny's nausea dramatically, so that at most she suffered some vague queasiness from time to time. Within a week, she felt she could tell Diane with confidence that the problems were past. She also agreed to let her tell the cast and crew that she was pregnant, in part to explain her sudden disappearance from the matinee. Everyone was positive and supportive, nobody more than DiCaprio – who threw his arms around an embarrassed Leonard the next time he saw him backstage.

* * *

One Sunday morning as the couple lazed around the apartment, Penny brought up something she'd been resisting mentioning.

"George and Diane took a few of us aside last week and told us that they're going to pursue the New York possibility. It will take a while to see if it's feasible, but I thought you should know. Listen, Leonard, I know we talked about this, but we can reconsider."

"Really? Why?"

Penny hesitated. "This morning sickness thing gave me a scare. If you hadn't found out about that drug, I might have had to leave the cast. And I want to be a good mother. A great mother. I mean, I want to pursue acting, but it may not be so realistic to go to New York for six months with a baby. And who knows whether it's really practical for you to leave work for six months – or even more. If you want us to say we can't do it, I'll understand. I think my relationship with Diane and George is good enough that they won't hold me to the contract. After all, DiCaprio is the big draw, not me. And the reviews of my work have been strong enough to get me started; we don't have to go. We could wait, say, until the baby is a year old, and then I could start up again."

"I don't think that's really necessary," Leonard said. "There are ways to deal with having a career and having a family. I think we should plan on doing it, and on my coming with. You can't pass up a chance at Broadway. Plus, I have a little news for you. With the reviews the show has been getting, I figured New York was a possibility. So I've been doing some research of my own."

"On what?" Penny asked, curious.

"On the options there. First, the Institute will let me take unpaid leave for up to a year, no problem. Then, I've been in touch with people at Columbia, NYU, and Rockefeller University. I think Rock U is probably the best bet. The guy who hired me at Caltech is there now. They've got a good physics group but they're a little weak in my field, so he seemed interested in my coming to visit for six months, or even longer. So we're covered."

Penny hugged Leonard close. "Is there anything you don't think of? But I'm still worried. A baby is a big responsibility – and so is a Broadway show. I'm still not confident I can handle it."

Leonard pulled away a little. "I'm sure you'll be able to. And I'll be there, you're not alone! But I have to say that there is one thing I'm still worried about: a house. I've been looking online and the prices are insane. I hate to think we might need to take your parents up on their offer."

Penny nodded. "I know. But, sweetie, they really meant that offer. I know them. They'd be happy to help us, if we need it. And the more I think about the baby and our future, the more desperate I am for us to get a place that's big enough for a family of three. Maybe four?"

Leonard smiled. "Wonderful. I guess I'll just keep looking around to see if there's an area near here we can afford."

Penny looked thoughtful. "We have to talk to Amy and Sheldon. I'm sure they know what's coming, but we have to let him down easy. That's on you, buddy."

Leonard grimaced "Always getting me to do the dirty work, eh?"

Penny glared at him. "Who's the one having this baby, anyway? And I would have thought that a little bit of dirty work was a small price to pay for all this morning delight. Or maybe we can forget about both the dirty work and the morning delight?"

Leonard feigned horror. "I'll deal with Sheldon right away!"


	16. Signs of The Times

16\. Signs of the Times

"Uh, oh," Leonard heard from the closet. It was a Thursday morning and they were getting ready to head out for the theater and work. He walked toward the closet, curious.

"What's the matter?"

"These jeans don't really fit," Penny said, grimacing.

Leonard smiled. "Take them off, I want to see."

Penny pulled off the jeans – there was no way she was going to wear them, anyhow – and looked at Leonard for sympathy. Instead, he crouched down, examining her mid-section. His smile broadened, as he leaned in and kissed her belly. "Hello, in there."

"Can you really tell?"

"Sort of. It looks similar to your menstrual bloat." Penny rolled her eyes. Sometimes his clinical scientific objectivity was a bit much; she expected him to show some hint of embarrassment talking about such things, but he didn't. On the other hand, she thought, he was right; it did feel like that time of the month, and that meant she was prepared with a selection of sweatpants and looser skirts. As she drifted into thought about this, she saw that Leonard had gone across the room and was looking at his phone.

"Twelve weeks, right on schedule."

"Let me look at myself," she said, headed toward the full-length mirror. She turned sideways and smiled. Leonard was right about the appearance.

Penny sighed, while Leonard looked perplexed. "What's the matter? I think it's adorable!"

"Maybe. But it means I'll have to talk to Costume. They're going to have to let everything out."

Leonard nodded, then laughed a little. "I'd like to see them let that negligee out any more than it already is."

"Well, except for that," she smiled. "Boy, I didn't expect this so soon. What happens next, according to your phone?"

Leonard looked some more. "It says the increase will be very slow at this point, for the next couple of months."

Penny thought. "That's good. Another eight weeks or so left in the show. I guess that will work. I'd better tell Diane, though. Just so she's up to date. I don't want her to hear it from the costume people."

* * *

The next Tuesday evening after the performance, Diane pulled Penny aside. "I didn't want to tell you before the show, but just so you know: a _Times_ critic was here tonight."

"They already reviewed it when it opened. Why would they review it again?" Penny asked.

Diane smiled. "Not the _LA Times_ ; the _New York Times_. It was Bernard Bradley, their principal theater critic. I think there might be an out-of-town review this week. If so, it will really help us get the show to Broadway."

Diane was right. Thursday the _Times_ – the _New York Times_ – ran a review by Bradley.

 _Letter from Los Angeles_

 _Falling Hard in Westwood: Miller Remade on the West Coast_

 _By Bernard Bradley_

 _For the past month, the Los Angeles theater community has been abuzz with discussions of a new production of Arthur Miller's "After the Fall" at the Westwood Playhouse. The revival is directed by noted film actor and director Diane Green, and is her first attempt at a stage play. But more attention has been paid to the male lead, Leonardo DiCaprio, in what appears to be his first appearance on the stage._

" _After the Fall" has long been a controversial play. It is probably no accident that despite the flurry of Miller revivals last year, in honor of what would have been his 100_ _th_ _birthday, this was not one of them. The play is generally seen as a barely disguised pastiche of Miller's own relations with women, in particular with Marilyn Monroe. And the standard view has been that the result is a mean-spirited denigration of a woman who, after all, had divorced Miller and committed suicide at the time the play was written. In addition, the action – such as it is – takes place entirely in the mind of the protagonist, Quentin, jumping around through time and space in ways that have often confused audiences._

 _Ms. Green's version amounts to a fundamental reconceptualization of the play. She envisages Quentin as an insecure narcissist who uses women to stoke his outsized ego. The female characters are, each in their own way, also troubled, but if anything they are more his victims than the source of his problems._

 _Ironically, this production may be closer to Miller's original intent than the usual version. Miller always vehemently objected to regarding the play as autobiographical, and especially insisted that the leading female role was not meant to be a version of Marilyn Monroe. Recent scholarship has tended to reinforce this view, although it remains an open question._

 _Whatever the intent of the author, this production is a terrifically exciting experience. Ms. Green's re-imagining of the play adds depth and color to it, and forces us to reassess a work that many had regarded as decidedly inferior. The new production is both intellectually challenging and emotionally moving, and is one more indication of the extraordinary power and significance of Miller's work._

 _However, the Los Angeles hubbub is not primarily about the nature of the production, although this certainly deserves attention. The male lead, Quentin, is played by Mr. DiCaprio, widely regarded as Hollywood's most bankable star. Many in the industry have openly doubted the wisdom of Mr. DiCaprio's decision to forego six months of a busy and lucrative movie schedule to take on a questionable role in a troubled drama at a smallish theater in west Los Angeles. But Mr. DiCaprio is nothing if not unpredictable; or rather, predictable in his willingness to seek out new challenges. And this is a formidable challenge._

 _It will not surprise those who know Mr. DiCaprio's prodigious and impressive film repertoire that he is stunning in this production. And he is stunning in precisely the way of a great actor: fully realizing the intent of the director. To bring us Quentin as the deeply defective character of Ms. Green's conception, Mr. DiCaprio has to submerge any hint of ego or pride. He does so with remarkable skill, leaving us with a central male character so real that the audience finds itself cursing him silently for his callowness, while pitying his humanity. One senses that Quentin believes he is displaying suave sang-froid, when in fact he is simply tactless and unfeeling. Unfeeling, yes, but deeply human. The performance is remarkable, and especially remarkable in the way it fits with the rest of the cast._

 _For while Quentin is central to the play, in many ways this is an ensemble piece. Quentin's character is shown almost entirely in his interactions with others, especially the three women in his life. And these three women are all presented in vivid detail. Again, Ms. Green's production and the performances upend our expectations. Quentin's first wife, Louise, played here by Audrey Briscoe, is much more sympathetic than usual. In contrast, his third wife, the German refugee Holga, ably represented by Sarah Lucas, is far less appealing than usual. But the most stunning reversal is that of Maggie, the character typically identified with Marilyn Monroe._

 _Here the revelations are two-fold. First is the representation of Maggie. She begins as a guileless innocent. Over time, with her success, she matures, but remains a vulnerable young woman – and, eventually, susceptible to Quentin's machinations. By the end of the play, she has come undone, increasingly distraught as her husband plows his way through the thicket of her emotional distress. Here, unlike in most previous productions, Maggie is a three-dimensional character whose weaknesses are picked on, and picked apart, by a husband who cannot be troubled to figure out how to help her._

 _The second revelation is the performance of Penelope Hofstadter as Maggie. This is Ms. Hofstadter's debut on the Los Angeles stage. And what a debut it is! Her Maggie is one of the more unforgettable characters of modern drama. Ms. Hofstadter brings Maggie from youthful exuberance to suicidal desperation without ever appearing labored or overwrought. It is an extraordinary achievement, and a remarkable debut._

 _The three principal elements of this production are on magnificent display in the culminating scene, in which Quentin and Maggie finally confront each other, and each other's failings. Ms. Green's vision of the two characters, and Mr. DiCaprio's and Ms. Hofstadter's realization of this vision, come together unforgettably. As imagined and performed here, this fifteen minutes is perhaps the most riveting two-handed scene of modern American theater. When it ends, one senses the entire audience sit back, spent, having watched two lives collapse before their eyes._

 _There are persistent rumors that the production may come to New York. Certainly Ms. Green and her producer/husband, George Stein, have the ability to launch a Broadway show. And if Mr. DiCaprio wants to try his hand on the Great White Way, there is probably no better vehicle for him to do so. Audiences in New York can certainly hope that the stars align to make it so._

Given the time difference, the review became available just as the Wednesday evening performance was ending. As actor after actor came backstage and read it, silence descended. Diane walked around among the players, congratulating them all. She got to Penny, hugged her warmly, and whispered, "You'd better start thinking about New York, dear."

Ironically, this was a rare performance that Leonard had missed due to work. Penny immediately called him and texted him the reference to the review. As she rode home in the Town Car, her phone was flooded with congratulations from their friends as Leonard made sure everybody saw the piece.

Leonard was waiting for her on the sidewalk when the car drove up. He hugged her tightly and they practically ran upstairs. He sat her down and read the review to her, dramatically, so that it could really sink in. And he re-read the crucial phrases: "What a debut it is…one of the more unforgettable characters of modern drama…an extraordinary achievement, and a remarkable debut."

The couple hardly knew what to do with themselves. Leonard was far more excited than Penny, though, and eventually Penny pulled him down to the couch.

"Sweetie, sit down. Relax. You're going to give yourself an asthma attack."

"But Penny, it's amazing. It's awesome. Everything George and Diane said came true."

Penny continued to calm him down. Finally, she held his face in her hands, and looked at him very seriously. "Leonard, you're right. It all came true. But remember what they said. Our lives will never be the same. We have to be ready for that. There's a lot going on. The show, this review, the baby, New York. Remember what they said: we have to protect ourselves."

Leonard was calmer now. "Right. I think maybe we should go see the publicist tomorrow, or sometime soon."

"I have a better idea," Penny said. She had thought this through in the car. "You go see him and see what he suggests. I have to perform, and I don't want to overdo things – after all, at this point I do have to start worrying about the baby. But I trust you to work out what we're going to do about all this. I want you to be my representative in dealing with him. That is," she said, somewhat guiltily, "if you can afford to take a little time off work for it."

Leonard was quiet, and very serious. "Of course I can. This is the start of a new life for us. That's a big responsibility, especially since I don't really know the business. But it's important for us. I'll learn what I can, and we'll figure it out together."

Penny caressed his cheek. "Of course, we'll figure it out together. We always figure things out together, don't we? And we always will."

* * *

At times, Leonard was able to step back from the extraordinary excitement of all that was happening and reflect. And when he did, what struck him most was how much Penny had changed, in just a few months. The play had matured her with extraordinary speed, he decided. Perhaps it was a job that took all her energy, and one she loved rather than hated; perhaps it was working with serious professionals of many different ages; perhaps it was the mentorship of Diane; perhaps it was the recognition that they had entered a new phase of their lives. Whatever it was, she was more centered, more serious, more thoughtful. And, he noted in particular, she was now actively putting energy into their relationship, whether with Dr. Gallo and their "homework," or with the book.

And this in turn, he felt, meant that he had to up his game. He tried to be more serious and more thoughtful. He realized that being a good partner was not just about being supportive, but also about being a full participant in decisions that would affect them both. He took very seriously the task Penny had delegated to him, dealing with the publicist, reading everything he could get his hands on about the film and theater industry. He left relations with the agent to Penny, as that had to do with much more specialized matters involving scripts, characters, and roles. Leonard was happy to be involved, although at times he did feel that he was neglecting his primary professional responsibilities to the advancement of science – and of his academic career.

The issue was joined one Friday morning as they prepared to head off to their respective workplaces and Leonard promised to see her after the show. Penny hesitated, then led him to the couch.

"Sweetie, don't take this the wrong way. But you have to stop coming to every performance."

Leonard protested, "I don't come to every one!"

Penny shook her head. "OK, you don't come to matinees, and sometimes you miss evenings. But you come to too many. Hey, Bernadette and I talk. I know you're stressed out at work because you think you're falling behind. And I see you sneak out of bed to work at night sometimes."

"But I love seeing them!" he pouted. "Don't you want me there? And what about our rides home? Those are great, I love them." He looked downhearted. "I was just trying to be a loyal husband."

"You are, Leonard, you're the best husband ever. And I love those car rides," Penny admitted. "I'll really miss them. They're the highlight of my day. But you have to take care of your own life; you do really important work and you can't neglect it." But Leonard was right: those car rides were important to her, too: the couple got to talk over the day's events, she got to come down from the high of performing. They got to see each other so little, that hour meant a lot. What to do?

"I have an idea," she said. "Why don't I call you from the car service on the way home? I mean, it won't be the same, but at least we can catch up. And seriously, honey, you have to stop this business of ignoring yourself on my behalf. That's not sustainable, and soon you'll start resenting me."

Leonard had to admit that he was worried about work, and tired a lot. So they started a trial run for a week. On matinee days, they decided, he would come in for the evening performance and he could drive her home. Otherwise, she took the car service and called him. After a few days they had settled into the routine: he'd expect a call around 10.15, and they'd talk until she arrived.

"I'm really liking this," he had to admit on the phone one evening toward the end of that week. "And it sort of makes me that much more excited for you to get home."

"Excited how, exactly?"

"Just excited. OK, that way too."

"So how about a little phone sex?"

"Sure!" Leonard called her bluff. "Hey, baby, what are you wearing?" he said, provocatively.

"What?" Penny sputtered, then whispered, "You want the driver to have a heart attack? Or an accident? We'll take care of it when I get home."


	17. Trouble in Paradise

17\. Trouble in Paradise

The following Sunday's group get-together was particularly raucous. The couple's friends were beside themselves with happiness for the show's extraordinary success. But the proceedings were dampened a little by Sheldon's somewhat somber mood. Leonard had, after all, spent much of the previous couple of weeks gradually trying to get him used to the fact that the couple was going to be moving away. And although Sheldon seemed to understand and accept – especially when Amy pointed out to him, again and again, that he had no choice – he was not happy about it.

But overall, life was good. Amazing, actually. Leonard had spent several hours with Penny's publicist, making clear what their priorities were and how important protecting her, and the baby, was to both of them. As a result, Penny had done only a few interviews, but with major outlets. The interviews had been very positive, and her agent was starting to get flooded with requests. Penny had instructed her to put everything on hold until the future was clearer, and so the requests remained just that. Perhaps more exciting, Penny had done a couple of late-night talk shows. Apart from the inherent interest, this meant that her parents in Nebraska – and all their friends and family – had seen her on the little screen. Leonard had lost track of the number of phone calls Penny had gotten from her family telling her of the latest sighting of some mention of her. As Leonard pointed out, what else could be expected when a family found itself with a rising star?

Into all this star power and sunlight, some rain soon fell. The problem emails began to arrive about a week after the _New York Times_ review. Penny had, as recommended, set up a new email account that only close friends and colleagues had, so she rarely got anything other than personal and professional messages of interest. But now, about once a day, she was getting nasty messages from an anonymized account. The first few simply criticized her performances, in a particularly crude way. Then a few more suggested, and eventually charged, that she had gotten the part in _After the Fall_ by sleeping with the producer. Penny found it easy simply to ignore these.

After a week of these annoyances, however, they got more serious. A couple of messages directed at her personally accused her of carrying on an affair with DiCaprio. Again, Penny thought little of them – until similar rumors appeared in one of the industry scandal sheets. The email forwarded the link to her with the subject line "now everybody knows, slut."

Penny showed this to Leonard, who encouraged her just to ignore it. After all, George and Diane had expressly predicted these sorts of scurrilous accusations. But the emails continued. Now they charged that her pregnancy was causing problems with her performance, and friction with the cast and director. And, again, the same charges appeared in another local gossip publication.

At this point, Penny felt obliged to talk to Diane – at least to make sure there was no truth to the rumors. Diane read the emails, shook her head sadly, and simply told Penny that they were absurd and she should ignore them.

"Penny, we are very happy with your performance, and the entire cast thinks you're charming. I have heard nothing but compliments about you. What's a little worrisome is why somebody is going out of his way to try to annoy or upset you. But I think the best way to deal with it is to ignore the whole thing and just continue doing what you've been doing so well."

Penny agreed, and carried on. For in fact the show seemed to be doing extraordinarily well. The run was now fully sold out. There was pressure to extend it, but Diane made it clear to all that this was impossible: DiCaprio had unbreakable commitments, as did Diane herself, and they would not move forward without the lead and the director. In any case, as Diane confided to Penny and the other principal actors, the prospects for a Broadway production within a year's time were good, and extending the run would only prolong the process of trying to secure backing for Broadway.

The following week, however, things got more serious. On a Tuesday morning, Penny received an email with no subject line and no text. Attached was a photograph of Leonard with a gorgeous woman whom Penny recognized as Tatiana Linkova, the town's current "it" girl. They were in each other's arms, with Linkova and Leonard looking at each other in a decidedly suggestive manner. Penny was stunned. She did not mention it to Leonard as she tried to work through her reaction. At the theater, Diane noted her subdued, almost depressed, mood, and asked if everything was all right. She assured her it was, but she brooded over the picture all day.

The next morning was Wednesday. Leonard left for work early, as always on matinee days, and Penny got ready to leave soon after. She opened her email and this time found a link to a medium-sized _LA Times_ article, from the People section. It had a smaller copy of the picture she had been sent, with a short story underneath: "Glamor girl around town Tatiana Linkova seems to have found a new beau. He's Leonard Hofstadter, a Caltech scientist. Good for her; but one has to wonder what Hofstadter's wife, Penelope, currently starring with Leonardo DiCaprio in _After the Fall,_ thinks of it all. Perhaps it simply confirms the long-standing rumor that Ms. Hofstadter has been stepping out with her co-star Leo. Divorce lawyers take note!"

Penny was devastated. She sat for at least an hour on the couch trying to figure out what to do. Finally she decided that she had to confront Leonard. But she couldn't see doing the matinee, so she called in sick to Diane and asked her to have the understudy cover for her that afternoon. She promised to make it in for the evening performance.

Then Penny drove to Caltech to talk to Leonard. This was not something to do by phone or text. However, there was nobody in his lab. She walked down to Howard's lab, and Howard told her that he hadn't seen Leonard all day. Penny was getting more and more suspicious, even distraught. She sat in her car for another half hour, then headed back home to think some more. Around 3 PM, as she sat on the couch deep in thought, and deeply disturbed, Leonard walked in.

He looked at her in shock. "Don't you have a performance? What are you doing here?"

Penny looked back at him. "I could ask you the same question. Why aren't you at work?"

"I had some errands to run," he answered, evasively.

"What errands?" she demanded, harshly.

"Hey! What's that about? Anyway, I'd rather not say. Especially if you're going to talk to me like that."

Penny eyes blazed. "You'd better say, or else."

Leonard cringed, then finally sighed. "Oh, all right. If you must know, I was out with a real estate broker looking at houses. I wanted to spare you the details until I had a few more places to look at seriously. Now can you tell me why you're giving me such a hard time?"

Penny looked at him. He was looking for houses for them? This made no sense at all. She slumped into the couch, shaking her head.

"Leonard, we need to talk," Penny said seriously.

Leonard opened his eyes wide. "Oh. OK." And he sat down next to her.

Penny pulled up the _Times_ article and photograph on her tablet and showed them to Leonard. "Can you explain this?"

Leonard looked at the article and photograph and, if anything, his eyes opened even wider. He stammered, "No, I can't. I have no idea who this person is. I've never seen her, so far as I know."

Penny tried to restrain herself. "Leonard, I'm not an idiot. Look at the picture. You've obviously been with her, and frankly it doesn't look particularly innocent."

Leonard sat back on the couch and rubbed his temples. He picked up the tablet and studied it some more. "This has to be a fake."

Penny snorted. "The _Times_ is a reputable publication, not some fly-by-night scandal sheet. They fact-check. You'll have to do better than that."

Leonard ran his fingers through his hair. "Penny, I don't know this woman. I've never seen her before in my life. And you say the _Times_ is reputable, but they're repeating that rumor about you and DiCaprio."

Penny paused and thought, hard. Her mind was in turmoil. On the one hand, she trusted Leonard, and he was right about the DiCaprio rumor. On the other hand, the photograph was iron-clad, incriminating, evidence. She decided to at least give Leonard the benefit of the doubt. So she sat up straight and looked at him.

"Leonard, I want you to sit here, look me in the eyes, and promise me that you do not know this woman."

Leonard immediately sat up, moved within a foot of Penny, looked her directly in the eyes, and said, "I swear to you that I do not know her. As far as I know I've never met her. And I certainly am not carrying on some sort of affair with her."

Penny thought for a moment. "I believe you. But we have to figure out what this is all about."

Leonard rubbed his temples again. "I'm going to see if Howard knows a forensic expert who works with photographs. He might be able to confirm that this is doctored somehow. But I think we should also talk to Diane and George. Remember they said we should consult with them if we had problems. Well, this is a problem."

Penny nodded. The matinee was in full swing, so she couldn't call Diane. But she sent her and George a text asking if they could meet right after the matinee at the theater. She forwarded the email with the link to the story, and said that she and Leonard really needed some advice.

After sending the text, Penny turned back to Leonard. "Leonard, I hope you're telling me the truth. Because if you're not, we're through."

Leonard looked back just as seriously. "I get that. And I understand that the photograph looks damning. But I think you should believe me. I think we should be together in this, trying to figure out what the hell is happening. To be honest, the fact that you even consider that I might be lying is upsetting."

Penny looked down, wringing her hands. Finally she looked up at Leonard. "I know you're right. But it's really hard for me. You know how tough it has been for me to try to set aside some of my fears. This is activating them all again."

Leonard looked back, thought a moment, and then moved over to hug Penny very tightly. "Penny, I would never cheat on you. Never. Ever. Especially with a baby on the way. Whoever is doing this has some twisted idea of trying to upset you, or of causing tension between us. We have to deal with it together. Please. For our sake. For our baby's sake. And please believe me: I have not cheated on you. I don't know this woman." As he ended his plea, his voice was breaking.

Penny kissed Leonard softly. "I do believe you, sweetie. But it's so confusing. I want to deal with this together with you. I hope you'll try to understand how this just pushes all the wrong buttons in me. Be patient?"

"OK. I love you, Penny. I would never do anything like this. It's somebody else trying to mess with us, and we have to figure out who and why."

After gathering their thoughts, the couple drove to the theater in time to see the audience leaving the matinee. As they entered the stage door, Seth and some of the others asked Penny if she was all right; she had, after all, missed the performance. She assured them she was fine. But she and Leonard got the impression that they were not the only ones to have seen the _Times_ article, and they made sure to hold hands particularly firmly as they walked backstage. They went to Diane's office, knocked and entered. Diane and George were there, looking quite serious.

Penny and Leonard sat down. Penny figured she should start the conversation. "So you've seen the article. I want you to know that Leonard has assured me that he does not know that woman. I believe him. And we think that the picture is a fake."

George and Diane looked at each other. George spoke first. "That's what we figured, or at least hoped. But do you mind if I ask Leonard a few questions?"

"Of course not," Penny said, "so long as he doesn't mind." Leonard spread his hands out, inviting the questions.

"Leonard. First of all, do you know this woman?"

"Absolutely not. At least not that I know of. Of course, at the Institute I meet a lot of people. Plus there were lots of people at the cast party. So I can't say I was never in the same room as her. But I certainly never held her the way the picture shows. So I'm confident the picture is doctored. I want to ask an engineer friend for a recommendation of someone in imaging forensics who might be able to analyze it for certain. There might even be some identifying marks on the file."

"All right. Just wanted to be sure. Do you have any idea who might want to be circulating these rumors?"

Both Penny and Leonard shook their heads.

George paused. "OK, I think I know what I'll do. You have your forensics guy do the science. But I'm going to talk to the People editor at the _Times_. I know him well, and he's actually a decent guy."

Diane looked back and forth at George, then at the couple. "I think that will help figure this all out. But I want to know how you two are doing."

Penny and Leonard looked at each other, and Penny reached for Leonard's hand. "Well, to be honest, I've been a wreck, Diane. I'm sorry I missed the matinee, but there was no way I could go on. When I saw the story, Leonard was already at work and I couldn't find him until the middle of the afternoon. I didn't know what to believe and, frankly, it took me a while to believe him. I mean, there was a picture. But I trust Leonard, and I'm sure he's telling the truth."

Leonard looked over to Diane, then back at Penny. "Diane, this has been very hard on Penny. On both of us. We're sorry if it's disrupting the show, and we know you warned us, but I don't know that we were really prepared for something this disturbing."

George and Diane looked at each other, and Penny once more saw the glance they exchanged. Diane spoke first. "We were talking before you got here. This is _not_ what we had in mind when we warned you about what might come along. I mean, the scandal sheets go after the big stars, and sometimes that even gets into the _Times_ , but neither of us can recall anything like this about somebody who is, let's face it, a newcomer. You two are holding up remarkably well. But this is a truly terrible situation and we want to work together to deal with it." George nodded vigorously.

Penny breathed a sigh of relief and looked at Leonard. "That's good to know. I was having images of it only getting worse and worse, and I'm not sure I could take these kinds of rumors going on continually. But what can we do?"

George stood up. "Penny, you leave it to us. Leonard, have your friend do what he can. I'll deal with the _Times._ And I think it might be a good idea for Diane to say something to the cast. If that's all right with you two, of course."

Penny and Leonard looked at each other, and nodded.

"All right," Diane said. "I hate to say it, but we're 45 minutes away from curtain time, so I think that if you're going to go on, Penny, you'd better start to get ready."

Penny stood up, holding Leonard's hand. "I'll be all right, so long as Leonard is here. Can you stay with me while I get ready, and stick around for the performance?"

"Of course," Leonard said, as they walked out and toward her dressing room. He'd been in it before, but never for very long. Now he sat in the extra chair while Penny got into costume, and applied her makeup. He smiled at how she'd decorated it – there were half a dozen framed photographs of him, or of them as a couple, and even one of them with their friends on opening night. She'd taped a particularly lovely 8x10 glossy print of the two of them in each other's arms to the corner of the mirror.

Leonard looked more closely at the picture on the mirror. Then he took out his tablet and opened it. He started to say something to Penny, but just as he was about to speak, the knock came on the door: "Ten minutes!" He decided to wait. Penny left, giving Leonard a warm kiss, and left to go onstage. Leonard immediately went to Diane's office, and was glad to find George there.

"George, I want you to take a look at something." And he led the older man to Penny's dressing room.

"Look at the photograph Penny has on the mirror here. And now look at the picture from the _Times_ article."

George looked, and whistled softly to himself. "It's the same picture. With somebody else put in place of Penny."

Leonard nodded. "I guess we don't need a forensic scientist now…."

George was thinking, hard. "Who took this picture? When? Penny had short hair, it must have been a while ago."

Leonard looked. "Our friend Rajesh. We did a sort of high school prom re-do with some friends Maybe two years ago. This isn't the prom photo he took, it's another one. We wanted one of us that was more romantic. I don't think I even knew Penny had it. How could anybody get hold of it?"

"Right," George said, but he was not paying attention. He was looking very closely at the picture.

"Leonard, come over here." He pointed to where the picture was taped to the mirror. "What do you see here?"

Leonard shrugged. "Tape?"

George shook his head. "Look closer," and he pointed to the mirror right next to where the picture was taped.

Leonard looked. There was a little line of sticky substance right next to the tape. He looked at the other four corners where the photograph was taped to the mirror. And he understood what George was showing him.

"Somebody took _this_ photograph off _this_ mirror and then put it back. They got the tape almost exactly where it had been, but not quite," Leonard said, thoughtfully.

George looked at him. "Do you know what that means?"

Leonard nodded. "Somebody in the crew."

"Or on the cast."

"Do you think somebody would do that for money? I mean, offer a newspaper a picture like that for money?"

George shook his head. "No way. No offense, but Penny's not that big a deal. Somebody took the picture and copied it so that they could have it doctored to appear like it did in the paper. Somebody did this on purpose." He stood shaking his head.

"I have to talk to the guy at the _Times_. If I can get him to tell me who sold him the photo, we'll know what the story is. I'm going to take this picture. Can you explain the whole thing to Penny?"

"Sure," Leonard said. "But let us know what you find out as soon as you can."

The next morning at 9.30 AM, George walked into the office of Lawrence Harris at the _LA Times._

"Larry, I thought you were running a serious operation here, not some bullshit scandal sheet."

"It's nice to see you, too, George," Harris said, smiling. "What is it now?"

"You published a story yesterday that is a complete fabrication. And a photograph that is a fake." And he pulled out the story from his briefcase and showed it to Harris.

"Nonsense," Harris said. "I got that from one of my most reliable sources."

"Really?" George said. He gingerly took a manila folder out of his bag and showed Harris the original picture of Leonard and Penny. "Look familiar? This is the original. And I can get you a forensic scientist who will tell you the photograph you published is doctored."

Harris looked at the two pictures, concerned. "Jesus. Let me call the guy. Can you wait outside? This could be ugly."

"All right," George said. "On one condition: you tell me who supplied him with that photograph."

Harris thought a bit. "Deal. I'll tell him it's a fake, and that we'll never use him again unless he gives me a name."

Stein sat outside Harris's office while, for a good ten minutes, he heard a furious conversation between the editor and someone he could only assume was the source. Eventually Harris opened the door, pale and shaky.

"George, I'm really sorry. He eventually admitted that he hadn't fully checked out the story, or the photo. And I did threaten him. But he said he only had a first name of the photographer. Adam, he said. I'm not even sure it's his real name. But that's the best I can do."

Stein glared at the editor. "How about a retraction? And maybe a story about Penelope Hofstadter and her husband, how she's taking the town by storm and they're a very happily married couple. Maybe you can spin it as the actor and the scientist: he's a big-shot researcher at Caltech."

"I guess that could work. OK, I'll see what I can do. Tell the Hofstadters I'm sorry. And Diane, too. You know me, George. We don't do things like this often."

George's manner relaxed a little. "I know that, Larry. But that's one reason it's important for you to make this right. Everybody in town is going to believe it. And the Hofstadters are newbies. They're really shaken up by this, and I won't have anybody messing with them."

They two men parted ways, and George headed back to the theater. He arrived just as Seth was getting in.

George pulled the stage manager into his office. "Seth, do we have anyone named Adam? I can't think of anybody by that name."

Seth thought a bit. "Oh, Adam Lucas. That's Sarah's husband. He's here a lot. Sort of a quiet guy."

"What does he do?"

"I think he's a graphic designer or something like that. Freelances for magazines."

George nodded. This was their man. And woman. He waited for Diane to arrive so that they could work out their strategy. Once they'd settled on it, they texted Penny to ask Leonard to accompany her to the theater that afternoon.

Penny and Leonard arrived at the theater at 3 PM – the call was later now, with the show more under control – and went straight to Diane's office.

George got right to the point. "The person who supplied the photograph – and probably the person who doctored it – is Adam Lucas, Sarah Lucas's husband. That much I know. I got it out of the _Times_ editor. And he promises to print a correction, and to try to get a nice piece on you two into the paper."

Penny and Leonard stared at George. Penny was the first to speak. "But why would Sarah do something like this? I don't understand."

Leonard mused, "Well, you know the Germans: _Schadenfreude_ and all that. They can be nasty."

The others looked at him, startled. Penny said gently, "Sweetie, her _character_ is German. Sarah's from Ohio."

Leonard looked embarrassed. Diane carried on. "I've gotten a few hints of jealousy from her. But nothing huge. I would never have expected this. Sure, Penny has taken the spotlight, but so it goes. This is really awful. I can't imagine how I can bring it up with her."

George stood up. "You people are a bunch of wimps. This is disgusting. Beyond disgusting. Diane, you need to get rid of Sarah right away. I mean this afternoon. We have an understudy; get her going. What she and her husband did is unconscionable. Maybe illegal. In fact, you two could sue her. Them. In fact, the production company could sue them for damaging the image of the show." By the time he was finished he was red in the face.

Diane looked up at George and lightly touched his arm. "Dear, you're right, of course. We'll take care of it. Calm down. I'll talk to Sarah right now."

George shook his head. "No, I'll talk to her. I'm the producer. This is a business matter, not an artistic one. And she'll be sorry she ever messed with me. With us. With you, whatever. But Diane, I think maybe you should pull the cast and crew together to explain what's happening once I'm done with Sarah." He paused. "No, wait. I'll talk to her and have security accompany her to clear out her things while you're talking to the company. That way she's gone, the situation is over, and we can move on."

Leonard remarked to himself how coldly calculating George was, and glanced at Penny. He could see she was thinking roughly the same thing. It made him glad that George and they were on the same side; he would certainly be a dangerous enemy.

Diane clearly wanted to tone down the emotions. She got George to sit down, and waited a few moments.

"I think George has a good idea of how to handle this. But I want to make sure that you two are all right with the resolution. And I especially want to know how Penny is feeling."

Penny looked at Leonard, and reached for his hand. "How are you feeling, Leonard?"

"Pretty shaken. But glad we have an idea of what happened, why you'd been getting all those nasty messages. And glad it will be over soon. How about you?"

"I'm all right," Penny said. She took Leonard's other hand and faced him, holding both his hands in hers. "I feel terrible that you ended up being put in the middle of this. What are our friends going to think? They'll see that picture and think you're cheating on me. It's so unfair to you."

Leonard's eyes opened wide. "God, I didn't even think of that. I suppose I can send out an email."

Penny shook her head. "No, I should send it out. So it doesn't look like you're making excuses for yourself. I'll mention the _Times_ piece and then say that it was slander and used a doctored photograph, and was due to professional jealousy. OK?"

Leonard nodded. "That seems good."

Through this conversation Diane and George were watching curiously. George was about to say something, but Diane squeezed his arm to quiet him. When the young couple finished, they looked over and noticed that Green and Stein were staring at them.

"What?" Penny asked.

Diane glanced at George. "You two are really good together, you know that? A lot of couples would be torn apart by something like this."

Penny looked down. "We nearly were. When I saw that picture I was ready to light into Leonard something fierce. But we worked it through. And you two really helped. All that detective work – and talking to the _Times_ guy. Plus, we've been together for almost ten years now."

"Ten years!" Diane exclaimed. "What were you, middle-school sweethearts?"

Leonard laughed. "Hardly. And, not to be pedantic," he said, looking at Penny, "but we've _known_ each other for about ten yours. For two we were friends. Then for one we were together. Then Penny decided she loved me too much to be with me, and broke up with me. Then for two we were apart. Now back again for about five years. So, we've been _together_ ," and he paused a moment, "for 1,945 days. Oh, wait, I forgot leap years. 1,948. But who's counting?"

Diane and George looked at him, amused. "Well, that's pretty special. But this has been one hell of a trial by fire for the two of you. Penny, do you want to take the evening off? We can call the stand-by."

"What, and have two of the three principal women out in one performance? No way," Penny said firmly. "Leonard, can you stay for the show, though? In my dressing room. That way I can check in when I'm offstage."

"Sure, anything."

They walked back to her dressing room, as they heard Diane talk to Seth about gathering the cast and crew, and George went by with two security guards. Leonard shuddered.

Safely in Penny's dressing room, he watched as she started preparing. While she applied makeup, she said to him, "You were pretty funny in there, with the 1,948 days."

"Yeah, I just made that up, really. I'm not Sheldon."

She nodded. "I was thinking about what you said about me breaking up with you because I loved you too much."

"Sorry about that. I know it's not true, but I figured it would sound good. Trying to lighten the mood a little and all."

"Sure," she said, continuing to work on her makeup. "But now I think you know that it might have some truth to it. I knew I loved you – you know that now, right?"

"I guess; we talked about it before."

"But that really scared me, because I knew that if we were getting that serious, chances were we'd be together forever, and I wasn't ready for that. I was only 25, you know."

"I realize that. Penny, it doesn't bother me anymore."

"I'm just saying. It's funny, isn't it, that after we broke up –"

"After you broke up with me."

"All right, after I broke up with you because I wasn't sure about being with you, I never really dated anyone. Except Zack, and that wasn't serious."

"Except you married him."

"Ha, ha. But you had a serious relationship with Priya. Sorta strange. Especially since I knew I wanted to be back together with you."

Leonard listened, waiting to see where she was going.

She stopped working on her foundation and turned toward him. "You know when I was really sure? I mean, not sure that I wanted to be with you – that came right after we broke up…I broke up with you. I mean when I overcame my fears, because I was sure that I wanted to be with you forever, no matter what."

"No, when?"

"When you gave me the car."

"Oh," he said with a grimace, "so all it takes is a gift? And that was a clunker. What if somebody gives you a Maserati?"

"I'll take it, and tool around town with you as arm candy. Seriously, it wasn't the car, really. It was how you did it, and how I felt when you did it. You know how those magazines I read say that true love is when you care as much for the other person as for yourself?"

"I wouldn't know, I've never read one. I'll take your word for it."

"Well, they do. And that was what I felt about the car. You didn't have piles of money to throw around. Still, you got me a car because you cared about my being able to follow my dreams. But after I got over the initial shock, my main feeling was that I was worried you spent more than you could. I worried a lot. I kept looking out to check that you weren't having any problems with money."

"Overthinking, again?"

"Maybe," she said with a smile, turning back to the mirror. "But that's when I realized that you cared as much about me as you did about yourself – I guess I always knew that – and that I cared as much about you as I did about myself. That's what sealed the deal."

"Well," said Leonard, "I'm glad it did. And it did eventually provide us with our first joint bank account."

"And _your_ first experience having sex on a big pile of cash," she said, watching him out of the corner of her eye.

"Ouch," he said, clutching his heart.

They heard the rustling of the cast going quickly toward their dressing rooms, speaking softly but excitedly among themselves.

"You're going to miss your cue if you don't hurry up," he prodded her.

"I'm fast," she said, finishing up. She kissed him on the cheek, he told her to break a leg, and she left the dressing room.

And the show went on. Without Sarah Lucas.

Late that evening, the exhausted couple straggled upstairs to their apartment. Penny and Leonard collapsed on the couch and looked at each other.

"I can't believe you went through with the performance," Leonard said, not for the first time that evening.

"It wasn't easy. But it was a good test, I guess," Penny replied.

Leonard mused, "Well, Diane and George did warn us. But that was really difficult. I can't imagine what we'd do without them on our side."

Penny nodded. "They've really been fantastic. Diane is so supportive of me. And she _really_ loves you."

Leonard looked puzzled. "What do you mean? I don't feel like I've hardly talked to her."

Penny breathed deeply. "Damn it. Leonard, Diane's been telling me what a great guy you are practically since the day she met you. And I've never even said a word about it to you."

Leonard shrugged. "What does she say?"

Penny thought. "Well, for example….Remember when we went to their house to see the baby, that first time? And you held Miriam? You looked so adorable, like you were a natural father, it made me want to cry. And Diane saw it, too. She said to me, 'Never let this guy go.'"

Leonard grinned broadly. But Penny continued. "Don't you want to know what I said to her?"

"Sure!"

"I said, 'Trust me, I never will.' And, sweetie, I never will. But I have to work on this. You have no idea how many people tell me wonderful things about you, and I never pass them along. Meanwhile, every day you tell me about all the compliments people pay me. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I hope you understand that it's not about you, it's about me."

Leonard looked pensive. "I suppose I can forgive you. But, well, with all that happened today, I really feel like I need something to take my mind off all these problems."

Penny laughed, kissed him, and led him toward the bedroom.


	18. Trouble in Apartment 4A

18\. Trouble in Apartment 4A

With Sarah Lucas gone and replaced by her understudy, the production continued to run smoothly. But as Penny's pregnancy progressed, she and Leonard became increasingly fixated on finding a new place to live for their growing family. Leonard had primary house-hunting responsibility, but he identified a couple of likely prospects that Penny saw, too. In both cases they were snatched up before they could even make a bid, but at least they were gaining some experience in the hothouse atmosphere of Los Angeles real estate. And they had, somewhat reluctantly, decided to take her parents up on their offer. It seemed like a new house was only a matter of time.

All of which raised the very touchy subject of making the fact that they were going to move out more explicit to Sheldon. Leonard had discussed it with him in the abstract, but theoretical physicists are notoriously bad at moving from the abstract to the concrete, and they were worried he would take it badly. After thinking about it, they decided that it was best to consult with Amy. So one Sunday morning, they spirited her over while Sheldon was busy working across the hall. They explained their plans to Amy.

"Well, that makes sense, of course, and I imagined you'd be doing this. However, I should warn you that Sheldon has been getting increasingly despondent. I know he sees you at work, Leonard, but something's going on in his mind that I can't really understand. I'm actually worried about him. I've been continuing to try to soften Sheldon up to the idea, but it hasn't been easy even to get him to agree to talk about it. Maybe the thing to do is to wait until you have concrete plans, and then the three of us can sit down with him together."

The issue, however, came to a head unexpectedly that evening, at the regular group gathering. Bernadette mentioned to some of the friends that she'd read that _After the Fall_ was going to New York with the current cast. Sheldon immediately walked over to Amy and began quizzing her quietly but insistently. It was clear he was extremely distressed.

As he rejoined the party, Howard and Leonard were talking about work, and Leonard was explaining that he and his group were making significant progress. Sheldon was standing nearby, and immediately snorted.

"What?" Leonard asked, annoyed.

"First of all, they're not doing anything that hasn't been done already by the team in Amsterdam. Second of all, it's not 'your' group in any meaningful sense. You're never there; they're doing all the work without you."

"What do you mean?" Leonard asked testily. "I'm there every weekday, and Saturdays, and lots of evenings. Just because I'm not keeping the same hours as you doesn't mean I'm not working hard."

"More like hardly working," Sheldon said bitterly. "Your post-docs do it all while you spend your time at the theater."

The room was becoming quiet as Sheldon's voice rose and the others began to realize that an argument had started.

Leonard was getting angry. Howard tried to stop it. "Come on, Sheldon, you don't mean that. Leonard's doing good work. And you should be happy for Penny."

"Happy? Why? Because she's playing a loose woman in some silly play? Talk about type-casting – she doesn't even have to act!"

"Sheldon!" Amy headed toward him, warning him sharply. "That's enough."

"It is not. It's bad enough that ridiculous _play_ means we never see them any more, but now it's taking Leonard away from his work. And just when," he added, turning to Leonard with barely concealed rage, "were you planning to tell me you were going to New York?"

Leonard stepped back, startled. "I was going to tell you as soon as it was confirmed. But with that attitude, why should I tell you anything?" he said, angrily.

"Because we're still working together. Aren't we?" Sheldon retorted. "Or are you going to desert our work together, too?"

Penny, who had been across the room, walked quickly over to Leonard's side and put her hand on his arm.

"Sweetie, just let it go. I think we should talk about this some other time. You're both going to say things you don't mean."

"I mean exactly what I said!" Sheldon said, to both Penny and Leonard now. "He's deserted our work, just like both of you have deserted your friends. And for what? For some absurd Broadway dream?" And now, turning to Leonard, "And you call yourself a scientist! Only a mediocrity would sacrifice his career for a stupid play."

Leonard was turning whiter by the moment. "Sheldon, you have no right to impugn my work, or question my commitment to it."

"If you're so committed to it, why are you leaving to go to New York?" Sheldon was nearly shouting now. Before Leonard could answer, he turned on his heels and stomped off to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

The room was deadly silent. Leonard and Penny looked after Sheldon with unbelieving eyes. Even Amy was too shocked to react. But she quickly shook herself and walked quickly to Sheldon's bedroom.

Shock and embarrassment settled over the room. Leonard, strode furiously out of the apartment and back across the hall. Penny followed him reluctantly. A few minutes later, Amy emerged to suggest that it might be best if the evening ended. She asked where Penny and Leonard were, only to be told they had left.

Across the hall, Leonard was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands, when Penny came in.

"Sweetie?" she said softly. "I'm so sorry. That was terrible. I don't know what got into Sheldon."

Leonard rounded on her. "What got into him? Nothing got into him. That's what he has thought about me forever. He just finally said it out loud. And then to drag your play into it. So don't go defending him like you always do!"

Penny knew she needed to recognize the validity of her husband's frustration, but wanted also to calm him down. And she felt she needed to help heal this breach between the two men. "Leonard, I would never defend what he said about you. But you heard what Amy said before: she's worried about his mental state. We have to try to understand him. After all, it's our moving that's making him so upset."

Leonard got up and walked behind the counter, looking angrily at Penny. "No. That's not right. It is _not_ our fault. He doesn't get a pass for this. Sheldon has gone over the line once too many times."

Penny wrung her hands, walking over to Leonard. "Honey, you can't mean that. He's your best friend. You can't throw that away because of one argument."

Leonard looked at her, still furious. "It's not one argument. And I don't know why you're taking his side. After what he said about you?"

Penny wanted to calm the waters, and tried hard to remember Dr. Gallo's instructions. She went to Leonard and stroked his cheek. He pulled away a little, but she began to play with his curly hair, and moved closer to him. "I understand, sweetie. I love you and I don't want you to be unhappy." She felt Leonard get a little less tense, and she kissed him on the cheek. He turned a little away from her, but she could tell that he was gradually softening.

"I'm not angry with you, Penny, of course not. I just want us to be happy. I want our _family_ to be happy. And Sheldon doesn't make me happy, he makes me upset."

Penny stood behind Leonard and put her arms around him. She could feel that he was trembling, and she felt so sorry for her husband she could have cried. Leonard was so sensitive and caring, and Sheldon had certainly been dismissive and insulting. Yet the two men had such a special bond, it was hard to think that it might be broken. She leaned her head on his back and whispered, "I love you, Leonard. We'll make it better, together."

Just then Penny's phone pinged. It was a text from Amy. " _Hallway, please. We need to fix this."_

Penny told Leonard Amy wanted to talk to her, and he nodded. She rushed out to the hall to find Amy pacing.

"Penny, I don't know what came over Sheldon. I know he's been upset about you two moving away, but his behavior was unacceptable. How are you doing? How is Leonard doing?"

"I'm still a little stunned. But Leonard's very upset, Amy. What is going on with Sheldon?"

Amy shook her head. "I don't know. It's scary. He's sitting there, practically catatonic. I think the New York thing just pushed him over the edge. Of course I knew about it, it's been in the papers, and maybe at some level he knew too, but this made it real to him. What are we going to do? We can't leave things like this."

Penny thought a minute. "How about if I go talk to Sheldon? Sometimes I can get through to him."

Amy nodded. "That could work; he listens to you."

As Penny headed toward apartment 4A, Amy suggested timidly, "Do you think I should talk to Leonard? I know we don't have a relationship like you and Sheldon, but I have nothing but respect for him and I want him to know that he's important to us, no matter what may be making Sheldon so unstable."

"I think he'd like that, Amy. But be prepared, he's angry."

Amy knocked softly on the door of 4B. "Leonard?"

Leonard answered, "Come in, Amy."

The brunette opened the door timidly to see Leonard sitting on the couch staring straight ahead. She felt a twinge of sorrow, even guilt, for his pain. Leonard was a kind and sensitive person. Sure, he made fun of Sheldon sometimes, and lost his patience, but nobody knew better than Amy how trying Sheldon could be, and Leonard was remarkably tolerant, considering.

Amy sat down next to Leonard, not really sure what she should do or say. She looked at him for a minute or two, then ventured, "Leonard? I'm sorry for what Sheldon said. You've been his friend longer than anyone, and a wonderful friend too. You and Penny didn't deserve that."

Leonard turned to Amy and smiled wanly. "I don't blame you, Amy. Any other time I might have been able to shrug that off. But with everything that's going on in our lives – the play, looking for a house, expecting a baby – it was just too much. I've been insulted by Sheldon before, and I have to remind myself that he doesn't really mean it. But this time I really felt that he meant it. And to insult Penny like that! That was the worst part. I mean, she's my wife! And he called her a loose woman. That's just unforgivable."

Amy took a deep breath. "Leonard, I know that dealing with Sheldon is exhausting, especially for you and me. Penny gets along with him, but she's not a scientist. For her he's just a strange person, and she accepts him like she accepts just about everyone. But you and I are scientists. And interacting with Sheldon as scientists is nerve-wracking. His arrogance, his egotism. I know all that, and I try to put up with it because I love him. But nobody puts up with him like you do. For almost ten years you've worked with him, played with him, and lived with him. And despite the ups and downs, you understand him and you appreciate him. I admire you for that."

Leonard shook his head sadly. "Look, Amy, I know you mean well, but his behavior has just gotten too much for me to take. These should be wonderful, happy times. And true friends would be reinforcing the wonder and the happiness. But not Sheldon."

Amy was quiet again. But she felt she had to keep trying. "When I first met you, I didn't get it."

"Get what?" Now Leonard was curious.

"Get why Penny was so wrapped up in you. You two weren't together then, but her life revolved around you in a way I didn't understand. Over time I began to see it. Do you know that since the moment I met her, her most treasured possession has been that snowflake you gave her? I remember when you asked her out for the first time – I mean the first time after you'd been apart. Bernadette and I spent over two hours with her in her bedroom trying to help her get ready for your date. I have never seen that woman so nervous. It was as though her whole future depended on the date going well."

Leonard was listening with interest now. These were stories he had never heard.

"You and Penny have such a lasting, loving relationship. Of course Penny is a large part of that; but you are at the center. You're so understanding and tolerant of others. Especially of Sheldon. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. And I know he does, too, even if he doesn't always show it."

Leonard smiled thinly. "That doesn't change the fact that Sheldon said things this evening that are very hard to forgive."

Amy sighed. "Leonard, I think Sheldon is having a very hard time with your moving away, and finding out that you were going to New York just was too much for him."

"Really? But I see him every day at work."

"I know. That's something, I suppose. But try to see it from his perspective. Most people treat him like a freak. He feels like he doesn't really belong anywhere. There's me, now, so that's something. But you were there long before me. And you were his main connection with reality, with people. All his friends came through you. His social life, his activities, just about everything he does – now, even some of his scientific work – has depended on you. And now you're talking about moving out, and soon you'll be three thousand miles away. And I think he feels very scared about moving forward without you and Penny around. I know that sounds extreme, but I truly believe that's how he feels."

Leonard was looking away now, thinking hard. He sighed deeply. "Look, Amy. I don't want Sheldon to be unhappy, anything but. And I never wanted these changes to drive a wedge between us. I'm just having trouble getting over the fact that he went out of his way to insult me, and Penny."

Amy nodded. "You're right, he did. And I wish I understood better why."

Leonard stood up. "I'm going to lie down in the bedroom for a few minutes to think. I need to be alone a little. You're welcome to stay here if you wish. I want to think about what I'm willing to do."

Amy sighed with relief. "I'll be here." And she settled in as Leonard walked into the bedroom and closed the door.

Across the hall, Penny gently opened the door. "Sheldon?" She saw that he was sitting in his spot, staring straight ahead. She slowly walked over to him, and pulled the armchair around so she was facing him.

"Sheldon, the things you said to Leonard and me were very hurtful. I can't believe that you want to make your best friend suffer. So I want you to try to explain why you did it."

Sheldon looked at Penny, and she saw an expression of frightened confusion. "Why are you going to New York?"

"The play might open in New York in a year's time. If it does, we'll probably go. But just for a few months. We're not moving to New York. We _are_ moving away, probably in the next few months, because we need a bigger house for the baby, and for if we have more. We're adults, Sheldon, and that's what adults do: they have families and live in houses. You know that. I know that you knew this was going to happen. But that's all beside the point. I want to know what was going on in your mind when you said all those nasty things to Leonard."

"I guess I was angry at him. And at you."

"That's all right. I know you're upset that we're moving away. But that doesn't give you the right to insult people. Especially people that love you and just want the best for you. Leonard has been your best friend for ten years, Sheldon. Ten years! That's most of your adult life. And you know how much he has done for you in that time. Do you really want him to go away and only remember that you called him a mediocrity?"

Sheldon's sighed. "That wasn't nice."

"And you said some pretty nasty things about me, too."

Sheldon groaned. "Penny, I don't feel good."

Penny continued, firmly but softly: "I know you don't feel good. I know you're sad. I know you're worried about our leaving. I know you miss Leonard. But none of those things – _none of those things –_ makes it right to treat your best friend like dirt."

Sheldon sat, shaking his head.

"Sheldon, you were really mean. But Leonard is your best friend, and maybe he will forgive you. However, you have to apologize. I mean really apologize. If you can't do that, you may lose Leonard's friendship forever. And mine too. Why don't you think about that while I get myself a drink of water." And Penny stood up and turned her back to Sheldon, giving him time to try to collect his thoughts without her presence. She stayed in the kitchen area, facing the sink, for several minutes. Then she turned around and walked back to the armchair.

"What are you thinking, Sheldon?"

Sheldon looked up. "I'd like to try to convince Leonard I'm sorry."

"Good," Penny said. "I'll see if he's willing to talk to you." And she left Sheldon alone, so that he could think about what he would say.

Penny entered Apartment 4B, surprised to see Amy alone on the couch. Amy gestured back to the bedroom and whispered, "He said he needed some time alone to think. Maybe you can talk to him?"

"I will. I had a long talk with Sheldon and he wants to apologize. But I'd leave him alone, I think he's trying to compose himself."

Amy nodded, as Penny knocked on the bedroom door. "Can I come in, honey?"

"Sure."

Penny opened the door to find Leonard lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. She sat on the bed and placed her left hand on his chest, caressing his cheek and hair with her right, waiting for him to talk.

"I suppose I should give him a chance," Leonard said finally.

"Only if it's what you really want, Leonard. Don't do it for me. Don't do it for anyone else. Only do it if you really feel it's the right thing."

"I guess I do. He's not himself. Amy said he's been in pretty bad shape. I suppose I underestimated how affected he'd be. And I guess I feel a little guilty for not telling him about New York. That was a mistake. He should have heard it from me."

"Maybe. But the bigger picture is that you and I are pretty much his life, apart from Amy. That's what scares him. You shouldn't feel guilty about his being scared. But it might be good – good for both of you – if you let him apologize and made an effort to try to repair things."

Leonard looked at her. "I guess I do want that. And thank you for being so supportive. I know I'm being difficult."

"You're not being difficult at all. You're being human, and being hurt, and reacting like any normal person would. If you feel you can forgive him, then do it. If that's what you really want."

Leonard sighed. "OK, let's go over there."

So the three walked slowly across the hall. Penny sat in the chair opposite Sheldon, Amy on the couch next to him. Leonard hesitated a little, then brought up a chair and sat next to Penny. They all looked expectantly at Sheldon.

Sheldon was ghostly white. His eyes darted from person to person, but he avoided looking at Leonard. A minute went by, as Amy became increasingly nervous. Finally she put her hand on Sheldon's. "Sheldon?"

Sheldon looked at her, then finally at Leonard. His shoulders slumped and he sighed deeply. "Apart from Amy, you two are the best friends I have in the world. Leonard, you are my oldest friend. There's nobody in the world I care about more than you. And I realize that my treatment of you tonight was unjustified."

The three waited expectantly. Sheldon was talking in a low tone, calmly, but with far more emotion than was usual for him.

"Leonard, I'm sorry for what I said. You're a wonderful scientist, and I can't imagine a better friend. You've stood by me for ten years, and whatever disagreements we may have had, I never doubted that I could trust you. My behavior was unacceptable."

Leonard nodded, and Sheldon looked at Penny.

"Penny, what I said about you was just as bad. I think you're very talented. I thought the play was moving, and you were the best thing about it. You know, I sent the _LA Times_ and _New York Times_ reviews to my mother and Meemaw, and they were so proud of you, too. Almost as proud as I was."

"It's true," Amy said softly. "He called them the day after the opening to tell them, too."

"So," Sheldon continued, "I am ashamed of myself. I wish I understood why I acted as I did. But," he shook his head sadly, "I really don't. I can't believe I insulted two of the people I care most about."

Leonard and Penny looked at each other. Amy observed them carefully. Their relationship was something she tried to learn from. And she could see that some hidden message, some secret feeling, was passing between them.

Penny spoke first. "Sheldon, the first rule of friendship is that friends want their friends to be happy. I think Leonard and I have always behaved like that toward you. I know that I've seen Leonard do things that were difficult, or annoying, or unpleasant, in order to make or keep you happy. Because that's what friends do."

Sheldon was listening very carefully, as Amy looked back and forth between Penny and her fiancé.

"You broke that rule tonight. You knew that we are overjoyed with the reception of the play, and excited about expecting a baby. And you ignored all that. You put your own selfish concerns ahead of our happiness. That was cruel."

Sheldon was looking increasingly miserable.

Penny continued. "But I don't think that was the real you. And I hope you can see how the things you said might drive us away from you. We're willing to give you another chance, if you can prove to us that you truly understand what it means to be a friend. Not because it's in a contract or an agreement, but because it's the right thing to do."

Sheldon nodded. "I understand, Penny. I violated the principles of friendship. It's my job to convince you that you can trust me again. Maybe Amy can help me with this."

Amy's eyes were wet with tears. "Of course, Sheldon, I'll do whatever I can. And we can hope that Penny and Leonard will be able to look beyond tonight, and that we can go back to the way we were."

Leonard spoke, for the first time, very softly. "I've always valued you as friends. Both of you. And it would hurt me deeply to lose you. So I'm willing to make an effort. And I appreciate that Sheldon seems truly sorry. That is a good start. And, Sheldon, I'm sorry you had to hear about New York from somebody else. We were planning to talk about it with you once plans were clearer. But that still doesn't justify the way you treated us."

Penny reached over and took Leonard's hand. "I think that's where we are, you two. We want to work things through. We will do what we can. But now I think we need to go to bed. It's been a difficult evening."

Back in their apartment, in bed, the couple talked long into the night. Penny listened while Leonard recalled episode after episode of his relationship with Sheldon, all the insensitive remarks and selfish behavior. After a while, he seemed spent. And then he began talking about how Sheldon was the most brilliant person he had ever met; how well they had worked together; how exciting it had been to develop and publish a major paper together, how much he had changed over the years. How amazing it was to watch him fall in love with Amy, become a more fully formed person. Leonard finished, exhausted.

Penny held her man close. "I can't imagine how hard this is for you, honey. Whatever you decide, whatever you want to do, I'll support. Can I just say one thing, though?"

Leonard nodded expectantly.

"That man needs you probably more than he needs anyone in the world. Maybe more than Amy. That's why he's not himself. Doesn't make it right. But maybe it makes it something we can understand."

Leonard nodded again. "I know you're right. But it will be a while before I can see all this clearly."

And they went to sleep.


	19. Opposites attract

19\. Opposites attract

Fortunately, Penny and Leonard had a session scheduled with Dr. Gallo Monday morning. Penny explained the events of the previous evening to her. The doctor could see how difficult the experience had been for them both.

Penny finished and looked expectantly at the doctor. "Do you have any thoughts about what happened?"

Dr. Gallo pursed her lips. "Well, you're my patients, but I also feel I have a professional responsibility here. This man seems to be in trouble. From what you've said, he has a background of psychological and emotional problems. He had found a zone of stability with his girlfriend, and with the two of you. The prospect of your moving away seems to have disturbed that stability. His coping mechanisms, his defenses, seem to be eroding, and that can be dangerous. So the first thing I'll say – and then let's focus on you two – is that I think you should encourage his girlfriend to get him to a therapist."

The couple looked at each other. They knew how resistant Sheldon would be to that suggestion.

"And let me say something else about his behavior. Sometimes when people sense that a separation is imminent, they provoke conflict. Subconsciously, to be sure, but this is a way of making the separation easier."

Penny and Leonard looked at her, puzzled.

"Say a spouse is going away for a month. One member of the couple will often cause a big fight just before the separation. That somehow makes it easier to accept that the person will be gone – you're mad at him, after all, so who cares if he leaves? More seriously, this sometimes happens when one member of a couple senses that the other is about to leave – I mean for good. In Sheldon's case, perhaps this was his way – again, subconsciously – of making your leaving easier to stomach."

Penny and Leonard nodded seriously.

Dr. Gallo wanted to move on. And she observed the two. Over the past few months she had gained a good deal of insight into the Hofstadters. Her first impression had, to be sure, raised real questions about their marriage, not to speak of their morality. But once she got beyond that, Dr. Gallo began to see what was special about them and their relationship. As different as they appeared, they shared some very important traits. They were open and sincere, and fiercely loyal to their friends and to each other. Their compassion was unusual, again both for each other and for their friends. They were, in a way, a striking example of how emotional connections were based on deep personality traits and not superficial features. The doctor was even thinking of writing an article for the _Journal of Clinical Psychiatry_ about the case. She had a title: "Opposites attract."

"So let's talk about you," she moved on. "This must have been trying."

Penny, who had been holding Leonard's hand since the session began, now slid over on the couch and put her arm around him. "I know how hard this is for Leonard, doctor. For ten years this has man been his best friend. And he _does_ have many positive features: he's brilliant, and honest, and loyal, and until last night I would have said that he was well-meaning. But last night Sheldon was really cruel. I can't imagine what Leonard's going through. And I think what makes it worse is that he feels a little responsible for Sheldon being so distraught. He shouldn't, but Leonard is a sensitive guy and I know he feels guilty for hurting Sheldon."

Leonard leaned into Penny, his eyes lowered. Gallo could feel the empathy for her husband as she looked at him with real concern.

"I can understand that. You two need to take care of yourselves. Of each other. This is a bump in the road. But remember all the wonderful things that are going on: the baby, your new life together, Penny's career developments."

Penny nodded, but Leonard remained quiet. Dr. Gallo tried again. "The fact is that you two are each other's most important people. Leonard, you have a wife who loves you dearly. Try to focus on that."

Leonard smiled for the first time in the hour. He looked at Penny with tears in his eyes. "Thank you for being there for me, Penny."

"Of course," Penny said, beginning to tear up herself. "I'll _always_ be here for you, Leonard. Always. You've always been there for me. It hurts so much to see you so sad. But we're going to deal with this together."

Dr. Gallo watched quietly as the two hugged. She felt a little guilty for taking notes that would be a big part of her article, but she also felt some pride in having helped the two support each other so fully.

The session ended and the couple walked out to their car. As they un-silenced their phones, they got simultaneous notifications of a message. It was from Amy.

 _I know you may not want to hear this, but there's something wrong with Sheldon. He won't leave his room, he won't go to work, he won't even talk to me. I'm scared and I feel like I need your help. I knocked on your door but you didn't answer. If you're home, please please please come over. I don't know what to do and I'm frightened. Your friend forever, Amy._

They looked at each other and knew they had to help. As Leonard started the drive home, Penny texted Amy that they'd been out and had just gotten the message, and that they were on their way.

Penny and Leonard walked quickly up the stairs and knocked on the door of apartment 4A. Amy answered almost immediately. She ran immediately into Penny's arms, sobbing.

"There's something wrong with him, Penny, I don't know what to do. He's been in there all morning. He won't get up, he won't talk to me, he won't go to work. Nothing." Penny comforted her as they stood in the hallway, Leonard somewhat awkwardly to one side.

After a minute, Penny pulled away. "Where is he? Can I go in to see him? I imagine it would be better for me to see him than Leonard, don't you think?"

Amy nodded. "In the bedroom." Amy and Leonard walked into the living room as Penny headed for the bedroom. They sat on the couch, somewhat awkwardly.

Finally Leonard turned to her. "Amy, I appreciate everything you said last night. And I'm going to make an effort. But I think there's something you should do with Sheldon. We can help, but mostly it will be up to you."

Amy looked puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"You should try to get him into therapy."

"I certainly don't disagree, Leonard. Sheldon will resist, of course, he always has. I've tried to get him to see somebody for a while now, but you know his opinion of clinical psychology. However, this time it's pretty clear to me he's in distress. What makes you bring this up, though?"

Leonard thought a bit, then told Amy about their sessions with Dr. Gallo and about what she had said that morning. Amy listened carefully.

"I guess I knew both those things, intellectually: about coping mechanisms, and about provoking an argument. Of course I took tons of Psych in college and grad school. I guess I never really thought of applying them to my life. Pretty stupid, really – especially living with Sheldon. They could write a textbook just about him. So I see where you're coming from.'

Leonard shifted, a little uneasily. "I know Sheldon's going to resist. But I think it's important. I'm afraid that if he doesn't get his problems more under control, things like this might happen again. Especially as we actually do move out, and when we do go to New York."

"Makes sense to me," Amy said. "I can get some recommendations from my friends in Psych."

Meanwhile, Penny knocked on the bedroom door. There was no answer, so she slowly entered, then drew back in shock. Sheldon was fully clothed on the bed, in a fetal position, holding tightly to a pillow, his eyes shut. Penny approached the bed.

"Sheldon? What's going on?"

Sheldon didn't change his position. Penny tried again, then again. After the third time, Sheldon looked up at her.

"You're here," he said with some relief.

"Yes, Sheldon. What's happening?"

"I thought I might never see you again," he said, and it seemed like he was close to tears.

"Sheldon, last night was bad, but we're still here, we still live across the hall, we're not deserting you. Now, why are you still in bed?"

"Is Leonard here?" Sheldon asked, shakily.

"Leonard's out in the living room. We thought it would be better if I came in to talk to you."

"Why? Is he still mad at me?" and again it seemed as though Sheldon were about to cry.

"Sheldon, of course he's mad at you. You said some really nasty things. But mostly he's sad."

"Why?" Sheldon asked, puzzled.

"Why do you think? Because his best friend was so mean to him." Even now, Penny marveled at how sometimes to get through to the genius you had to talk as if he were nine. Good practice for child-rearing, she said to herself with a smile. Meanwhile, Sheldon was obviously thinking.

"Am I still his best friend, do you think?" Sheldon asked, a note of panic creeping into his voice.

"I don't know, Sheldon. I think that's mostly up to you."

Sheldon nodded. "Do you think it's possible? You know him best, Penny."

Penny smiled. "Yes. I do think it's possible. But like I told you last night, it's going to have to come from you, and it's going to have to be sincere. Would you like to go out there and talk to Leonard now? He's waiting with Amy and I'm sure he'd be willing to talk."

Sheldon thought for several minutes, as Penny waited patiently. Finally, he set his face and said. "I'm ready." He stood up and they walked out into the living room.

Amy jumped up as they entered, smiling broadly. "Sheldon! Thank goodness you're up. I've been so worried." She went to hug him, as Leonard stood and Penny walked over to his side.

Sheldon hugged her back briefly and somewhat superficially. "I think I have to talk to Leonard."

Amy and Penny looked at each other. Amy offered, "Would you like us to leave?"

"No, no," Sheldon said, "I want you both to hear this."

Sheldon sat down in his spot, with Amy next to him. Leonard remained standing, Penny's arm linked with his. Sheldon looked up at Leonard.

"Leonard, I know that I've offended you. And I feel terrible about it. I realize that there's not much I can do about what I said other than apologize."

Leonard stared fixedly at Sheldon, looking for signs of humility and honest regret.

"Losing your friendship would be terrible for me," Sheldon continued. "I was worried about losing touch if you moved away, but somehow I made such a mess of things that I might have driven you away for good. I would do anything to try to prove to you that I am truly sorry."

Leonard looked at him. Penny could sense the wheels spinning. "I believe you, Sheldon. But there's something I'd like you to consider. More than consider. Something that I think will help you, and help us all get along better. I think you should consider some therapy."

"I'm sorry?"

"Sheldon, you need help. Not for me, for yourself. Your reaction to the possibility of our moving away, or going to New York, was extreme. It was not normal, not even for you. And you need to deal with it. If you can, then I think you'll be a better friend to me, and to everyone."

Sheldon was listening intently. Amy was watching him, afraid to draw a breath. She knew how little respect Sheldon had for psycho-therapy; they had argued about it repeatedly. But now the stakes were higher.

Sheldon nodded, and Amy was finally able to breathe. "I think the evidence is strong. I may not be a big fan of clinical psychology, but I can recognize that there are times it can be helpful. And I can recognize that this might be one of those times. Especially if you feel that it's crucial to the restoration of normalcy in our relationship."

"I do," Leonard said firmly.

They spoke briefly about details, leaving them to Amy, and Leonard and Penny left. When they were back in Apartment 4B, Penny turned to Leonard. "That was brilliant, sweetie. You got him to recognize that he needed help with only a little bit of blackmail and mostly persuasion. And it's exactly what he needs."

"Well, Amy and I had been talking about it just before you two came into the living room, and it just seemed like the way to go. I hope he follows through."

"Believe me," Penny said, "he will. If he doesn't, I think he'll lose Amy, not just you and me."

And in fact Sheldon took a week off work, using just a bit of his accumulated vacation time. He began therapy, along with some anti-anxiety medication. The combination seemed to stabilize him, and after a few weeks he appeared to be headed back to baseline – if much subdued. The two couples got together a few times, and it seemed that over time whatever damage had been done might eventually be repaired. Once Sheldon went back to work, the Sunday evening events were revived, quieter now, but it seemed the group was again intact.


	20. Striking

20\. Striking

The play closed triumphantly. Penny was sad the run was ending, but also a little relieved. She was getting far enough along in the pregnancy to begin to worry about its effects on her mobility, and her stamina. On the other hand, it had – as Bernadette suggested – only enhanced her libido. So having more time to spend at home with Leonard was definitely going to be welcome.

After the closing, the cast and crew gathered at the theater for the traditional strike party. It was predictably bittersweet. However, Diane called the cast together to remind them that, if all went well, she expected a reunion in New York within a year's time. As they broke up, the cast and crew bid good-bye to each other, sometimes tearfully.

DiCaprio came over to Penny and gave her a big hug. "It's been a pleasure working with you, Penny. And I hope we do it again in New York."

"It was my pleasure, Leo. Working with you has been a dream come true; you've been an idol of mine since I was a little girl," Penny said, truthfully.

DiCaprio shuddered. "You make me feel so old…."

"Not at all, not at all," Penny hastened to assure him. In the meantime, Leonard had arrived to pick Penny up and walked over, greeting the two. DiCaprio continued to stand there awkwardly, obviously wanting to ask something.

"Leonard, I wonder if I could ask you a favor?" he said, finally.

"Sure, Leo, anything,"

"You know that friend of yours," he said, looking at Leonard, "the astronomer, er, astrophysicist you introduced me to. Rajesh, maybe?"

"Right," Leonard answered. "Rajesh Koothrappali. What about him?"

"You said he works a lot at the Mt. Wilson Observatory. You know, I'm fascinated by astronomy. I wonder if you could give me his contact information. I'd like to see if he would let me go up there sometime with him."

"Of course," Leonard said. But Penny put her hand on Leonard's arm, stopping him. She saw an opportunity: she definitely wanted to see Raj's face when this happened. "You know, Leo, Dr. Koothrappali is extremely busy. It might be better if we asked him on your behalf."

"Oh, certainly. Could you do that?"

Penny saw another opening, as Leonard watched, bemused. "And, you know, Dr. Koothrappali is quite wary of non-specialists around his equipment. He might want to meet with you once or twice just to brief you and set his mind at ease."

"I understand completely. We could have drinks, or dinner. Or maybe I could invite him over to the house sometime. Perhaps you could put a good word in for me? I'm really just a very eager amateur, and I promise I won't get in the way."

"I'm sure he'll understand. I think having him over to your place would be a good idea," Penny said, seriously, giggling all the while to herself at what Raj was going to say to an invitation to go to Leonardo DiCaprio's house. "Let me talk to him, and if he's all right with it, I'll let you know and you can contact him. OK?"

"That would be great. Thank you so much!" DiCaprio said, gratefully. They hugged again, he shook hands with Leonard, and they parted.

As he walked away Leonard looked at Penny, clearly trying to keep from laughing. "That was downright evil! I'm going to have to watch out for you. But I definitely want to be there when you tell Raj that Leonardo DiCaprio wants to have dinner with him."

"Deal," Penny said. "I think maybe we should bring a camera."

"And smelling salts," added Leonard.

They walked out of the theater into the early Westwood evening, with a little December chill in the air. Leonard held Penny close. A few yards away from the theater, she stopped him.

"Leonard," she said seriously. "I want you to know something. These last five or six months have been the best months of my life. The baby, the play. But also you. You've been so wonderful. And I feel like we've never been closer."

Leonard concurred. "It's not me, it's you, Penny. I've never seen you so happy. As you say, I don't know if it's the baby or the play, or the combination. But I feel like everything is coming together so beautifully, it's like a dream."

They kissed softly, and at length, leaning against the brickwork.

"Get a room, you two!" rang out from ten feet away. They separated to see, of course, George Stein on the sidewalk walking toward them, arm in arm with Diane. Diane hit him softly on the arm.

"Leave those kids alone! What's wrong with you! Don't you remember what that was like?" she said, with mock anger.

"I do," George said sweetly, kissing her on the cheek. The older couple wandered over to where Leonard and Penny were standing.

George stopped. "Seriously, kids, I'm glad we ran into you. I wanted to say that I think you two are really something. Penny, you've got so much talent – and you've been such a great presence in the company. And Leonard, you're so warm and friendly – and, from what I hear, a hell of a scientist. It's been a pleasure getting to know you both. And I hope we see a lot more of you in the future."

Penny was squeezing Leonard tightly as George spoke, and Diane was eyeing him with a bemused expression. She nodded. "George doesn't usually gush like this. But he speaks for both of us. You're both great people, and you make a beautiful couple. Get some rest, and let's make sure to get together soon."

* * *

The following weeks were wonderfully relaxing. Leonard went back to working a more normal schedule, Penny could sleep in, and they spent many long hours together in bed – and even at the beach. The two of them met several times with her publicist and agent, mapping out possible strategies to pursue once the baby was born and Penny could get back to acting.

The group of friends was now able to see each other more frequently, although relations between Leonard and Sheldon were still not what they had been. Nonetheless, they all gathered in Apartment 4A on the morning of Christmas Eve to decorate a Christmas tree, over Sheldon's now somewhat more muted objections. As they were still getting to work, Leonard received a call from Howard.

"Bernadette's in labor!" he shouted excitedly. "I'm taking her in right now! We'll let you know when the baby is born."

Leonard put his phone down and announced the news to the troops. Over the course of the day, Howard sent out regular texts about progress. Then, at 9.15 PM on Christmas Eve, came a text announcing the birth of Rachel Marie Wolowitz, 6 lbs. 10 oz. Mother and daughter were resting comfortably.

As the group talked excitedly, Leonard called Howard and put it on speaker so that they could give a huge group "Congratulations" to the couple. Leonard picked up the phone and talked privately to Howard to get more details. He also asked whether, and when, they could visit. Howard said that the doctors were discharging them around noon the next day, and told Leonard that they should come over around 2 PM, but tell others to wait until after 3. They wanted to spend some time with just the four – now five – of them.

Christmas Day, at 2 PM on the dot, Leonard and Penny drove up to the Wolowitz residence. Howard opened the door and Leonard gave him a huge hug, which Penny followed. Howard was practically jumping with excitement as he ushered them into the nursery he had designed himself. Bernadette was in a rocking chair, with her daughter in her arms.

"Rachel," she said, "meet your Aunt Penny and Uncle Leonard." She was, Penny and Leonard noted, absolutely radiant, and Howard had never seemed so happy. As the new aunt and uncle held the baby, Howard regaled them with stories of the birth.

"Rachel Marie," he said. "Rachel for the Jews, Marie for the Catholics. We were going to name her Rachel Marie Wolowitz-Rostenkowski, but it didn't fit on the birth certificate. So it's just Rachel WR, like Louis CK," he joked.

Bernadette looked up at them. "Howard says her birthday, December 24th, must be fate. Because Hanukkah and Christmas Eve are on the same day this year."

"Right!" Howard said. "And just think of how important the last Jew born on Christmas was!"

Leonard winced, and Penny rolled her eyes, but Howard's innocent enthusiasm was contagious. The men went off to talk, leaving Bernadette and Penny alone with Rachel.

Bernadette waited until they were out of the room, then said conspiratorially, "Penny, I have just one word for you: epidural. Forget that natural crap. It was almost completely painless. Meanwhile the girls in the next rooms were screaming bloody murder."

Penny looked a little surprised. "I thought you wanted a natural childbirth? I was figuring on that for myself, too."

"Well," Bernadette said, "I read up and there's really no advantage. Plus when you get wheeled in and hear the women cursing like sailors, you might have second thoughts. I did, and I don't regret it."

It gave Penny something to think about. Within an hour, the house was full of friends, admiring the baby and Howard's nursery. But by 5 PM visiting hours at the W-R residence were over, and they dispersed.

As they drove back home, Leonard turned to Penny. "I know we've been staying around waiting for Bernadette to have their baby. But now that she's here, how about going to visit your folks? I don't have to be back to work until after the New Year. A week in sunny Nebraska seems like just the thing."

Penny laughed. "Just so long as you realize that in Nebraska right now there's not much sun, and it's 10 degrees. But it would be nice to see them. And this is probably getting pretty close to the last time I can fly without you going ballistic. Let's do it."

They spent much of the next two days with Howard and Bernadette (and Rachel), with whom they had become closer in recent weeks. In part it was the still-tenuous nature of Leonard's relationship with Sheldon; in part it was the growing bond between the two expectant mothers. Whatever the reason, they felt even more comfortable with the two than they had before. And Penny watched with interest as Howard seemed to grow in seriousness week by week as the pregnancy progressed, blossoming into full maturity after Rachel's birth. She shook her head in wonder that she now considered Howard – Howard Wolowitz, of all people – to be a close friend.

* * *

The trip to Nebraska was relatively short – after all, the two California transplants were not really prepared for a Nebraska winter. But Penny's family doted on her continually, and showered affection on Leonard, too.

Wyatt took Leonard aside one afternoon for a man-to-man. "How are you two fixed for money, after all?" he asked, seriously.

"I think we're all right, sir. Penny did quite well with the play, and she's done some other work too. So we'll have no trouble with expenses for now. She plans to go back to work about four or five months after the baby's born, and we're expecting plenty of opportunities to come her way."

"What about that idea of buying a house? Like I said in LA, we are happy to help you out." Wyatt reminded him.

Leonard squirmed a little. "I think maybe you should talk to Penny about that. It's really a family matter, I think, sir."

Wyatt looked at him, squinting. "You'd better get two things straight, young man. You're part of this family now. And don't call me sir."

"Yes, s- Wyatt," Leonard answered.

"So let me ask again: what about the house?"

"We're looking, and the prices are really high, so actually some help with the down payment would be useful," Leonard finally admitted.

"Good. You just tell me when and how much, and it's done."

Meanwhile, Penny was spending lots of time with her mother and sister. And the constant topic appeared to be work. "Are you sure," her sister asked for the umpteenth time "that you're going to want to go back to work with a little bitty baby at home?"

Her mother was a little more subtle. "You might find that you want a little more time with the baby once it's born. Lots of women do, you know. And there's nothing wrong with that. You can pick up your career just about any time, don't you know?"

At night in bed, the day before they were headed home, they checked in with each other – the usual Wolowitz ritual. Nothing to report. But Leonard shook his head a little.

"What is it?" Penny asked. "Sad about something?"

"And happy," Leonard answered. "I'm happy to be surrounded by such nice people. I feel like this is my family. But it makes me sad to think how difficult things were in my own family. And it makes me sad that I'm still so separated from my own brother and sister. They weren't the problem, our parents were the problem. But somehow the family was such a mess that none of us seems to want have anything to do with each other. I think that's a shame."

Penny nodded. "It is a shame. Maybe when we go to New York we can get to know them a little better? They live nearby, right?"

"Well, Michael's in Boston, at Harvard Law. That's a few hours from New York. But his wife is from New Jersey, so he's probably there a lot. Hayley's now at Columbia P and S, the medical school at Columbia, and that's in New York. So we could probably see Hayley pretty often."

"What's she like?"

"She's all right, I guess. I don't feel that I really know her very well. I think I've seen her five times in the last ten years, at most. She was always nice to me. Michael was sort of a brat, but that was when he was a kid; he's OK now." He thought a bit. "It's not like your family. I just don't feel like I've got much to do with them. That's weird, isn't it?"

Penny nodded. "It is. But I'm sure it's because of your parents. And just because there's no connection now doesn't mean there can't be one. Maybe you should make an effort when we're in New York."

Leonard was thoughtful. "I think that's worth a try. After all, we don't really know anyone else there."

As they headed back to Los Angeles, Leonard contemplated both the family he had gained, and the one he had never really had.


	21. Moving On

21\. Moving on

Life back in Pasadena settled into a comfortable rhythm. Penny was rigorous with her yoga, and her usual (if modified) fitness rituals, and Leonard was predictably reliable with the birthing classes and other preparations. The house-hunting was getting nerve-wracking, as prices seemed to rise with every passing week. But they were honing in on the more affordable neighborhoods of Pasadena, and getting an ever better sense of what they were looking for. Which included four bedrooms: a master, one for an office, and two for the two children they were now certain they wanted.

Penny consulted frequently with her agent, looking over options. The agent was getting insistent about making decisions, especially given that there was likely to be only a six-month window between when Penny would be willing to go back to work, and when she would have to go to New York for the Broadway production of _After the Fall._ Penny found the choices bewildering, but succeeded in postponing decisions: after all, there was too much indeterminate about the near-term future.

She spent a lot of time with Bernadette, who was loving being a mother. Towards the middle of January, during one long visit, Bernadette confided in Penny.

"I've only mentioned this to Howie, but I don't want to go back to work," she said.

Penny was surprised. "I thought you really liked your job?"

"I do. But I don't want to miss any of Rachel's growing up. It's hard to explain, but I feel like I want to be with her all the time. Sure, it's hard, and it's tiring. But it's also exhilarating. I can't explain it." Penny left later in the afternoon, thinking about what Bernadette had told her.

A few days later Penny wandered into the living room, wanting to talk to Leonard about how her conversation with Bernadette had troubled her. She found her husband looking at a list on his laptop.

"More baby names? I thought we agreed to give it a rest. We already have like 50," Penny said.

"Oh, right," Leonard said, clumsily trying to cover up the screen. Penny's antennae were raised.

"Let me see that." She took the laptop, sat down, and read ""Terms of endearment in English." What's this all about?"

Leonard looked at her guiltily. "Well, you always call me "sweetie," or "honey," sometimes "baby," but all I ever call you, really, is Penny. I was looking for something more, you know, personal. I can't use "Slugger," or "darling," that's your dad; or "dear," that's your mom."

"So what did you decide on?" Penny asked, now curious.

"Well, I came up with "beautiful" and "gorgeous," but those are just descriptions. It's not the same thing. I thought of "princess," but then I figured if we have a girl that's what I want to call her."

Penny shook her head, grinning. "Boy, you really overthink everything, don't you? Look, sweetie, Penny is just fine with me. Plus, you have so many ways of saying it."

"Really? Is there one you like best?"

She thought. "Well, the one that's cutest is when you want to talk to me about something, to get my opinion. It's serious, but it's very loving."

Leonard concentrated. "You mean like this: "Penny…."

"Yep, that's it. That says, I love you and I really want to know what you think about this. That one always gets me."

Leonard raised his eyebrows. "Oh well, then. Penny…." And he went in for a kiss.

She pulled away, shaking her head. "Now that one just says, "I'm imagining you naked.""

"Damn, am I really that transparent? Well, I am." And he wiggled his eyebrows and went in for a kiss again. This time she consented.

"All right, all right. Later, maybe. But first, Leonard, we have to talk."

Leonard sat up, but objected. "On one condition. That you never, ever, for the rest of our lives, use the phrase "we have to talk." Every time you say that, there's a little voice in me that says you're going to break up with me. So banish the phrase, please."

Penny thought. "All right. I'd like to have a conversation with you."

"That's better. What about?"

"I've been thinking a lot about the future, and I'm confused. I want to be a great mother. And I want to pursue acting, now that so many opportunities have opened up. I never thought it would be _simple_ to do both, but I'm starting to worry about whether I'll be able to."

"Why? What's making you think that?"

"My mother and sister kept hinting that I should stay with the baby. And – now, you can't tell _anyone_ this or it's no sex for a month – but Bernadette isn't planning to go back to work. She says it's too important for her to stay with Rachel. And so I wonder if my acting is going to deprive our children, the way your parents' careers deprived you."

Leonard shook his head. "I mean, I don't know about Bernadette – and believe me, with a threat like that, the secret is safe – but the problem with my childhood wasn't that my parents had careers. It was that they didn't want to be parents. I knew kids whose parents were busy professionals, who had great home lives. I think it's much more about the attitude of the parents than whether they work or not."

"But acting can be very time-consuming. And think of the schedule. When _Fall_ was on, I was gone twelve hours a day."

"True. But you had mornings, and weekends. And there are two of us. We can divide the responsibilities. And we can get help, a nanny or baby-sitter or whatever you're supposed to call them these days."

"Help is expensive, Leonard. And help isn't the same as a mother being with her child."

Leonard sat, thinking. "Penny, I'm fine with whatever you want. But I think you're capable of being a great mother and a great actor. After all, you're a great actor and a great wife and a great friend, now."

"Thank you, sweetie. I know you'll support whatever I decide, that's not the issue. It's just that I have to figure out what I want. And I'm confused."

Leonard squeezed her hand.

"I'm tired. I think I'll take a little nap," she said, heading into the bedroom.

Leonard looked after her. "Is that one of those "naps" that you want me to participate in? Or a real nap?" he ask with a smile.

She smiled back at him. "A real nap. With maybe a "nap"," she said, with air quotes, "afterwards. We'll see."

Penny settled into the bed and starting drifting off to sleep. But after a few minutes she could sense that Leonard was pacing. This worried her. Apart from work, he only paced when he was upset, or troubled. She listened to see what was going to happen. After a few minutes she heard his voice.

"Hayley? It's Leonard."

Pause.

" _Leonard_ , your brother."

"It's good to hear your voice, too. I'm sorry I haven't really been in touch much lately, but things have been a little hectic around here."

Pause. The conversation continued, with Penny only able to hear one side.

"Well, we're talking now. Anyway, just to fill you in, I think you know I got married a while back –"

….

"Yes, of course. But there's more –"

….

"You read about that? Wasn't that an incredible review? Why didn't you call me then?"

….

"What was there to be embarrassed about? It's not like I've been great about staying in touch…."

…. 

"Just because you're older –"

….

"OK, and wiser….Anyway, no problem."

….

"Oh, Hayley, I wish you could have seen it. Penny was amazing. Incredible. I've never had an experience like that."

….

"That's pretty funny."

….

"Of course I met him. He's very nice, not at all conceited."

….

"Yes, he's as handsome in person as on the screen, I guess."

Penny smiled, hearing the mild exasperation in Leonard's voice.

"Yes, we're very happy. But I have more news. Penny's expecting!"

….

"In about three months. So, one of the reasons I was calling was to ask for some advice. I know you have two children – "

….

"Oh! When did that happen?"

….

"I wonder why Mother didn't tell – never mind, stupid question. What's her name?"

Penny suppressed a sigh. Her man had overcome so much. And still had so far to go.

"Well congratulations! So Stacey's, what, two now?"

….

"That's wonderful. How are the other two? And Mark?" 

….

"I'm so glad. Hayley, I know it's been a long time, but, well, we spent the holidays with Penny's family, and that got me thinking. Just because our parents screwed up, doesn't mean we have to perpetuate the disaster that was our family. We can start fresh. And I want to. With you, and with Michael."

….

"Well, the distance was the second thing."

….

"Oh, that was the advice. Let's circle back. The other one was to tell you that we'll almost certainly be coming to New York next year. The play is probably moving to Broadway, and that means we'll move there for at least six months, maybe longer."

….

"Yes, with the baby. That's really the advice part. Penny's got a lot of questions about whether she'll be able to juggle an acting career with being a good mother. And since you've been so successful at having kids and keeping your career going, I thought maybe you could talk to her."

….

"That would be great. Of course I don't expect you to be an expert, just somebody with experience."

….

"I understand. Sure, there are tradeoffs. She knows that. I think she just wants to figure out what she wants, and how to get it."

….

"Oh, I can take leave. I've actually talked with people at Rock U and they're interested in a visiting position."

….

"I figured it's closer to Times Square, and I know people there. I don't know anybody at Columbia."

After another pause. Leonard laughed, pretty hard.

"I didn't realize that. How do you manage?"

Long pause.

"Wow. That sounds like a really good deal. And thanks."

….

"Really? That would be fantastic! I mean, we'll have to see about the timing, and I'll need to talk with Penny, but if it works out, that might be just the thing we need."

….

"That's so sweet. Jeez, I didn't realize she was twelve already. It's been so long…."

Penny heard the sadness in his voice. There was another pause.

"Probably in the early Spring sometime. We won't know for certain for a few more months. I'll be sure to let you know."

….

"Oh, she's wonderful, Hayley. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I feel like I'm in a fairy tale, the frog turned into a prince."

Penny was starting to feel guilty about eavesdropping. She got up and headed out toward the living room. But she heard Leonard speak again, now with a catch in his voice. 

"Thank you, Hayley. That's so nice of you. I can't wait to see you again. I miss you."

…..

"I love you too. Don't cry, Hayley. We're going to get to know each other really well in New York, I promise."

Penny could feel herself tearing up as she stood in the doorway behind Leonard, afraid to move.

"Shh, shh…I know, I understand. Me too. It will be great to see you. And I'll talk to you soon, I promise. And I'll see if Penny wants to call you. Bye….Me too…A lot, me too…Bye"

Penny cleared her throat, and Leonard swung around quickly. "How long have you been there?"

"I heard it all. Leonard, that was the sweetest phone conversation I've ever heard. Also the saddest."

He shook his head. "Do you know that she had a third child and I didn't even know about it? I have a niece I never knew about, for more than two years!"

"I heard," Penny said, sitting down next to Leonard and putting her arm around him. "How did Hayley seem?"

"Really nice. Older, she's seven years older than me. She sounded sort of like Diane, you know: very professional, but very warm. I can't believe we've let this happen."

Penny let him continue to work through it.

"She knew all about the play. She said the _Times_ review was on their bulletin board, and the kids were so excited to hear about it. Especially her older daughter, although I think that was more about DiCaprio than anything else. I asked her why she didn't get in touch then, and she said she thought it would seem like she was being shallow, only calling because you were famous now. Isn't that silly?"

Penny nodded. "I get it, though. It would be like calling a long-lost relative who won the lottery."

Leonard shrugged. "I guess. She had a lot of other stuff to say. Like that I should try to get a visiting position at Columbia, because apartments near Rock U are far too expensive. Unless, she said, I was willing to sell myself to a Russian oligarch. And Columbia has really good apartments that they rent cheap to faculty, including visitors."

"So she thought we could live there?" Penny asked.

"Yeah. And there was something else. They have a nanny from Ireland, she's fantastic with children. And Stacey, that's the youngest, will be going to pre-school next year, so they were going to have to let her go even though they could use her part-time. She was saying that we could hire Maeve for the times we need, that we'd love her; we could split the cost with them. Plus her daughter is 12 now, and she loves kids, so by the time we were there she'd be a good baby-sitter."

"That sounds really good," Penny agreed.

"I think she wants me to live near her," he said, a little shyly. "I think maybe that would be nice. I hope you'll like her, Penny."

"I'm sure I will, sweetie. Anybody who's as nice to you as she sounded is already way ahead of the game in my book."

Leonard was quiet, shaking his head.

Penny observed, softly, "She was crying at the end." 

Leonard nodded. "I know. I think she was crying a lot of the time, but she was trying to control it. At the end she just broke down completely. I practically did, too."

Penny hugged her man close.

"So if you heard all that you heard my plot, to have you talk to her about juggling career and children."

"I heard that, sweetie, that was really thoughtful. Just give me the number and I'll text her to find out what would be a good time to talk. I'm really looking forward to it."

Leonard was thinking, again. "Maybe you could talk to Diane, too? She has three kids, and look how engaged she is in the industry."

"Good idea. I'll call her."

She put her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through his hair. "Maybe the mood is gone, but a while back you were imagining something…."

He grinned at her. "Ready for our "nap," are we?"

Penny just nodded.


	22. Decisions, decisions

22\. Decisions, decisions

Penny had lunch with Diane Green later that week, and they talked seriously about the difficulties of managing a career and a family, especially when that career was as unpredictable as acting. Diane pointed out that unpredictability also meant flexibility: you could always turn down a part, or a location.

"Everyone I know – strike that, everyone I _respect_ – in the industry makes sacrifices for family. No overseas shoots unless you can make a family trip of it, daytime whenever possible, cut back on the parties and ceremonies, that sort of thing. And most of my friends with teenage kids are careful not to make anything too risqué; you can imagine what high school would be like if your friends saw your mother naked at the movies."

Penny laughed. "Hadn't thought of that one!"

Diane looked at her thoughtfully. "One reason George and I like you and Leonard is that you're serious. There are too many really superficial, really screwed-up people in the industry. Maybe some of it is that you're not one of those kids who got famous at 18. You're getting into it at an older age. I actually didn't realize you were 30 until the newspapers started mentioning it, you look five years younger."

"Thanks! But you look at least ten years younger than you are, Diane."

"Pfft. Anyway, you're already starting out with a big advantage, you're more mature than most. And I'm pretty sure that you and Leonard are going to find the right balance. I mean, just the fact that you're asking so many questions, and thinking about it so seriously, tells me that you'll figure it out. And if you ever want any more advice, or a shoulder to cry on – new mothers always need that, you know – just give me a call."

Penny also called Hayley one evening, and they had a long conversation about what it was like to try to keep an appropriate balance between work and home life. Hayley put a lot more emphasis that Diane on making sure to have time for your husband. But then Penny's husband was Hayley's long-lost little brother, so she supposed that was natural.

Penny found Hayley open and forthcoming. As the business part of the conversation wound down, she couldn't help but ask, "I have a question. It's sort of personal. Do you mind?"

"Go ahead, dear. We're family now."

"Well, that's sort of it. Your mother is about the coldest woman I ever met. So how did you and Leonard turn out to be so warmhearted? I don't know Michael, but I would never have guessed that you were Beverly's daughter."

Hayley's voice got a little colder. "It's taken me a long time to come to grips with what that woman did to me. To us. I wasn't always as comfortable with myself. But at some point I just decided that my goal in life, in the family and with my marriage, was to do everything right that Mother did wrong. She's sort of been my role model – a negative one, if you know what I mean."

"I do," Penny agreed. "Leonard talks the same way, when we talk about raising children."

There was a pause, then Hayley asked, "Do you mind if _I_ ask _you_ a personal question?"

"Anything."

"How's Leonard doing? I feel so guilty about not having been in touch. But it's more than that. I feel guilty about not doing more to protect him when he was growing up. He had such a difficult childhood, much more difficult than mine."

"How so?"

"Well, I was a girl, and reasonably attractive, and outgoing. So I had friends. And I wasn't a genius. Leonard was a genius, and very introverted, and he never knew how to make himself look as handsome as I always thought he was. So he had a miserable time in school. And our parents didn't help. I don't know who picked on him more, his classmates or his mother. Sometimes I could cry just thinking about what he went through."

"Well, I guess I know about all that. But, to answer your question, Leonard is wonderful. I mean beyond wonderful. He's kind, and thoughtful, and generous. He has a great group of friends who love him, and he's really successful at work. Wherever he was coming from, he's doing great now."

Hayley paused again. "And you two? How are things? I know he loves you very much, from how he was gushing about you."

"Oh, I couldn't be happier. That man is the love of my life. I've known it for ten years, even though I was too stupid to act on it for a long time. But I can't imagine life without him now."

"That's good. He deserves all the happiness in the world. Just remember that. He had a really hard childhood, harder than you can imagine," Hayley said, her voice full of sadness and regret.

Penny felt terribly sorry for her and her obvious guilt. "Hayley, ever since his conversation with you he's been on something of a high. I think it was very important for him to reestablish contact. He's really looking forward to being in New York with you. He even mentioned that we might try to go visit sometime after the baby is born."

"That would be wonderful!"

Penny continued, "Leonard is a man with very strong emotions. And he wears them on his sleeve. I think I can say that at this point all he has for you are very loving feelings and a desire to know you better. And that goes for me, too. I feel like I've got a new sister. And it's a very nice feeling."

Penny could hear what sounded like the beginnings of a sob on the other end, but Hayley was able to talk through it. "Likewise, Penny, likewise. Anybody who makes my little brother as happy as you do is already a goddess in my book. Not to speak of anybody who knows Leonardo DiCaprio! And who can get Bernard Bradley to write about "an extraordinary achievement, and a remarkable debut.""

"What, you memorized that review?"

"No, it's on our bulletin board. And it will stay there until we meet you in person."

* * *

As Penny's pregnancy progressed, the meetings with her agent started getting more intense. Leonard went along most of the time, and after one of them, he felt he had to speak. In the car on the way home, he took a chance.

"Penny, I know this is your career, and you know how to manage your business, but can I make a comment?"

"Sweetie, this affects both of us, and the baby, so it's not _my_ business, it's ours. Go ahead."

"All right. I'm a little disturbed at how much she's insisting on lining up work. After all, you're just a few months away from giving birth, and it doesn't really seem sensible to be making plans to rush into a half-dozen difficult projects without seeing how things go. I think we need to worry about you and the baby, too. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to raise any questions about your acting or your career; I'm really raising questions about whether your agent is going about this the right way."

Penny was quiet. "Those are great points. I think you put your finger on something I've been feeling. Listen, I don't have any experience with what I'm going through now, either. So we're both pretty green. But I do sometimes get an uneasy feeling about trying to make so many plans so soon."

"I have a suggestion," Leonard said firmly. It had obviously been in his mind for a while. "Let's talk to Diane. She and George have always said we could talk to them, and you just saw her a couple of weeks ago for lunch. She seems so experienced, and I trust her."

"Great idea. I'll call Diane tomorrow."

Early the following week, the couple drove over to the Greenstein Productions building where it had all begun.

Penny started the conversation, as the couple sat down. "Thanks for seeing us, Diane. I know you're busy. But we have a lot of questions, and we really value your advice."

"It's always a pleasure, and I will always make time for you. What's up?"

"Well," Penny started, "as you know, I'm expecting – three months to go now! And we're very excited. But we're also trying to figure out what to do, and we recognize that with a new baby things get that much more complicated. That's one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you last time, because of your experience with being a woman in this business, with children.

Diane nodded. "As I said then, it's not easy. But it's doable. But now what exactly is causing you concern?"

Penny paused. "Well, I guess now we're trying to think about planning, and timing. A lot of it has to do with the Broadway issue. I understand that the New York option is at least a year away, right?"

"That's right. There's summer, and then Leo has contractual obligations, and the general feeling is that a Spring opening makes the most sense. So we won't go into rehearsals until a year from now at the earliest. George has lined up backers, so between us I'd say it's a pretty sure thing. Leo's a huge draw, of course. So what's the problem?"

"I've done a few small jobs since we closed – some commercials, some small parts for TV, but I haven't taken on anything big. You know, because of the baby." Diane nodded. "I figure I can start working after four or five months, and that gives me about six months to work before New York. And my agent is really pressing me hard to pick up a few of the offers we've been getting. They would probably keep me working for a couple of years after we get back from New York. I see that it makes sense, but the prospect is scary."

"Scary?"

"The productions my agent is pushing involve location work, shooting in places like Toronto. Leonard is really supportive, but I really don't think I'll want to be away from home for that long."

"What productions is she suggesting? What are the parts?" Diane asked. "Don't worry, this is all in confidence, among friends."

Penny told her, and Diane looked concerned. "Do you mind if I get George in here?" she asked. Penny and Leonard had no problem with that, so she called her husband in.

"Penny, can you tell George what you told me?" And Penny repeated the issue, and the offers her agent was suggesting.

George looked at the couple. "Leonard, what do you think about this?"

Leonard looked uneasily at Penny. "I don't know anything about the industry, so I'm reluctant to interfere. And I understand how important it might be to strike while the iron is hot, before memories fade. These are really attractive offers. Lots of money. But…." He hesitated. "But I have a lot of questions about whether they're right for Penny, whether they're the kinds of parts that will build her career. Also, it's hard for me to imagine her doing all this traveling and being out of town with an infant. Even if the baby and I were with her, I can't see it being easy for her. So I guess I'm worried. But I would never want to stand in the way of Penny's career."

George turned to the young woman. "Penny?"

"What he said," she said simply.

Penny saw George sneak a glance at Diane, and saw Diane give a slight nod. Penny watched them carefully. Penny had gotten to know this power couple quite well over the previous six months, and she admired them tremendously. She especially respected the way they worked together, and how they consulted silently. She wasn't sure what those glances meant, but she was sure they said a lot. At times Penny liked to imagine that she and Leonard were a little like Green and Stein, with the roles reversed perhaps. George was tough, street-smart, a little rude sometimes – like Penny, maybe; Diane was more sensitive and kinder, more thoughtful – like Leonard. At least she liked to think they worked as well together….

Now George was clearing his throat, his silent consultation with Diane at its end. "I think you need a new agent."

Penny looked shocked. Leonard nodded slowly.

George continued. "She's pushing things much too hard. She's out of her league, and I think she's got dollar signs in her eyes. But she's supposed to be _your_ agent, and your needs come first."

Diane chimed in. "That may be a little harsh, but it's accurate. We're not saying that she's only trying to make money for herself; she may think she's doing you a favor by getting you into big-money projects quickly. But you're in this for the long haul, and you need to be careful about your brand. Not to mention the personal side. This is a brutal business, and we've seen too many people try to do too much, too fast, and crash and burn as a result."

Penny looked back and forth at Diane and George, and at Leonard. "What do you suggest? She's been with me for a long time. I'd feel terrible just getting rid of her after all she's done."

George nodded. "That's an important point; you don't want a reputation as a user. But you can buy her out. Give her what she's earned on _After the Fall_ , including New York when it happens, residuals on the commercials. But you have to move on."

"Move on where? Who could represent me the way you think would be right?"

Leonard broke in. "How about you two? Could you represent Penny? We trust you guys completely."

Penny nodded vigorously.

Again glances were exchanged between George and Diane. George shook his head. "No. It wouldn't be right. We intend to work with you in the future. A lot." He smiled, and Penny smiled back. "And that would be a serious conflict of interest. Plus I think we're just too close to you."

"What do you mean?" Penny asked.

George cleared his throat. Diane laughed. "What he means is that we really like you a lot, as people. And business among friends…well, you know how it is. Representing a good friend is like lending money to a good friend: it has no upside, only downsides."

George carried on. "But we do have an agent we can recommend in complete confidence. She was Diane's. She understands the importance of the professional, and the personal, and how to balance them." He wrote down the name on a slip of paper and passed it to Penny. "I'll have her get in touch with you. You'll like her."

Leonard and Penny looked back and forth at the older couple. Leonard spoke first. "Thank you so much. You have no idea how much Penny and I respect you two. And how grateful we are for all your support and advice. I don't know that we could have navigated all this without you. I can't imagine how we can ever thank you enough."

George laughed. "How about naming your first-born George. Or Georgia?"

"George!" Diane said sharply. Then, explaining, "He's just kidding. I think."

George laughed. "Of course I am. Listen, it's been our pleasure, and we expect to be spending a lot of time with you two, or three, in the future. Both for work, and as friends. I'm serious. We really like you two. I know neither of you has any family in the area, so let us be your local family." Diane looked on, smiling at her husband's unaccustomed emotionalism.

Penny shook her head slowly, overcome. "I just can't imagine what we'd do without you two."

"Well, don't," Diane said briskly. "We're available if and when you need us."

Their business done, George and Diane walked Penny and Leonard to the building entrance and said their good-byes, with best wishes for the rest of the pregnancy and yet another set of invocations to be in touch if they had any further questions.

George looked at Diane as the two headed out into the parking lot. "She has no idea how good she is, does she?"

"No clue. And she'll get eaten alive unless she's protected."

"Diane…." George said, warningly. "It's not your business."

"I know, I know. But I really like her. Them. They're so adorable. She's so talented, and he's such a good man. There aren't enough really good people in the industry. I figure we need more."

Diane and George stood by the glass door, watching the young couple walk to their car. A very pregnant Penny was leaning on Leonard, her head on his shoulder as they walked, holding on tightly. When they got to the car, Penny buried her head in Leonard's chest, while he softly stroked her hair.

"She's overwhelmed, George. We need to be there for them. She can make it big, but she needs the right kind of advice."

"All right, all right," George sighed, as they continued to watch the couple hold each other by their car.

"Remind you of anyone, babe?" Diane said, smiling.

"Come on, you were a big star when we met. And I'm pretty sure I flunked physics in high school."

"I didn't mean like that," Diane said. "I meant the way they depend on each other. The way we depend on each other. I know you think I'm just being sentimental. But so what? Why shouldn't I give them the benefit of my experience?"

"Our experience," George said softly. "I hear you. And you're right. There's no reason we can't help a young couple be as happy as we are."

They watched as Penny pulled back from her husband, then threw her arms around him, enveloping Leonard in a passionate kiss.

George waited a few seconds, then pushed open the building door.

"Get a room, you two!" he bellowed across the parking lot.

The couple looked up, startled, then laughed and waved at George and Diane. Penny shrugged her shoulders shyly and gave a thumbs-up, as they got into their car. George and Diane watched them drive away, then walked back to their offices, hand in hand.

END

* * *

 **A/N. I'm ending this story here, with at least the near-term future relatively clearly in sight. I realize that there is much more to be imagined: the baby, New York, further career developments for Penny. And I do hope to move on to a sequel as time (and imagination) permit.**

 **However, for now, I am working on a closely related story. I'll be posting news about it, and the story itself, soon.**

 **Meanwhile, I thank all those who reviewed, favorited, followed, and just read this story. It's very gratifying to hear from you all! I do realize that I am disappointing many of you by stopping here, but as I say I hope to make it up to you all eventually, both with the (alternate) story I will start shortly, and with eventual sequels.**


	23. To the readers of The Performance Anxiet

**A/N. To the readers of _The Performance Anxiety_ :**

 **I realize that this story could continue. And I do hope to write a sequel, taking the Hofstadters through their new baby, to New York City, and beyond.**

 **However, in the meantime, I have other plans. I am now beginning to post another story with what I hope is a mildly original and interesting twist. The idea is that I will start from more or less the same place as _The Performance Anxiety_ : Penny and Leonard decide to start a family, and Penny gets an acting opportunity. However, early in the story things take a decidedly different, and much less positive, turn. And then Penny and Leonard have to face some very serious challenges.**

 **Along the way there will be a few parallels to, overlaps with, and repetitions from, _The Performance Anxiety_ – after all, they are meant to take place in an alternate reality in which everything is more or less the same, except for Leonard and Penny and their immediate surroundings.**

 **So if you liked _The Performance Anxiety_ – or even if you didn't, and want to give me another chance to entertain you – you might look at my new story, called _The Command Performance_ , available starting today.**


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